by
Mama Fox
7 Important Things to Say (and 7 things not to say) to Your Kids
The buzzer sounded in the gym in Melbourne, Florida, and the basketball game was over. Even though 12-year-old C.J. Givens's team had lost, his aunt Melanie was ecstatic. C.J. had scored every single one of his team's 24 points -- including a couple of three-pointers. As he loped over to his family waiting in the bleachers, the hugs and compliments started flying: "You were awesome!" "Way to hustle for all those points!" Then C.J.'s aunt said, "Now, if you could just help your teammates play as well as you do, you guys would be unstoppable!"
"What do you mean?" C.J. said defensively. "I did the best I could! What didn't I do right?" His aunt couldn't understand the boy's reaction. She'd just finished showering him with praise.
"The message C.J. got was that he didn't do enough," explains child psychologist Vicki Panaccione, PhD, founder of the Better Parenting Institute in Melbourne. "His aunt was telling him he was so fabulous, he could be a mentor to his teammates. An adult would have gotten that. But that's not what he heard, because of the words she used."
A parent, or anyone else who interacts regularly with kids, knows that communicating effectively with them can be difficult. In C.J.'s case, his aunt simply explained herself and the boy calmed down. But common words and phrases, no matter how well -- intended, can do emotional and psychological harm. Young brains are still developing through the teen years, and kids can't be expected to process words, context and nuance (sarcasm, for instance) the same way that an adult's brain does. If you want children to grow up into the best possible versions of themselves, it's crucial to replace damaging words in your vocabulary with alternatives that help build character. Some of the things parents say to kids seem harmless or even constructive on the surface, but, experts say, they may hurt more than help. Here are seven of these common phrases, and alternatives to get your message across in a better way.
Ha! Making you click...
Finish the article.
Have you ever said something to your child and he/she misinterpreted it?
Recommend
Comments (7)
when i was a kid i would hear my parents talk about us going outside "jacking around" and i guess i misremembered the phrase so my parents one day asked me where my brother was and i said "he's outside jacking off!" little did i know, jacking off did not mean jacking around, and i was subsequently punished for something i didn't know i did.
That reminds me of the article I copied for referrence out of Good Housekeeping (November 2008; The Secret to Better Grades) yesterday...about how saying, "You're a genius!" can actually be counter productive in that children may shy way from future challenges for fear of looking "dumb" if they mess up. Instead it's better to say something like, "You worked really hard on that." It's incredible how much impact wording can have, even when it seems small and innocent.
one time i overheard my older sister use the phrase "piss up a flag pole"
so one night at dinner my mom says "rhaissa it's your turn to do dishes" to which i replied "oh why dont you go piss up a flag pole"
i'm surprised i'm still alive to this day...lol
I love Reader's Digest.
I feel like I misinterpreted my mother all the time! Well, English wasn't her first language, so I guess that's expected.
There's a fine line between communicating effectively with your children and "explaining" every little thing you tell them. I agree with the first part of the article, but then it goes off into always giving a reason for everything a parent says (which I think is unnecessary). I have a sister-in-law who has explained every "no" answer she gave her daughter and would constantly reason with her every time she directed her. Now her daughter is 4 and is mostly impossible to deal with. She now tries to "explain" away every time she is disobedient because she believes that will help her get away with it. She always has an excuse and a reason for everything and gets horribly upset anytime anyone disregards her reason and tells her what she did was still wrong.
@MlleBaroque@xanga - I totally agree with you!
My x-boyfriends mother told him he was an accident and she never really wanted him. he was depressed for a few years after that =\ why would you say that to your kid.