Thursday, 09 October 2008
by Mama HippoAs a mom, and especially as a stay-at-home mom, I think I tend to get into the habit of assuming responsibility for things that have to do with D. It's something we all probably do, in all sorts of areas of life. For example, my husband is a much better cook than I am, so even
before we had any kids, it would often be assumed that he'd cook dinner, unless he asked me to. These days I find that we both tend to assume I'll take care of the things, like feeding D or getting him ready for bed at night. It even goes as far as me having a shorter tolerance for fussing, so if all of us are home and D starts fussing while playing on the floor I tend to be the one to pick him up, as hubby takes a bit longer to respond (I don't want to make him seem like a bad dad -- he's an incredible father, and very involved. He and I just deal with certain situations differently).
Lately, we've both been trying to fight these assumptions. There's more nights where I'll cook dinner while hubby gives D his bath and gets him into bed. However, there's one thing that I tend to do 99% of the time because hubby actively avoids it -- feeding D solid foods. Hubby has done this a handful of times, and it's turned out quite messy and sometimes D doesn't eat much, or anything at all. This has made hubby gun-shy and afraid of feeding D. Lately, I've tried getting him to do a feeding, and he'll try a few bites, then declare that D's not eating anything and hand me the bowl and spoon (never mind that half the time D doesn't take anything from me, either, but that's another post).
I know he means well, and he admits that he needs to get over this fear he has. I think I'll need to put him in charge of a feeding a few times and leave the room so that he HAS to do it on his own and can't pass it off to me. I actually think this is something I should do more often in general, just leaving the 2 of them together for an hour or two, so that hubby gets more comfortable and confident with his ability to take care of D on his own. I think it's tough for him that I deal with D so much and know his habits so much more, but hubby just doesn't spend as much time with him (because of working full-time) and doesn't feel that same comfort.
Have any of you had trouble with getting your husband to be more involved with the kids and their caretaking? Do you take turns changing your baby's diapers, feeding him or her, and so forth?