by
Mama Hippo
Recently Momaroo posted about
mothers who regret having children, and whether some people might not have this "maternal gene."
I'm one of those people that expected to love motherhood from the start. I've had loads of experience with kids of all ages and have always loved being around children. It surprised me that I didn't bond with my son right away (it took a few months) and that motherhood has been as difficult as it has been these past almost-nine months. Quite frankly, motherhood has kicked my ass. I wouldn't go as far as to say that I regret having my son, because I love him dearly, but there are days when I wish I could go back to being child-free just for a day, or when I see someone walking down the street who doesn't have children and think about how nice it might be to have that kind of freedom again.
I think we're often led to believe that motherhood is such a natural thing, that maternal instinct and bonding will just magically appear, and we don't do a good enough job of preparing ourselves and each other for how big a challenge it all really is. This is changing a bit these days, but it's still taboo for a mom to admit that she's having a hard time dealing with her kids and we're all expected to love motherhood and our children 100%, 100% of the time. Which is just plain not realistic.
So let's create a safe place here for venting. You can leave an anonymous comment so no one knows who you are.
What's the hardest part about being a mom?
Recently Momaroo posted about mothers who regret having children, and whether some people might not have this "maternal gene."
Comments (20)
I think the hardest part about being a mom is being a mom when life has other things in mind. Sometimes I wish, for just one day, that I was child-free (I have a 4 year old and am 6 months pregnant), so I could better handle other life situation. My mother is dying from cancer and it is SO overwhelming. I feel like I am being a horrible mother (and wife and student and employee and sister and niece) because it is just TOO much to deal with.
Sleep. HAHA!
@reasmom@xanga - I'm so very sorry about your mother.
I totally agree!! Being a mom is tough! Especially as they get older and get mad at you and say you're so mean, when you have put your entire life on hold for them to take care of them! My sister is married and doesn't have kids and when she and her hubby talk about the movies they go to see at the theater or going to a new restaurant, etc. I get so bummed. Those days are behind us. We don't have that freedom. Planning a date night is expensive because we not only have to pay for our date, but babysitting for 4 kids! After paying for the kids, there isn't money left over for us!! Yes, having no kids definitely has it's perks. However, I love my kids with all my heart and am so thankful that they are in my life. It's just like anything else in life, you always need a break from it. No one can go 24/7 year round at a job without a break! Being mom is a job as well. Gotta have those breaks!!
@TornadoChaser - Thank you.
Honestly, right now it's the financial aspect. I love being home with my children but financially it's about impossible for us right now so I'm looking for a full-time job. If I didn't have children my husband and I would both be able to work (and save money) and I wouldn't feel the guilt of not being with my children.
The hardest part about being a mom is not having your life to yourself - not being able to decide what you want to do and when you want to do it. Even with breaks or time to oneself, you are ALWAYS working around someone else's schedule and needs.
Always.
I miss the freedom I had when I was child free...I could go shopping for clothes or groceries and not worry about the financial aspect OR having to bring them along. I wish I could take a nap whenever I wanted. I wish I could go on a vacation with hubby and not have to worry about anyone but us.
*sigh* Being a mom is tough. I feel like I'm the only one that is ever complaining when my kids drive me bonkers, and it makes me feel guilty that I'm not a perfect mom. It makes me feel guilty that I'm not always the joyous mom that just cant wait to wake to her kids. Sometimes I'm the one pulling the pillow over my head wishing for 5 extra minutes of sleep, and for the love of God, please give me 5 seconds alone in the bathroom!!!
I DO NOT regret having children, I love them with all my soul....but sometimes it just gets overwhelming.
@reasmom@xanga - so sorry to hear about your mother.
Being a Mom is ultra tough...Love my sons wouldnt trade them for the world, but i do dream about what it would be like having none, pure bliss is what i come up with
Toughest job=Greatest Benefits!!!!
To all Moms....we ROCK!!!
@WhatWeLongToBe@xanga - am soooo with you on that bathroom comment!!!
My biggest gripe is that with my hubby in the military, I'm away from family. I want my daughter to spend time with her grandparents (and having a sitter to go on dates would be nice!). It would be nice to have a cleaner house and less clutter, and to have a little time to myself, but it's cool. I love being a mommy!
I do agree that there isn't enough preparation in the world for that first week of motherhood. And that it's not realistic to love it 100% of the time. I have my moments too, definitely!!
When I had child number 5, child number 4 was 12! It took a long time for me to be "OK" with the idea of having another child. I love him with all of my heart. He has made a huge, positive impact on everyone in our family, but I will admit there are days I think.....if number 5 had not come along, number 4 is now 18, in college and we would have freedom! LOL! The frustrations with having older children are also there. You are ALWAYS a mom no matter how old they get. The toughest part for me is feeling like a failure when things don't turn out perfectly or when your children make the wrong choices in their life. Even though they are adults, I still feel like I did something wrong somewhere at some point or they would have made a better choice. Then when I think about feeling like that......I think WOW am I self centered or what???? It's NOT all about me! If adult children make a wrong choice it is their choice and NOT MY FAILURE!
Thanks for letting me rant a little! LOL! AHHH! I feel better!
I am seven months pregnant and one thing I'm finding hard to let go is my freedom. My pregnancy was not planned, I accept the consequences of my actions. I never pictured myself as a mother and I'm scared to death about the new role I'm taking on and how much my life will change and the fact that I have to care for another human being for the rest of my life. I mistakenly voiced the fact that I was not ready to give up my freedom, even though I will and was made to feel like I was the most selfish, horrible, self centered, not worthy of this gift, waste of space. Thank you for this, letting me know that I'm not alone and won't be when I long for my life before kids and I'm not a horrible person. I love my child, I will give my life for my child, I just wasn't ready.
getting a break.
What great timing for this vent session. I am having the absolute worst day.
For me, the hardest part about being a mom is not having a moment to myself. I wake up to the baby, I go to sleep with the baby...etc. I would like one night that I could just call my own. Of course, if I actually got that, I would spend it wondering what the babies were doing. (sigh)
Oh, and did I mention I would love one day of a totally clean house? Okay, off to clean...again.
@reasmom@xanga - I am so very sorry about your mother. Sending good thoughts your way.
A vent. Hmm. Ok well I have a 6 year old and I was 19 when she was born. I was in a really bad place and my pregnancy was NOT planned but I chose to make this a good opportunity to change my life for the better. I gave up everything, my lifestyle my friends, my state. I moved home to be closer to family, and it has been my decision ever. I did mess up again, I got pregnant out of wedlock and I tried everything I could run this guy off but he stayed. I married him August 2007 and our baby was born in December. Being a mom of was and alone was super hard and more stressful than anything I have ever done. Having baby number two made things....longer. I have a husband this time but I miss peeing by myself. Showering alone without stepping over toys slippery soap gunk and late nights with little or no sleep. I have to say I am happier now then I ever was partying but there are some many times when I am ready for a girls night out, or camping without packing a whole day in advance. I miss being able to just get up and go. Just go. Now I have to get up 90 minutes earlier just to get across town. I love being a mom and wife I think all moms need a weeks vacation at least one time a year to just be a woman again. Ha! I know it won't happen but mommies deserve it. My heart goes out to all the mommies!!! Love ya and thanks for having the greatest blessing ever!!!
Doing everything you had to do before, but now you have to do it after making sure you feed, bathe, and clothe them, drag them along and prepare for all kinds of weather, make sure you bring a bag of everything you could possibly need for any situation that may possibly arise, do it on less money to be financially responsible, after all, you have to think about the kids' future now too, and make sure you have enough money to take care of their present needs as well, and do it all on about 1/4 of the sleep you used to get. Yes, motherhood can definitely be an ass kicker. It certainly is worthy of a vacation. It is most definitely the most rewarding of ass kickings ever. It's not an easy job, but someone has to do it.
Let's see right now my hardest part is my stepchildren. Most people see that and go "Oh it's that bad huh?" no they're great! I love spending time with them, hanging out listening to the stuff that is going on in their little lives. It's hard to watch them leave or want to go to their mom's. My guy and I have a son together and he has two boys from a previous marriage, we try to incorporate most of our travels with the boys and always put them before our own needs. We had an agreement from day one and 5 years later it has worked out well but sometimes I feel like I give too much for nothing? It might sound a little selfish but sometimes I want something in return?
My little guy and I never bonded how I thought we would. From the time he came out of me his head had to be up and I could never just lay him on my chest. We breastfed and that was our only sense of bonding. We never coslept and now at 13 months he is so independant! I never felt anything was wrong or difficult with this I just assumed this was the way he and I would interact. He still needs me when he falls or to make sure I am still alive but it's just our way. I knew when he was conceived he would be my only one so I try to enjoy as much as I can and let him be his own person maybe I'm raising him too independant. Who knows really right?
me time...i wish i had more me time. i feel like i never have time to read or anything at all
Going from two incomes to one. If I were to return to work, I'd either barely be off-setting the cost of child care or actually paying to go back to work. It's hard to listen to Tim talk about the possibility of him getting a second job (part-time) and feel like I'm just sitting here, idle. I know it's not really "sitting idle" but it just feels like it sometimes.
I am a mother of three all adults and a nanna to four one of my children is braindamaged my only daughter I will never have freedom I will always have to think of her till the day I die I have one son thats great' the other will not talk to me his wife does not like me all my children are in their 40 or close to it my fourth child died afew months after
birth with my daughter I will never have freedom never be able to go out with out her or special care giver to look after her I Hope one day you will look back and think what was I thinking
my brother and sister in law lost their only child at 14 years
as for bad pregnancy my first was born bottom first the 2nd I almost died the other two where great but my daughter is braindamaged
and the other died
but I can sit and play with my grandsons who are now in there teens we have alot in comon they showed me how to use a computer and we do things together yes we have fun they come to me for advice
its hard having children it's not easy
you cry you laugh and best of all you love
I am hoping tomake things better between my 2nd son and his wife as much want to be part of thier lives it will get better for you it will get worse but thats life be happy you have healthy children and someday healthy grandchildren and great grandchildren