by Mama Fox
For many households, religion is something that is agreed upon. Many times church is how couples met. There's a mutual agreement to raise their children in their faith. But what happens when you are an interfaith couple? How do you decide which religion to teach or how to teach them both without confusion?
I am Pagan. My husband, while I consider him Agnostic, claims Christianity. Our upbringings are very different. I was raised in a Southern Baptist home where going to church was optional and rarely happened anyway. My in-laws are the other extreme. My father-in-law went through bible college when Papa Fox was seven and is now an ordained minister.
While he doesn't have a church, he often does prison ministries, and last year took a few weeks off of work to minister in Ireland. My mother-in-law was raised strict Lutheran so that influences how she raised her children. Papa Fox was surrounded by his parents' religion all his life, where I was just free to make up my own mind. I discovered Paganism when I was 15 and never looked back.
Before we got married, we went through a few sessions of marriage counseling. Of course the question, "What religion will you raise your children in?" came up. We both agreed that we would teach them the world religions and let them choose what fits them. I still plan on doing that. With knowledge comes understanding. I think giving them the knowledge will help them be more accepting of other religions, no matter which one they choose. Religious intolerance is such a sad fact of today.
Because Papa Fox is not what you would call "a practicing Christian," the kids don't get anything from him, but they get a dose of Christianity from time to time from their grandparents. And I give them little glimpses of my faith. I tell them stories about the moon Goddess and how, if you listen, you could hear the trees talk. I'm raising them to respect nature and the Earth, but try to tone down more of the religion/abstract part of it until they are older. I've already had to explain a little bit about how not all witches are green and try to eat children -- haha! They have enjoyed the few Pagan children's books I have found.
In a few years, when explaining other religions won't be confusing, I want to devote a few weeks of our homeschooling time to religions of the world. I have websites, like
BeliefNet and
Religious Tolerance to help out. I think it would make a great unit study and would lead into other topics, like geography and history. I know I'm looking forward to it.
Do you and your significant other agree on what religion to raise your children in? If you are interfaith, how did you decide what to teach them?
Comments (76)
I'm Catholic and my husband was raised Catholic and is now Baptist. We have agreed to raise our children Catholic. There are three sacraments of initiation, so we will just have them baptized. Then it will be up to our children if they wish to pursue Catholicism and get the other two sacraments of initiation.
I'm Eclectic Pagan and my husband is Agnostic. We've decided that we'll raise her with a bit of a Pagan influence but like you let her chose her own religion. I also plan to home school, and I want to a world religions unit as well. I was lucky enough to have a World History teacher do a world religions unit. That's how I expanded some of my beliefs.
My boyfriend and I are reeeally interfaith...
I'm agnostic(ish), raised in a Christian home, and he's a devout Sunni Muslim. While I know it is a part of the Muslim faith to raise the children strictly as Muslims, I'm not sure if I could do that. There is a certain discrimination, however subtle, that comes with being raised in a mono-religious home. I applaud you for the attitude you're taking with this. I am absolutely willing to let my children choose whichever religion they believe is right, but I think they also deserve to be exposed to more than just the popular american religions. I know that during my childhood, during a particular bible class I went through, I got to look through all of the sects of Christianity and decide which one I agreed most with. Now, however, I find myself gravitating more towards Buddhism, and I feel like I've missed a lot of time trying to find something I'm comfortable with.
I just wish my family had exposed me to other things, earlier, like you want to.
I was raised Baptist. But during my freshman year in college I converted to Lutheran.
My husband was raised Roman Catholic. But on the day we held our son's baptism he joined our church (it's Lutheran).
We are going to raise our kids in the Lutheran church.
My husband and I are raising our daughters in the Christian faith, which is what we were both raised in as well. We're in the Southern Baptist denomination and church is not optional, but required while our girls live under our roof. When they move out then it's up to them to make their faith truly their own or to toss it in favor of something else. Of course, my husband and I hope they make the faith we've raised them in their own. My parents did the same for me and I really appreciate that they did so. When I chose to go to church on my own and profess my faith during college, I knew I was making my own decision. Of course I did wander for a bit initially, but one has to explore after all if one is curious.
Great blog entry and question!
I'm Jehovah Witness and my husband is Agnostic. We're going to allow our daughter to believe how ever she feels.
My hubby was raised strict Catholic. I grew up in the Christian church, Disciples of Christ. I went to a lot of different Christian churches along the way, though; baptist, southern baptist, presbyterian, methodist. My husband and I find Methodist seems to be a place we can both be comfortable at. He hasn't been a practicing Catholic for quite some time now, but we go to church as a family at least twice a month. I'd like to go every Sunday, but, well, I don't have a good excuse. We need to start going every Sunday. But we want to raise our kids in the Church and it's a mutual decision. We're military so we move around a good bit, so we typically go to the christian service the base chapel offers, which means we get a good mix of most all denominations. I like it that way. If the day comes and my children make the decision not to be a part of the Christian church, well, then that's their decision and it's their salvation. All I can do it try to influence it towards God while I can. No one can change what's in your heart, but yourself and God. But they don't get to make that decision until they don't live in my house anymore. Until they leave, they will be expected to attend church with the rest of the family.
I don't really understand the whole "not teaching your religion to your children" thing. How does that work? If you believe it and really live it out, then how could your kids not find themselves living out your religion too?? If they choose to move away from it later, I can see accepting that and even embracing that freedom but intentionally trying to make your personal believes not so obvious that your child would pick up on it seems pretty wishy-washy. Do you really believe in your faith, or just think it feels cool to you? What happened to the concept of truth?
@trulytaken@xanga - What happen to truth? Everyone believes that if it is their belief than it is true. Many people today believe truth changes from one person to another, but they are wrong. There is only One truth. Either Jesus is God and died on the cross to take the penalty for our sin or he didn't. Me believing it doesn't make it true. It is TRUE! People today think because they believe it, it's true, even if it isn't. If I believe there is a chair behind me, but there is not, me believing the chair is there will not keep me from falling on the floor when I go to sit down because the truth was, the chair was not there. Me believing it was, didn't save me.
Maybe you can tell, I'm a follower of Christ and so is my husband. That is how our children were and are being raised. They definitely make their faith their own as they grow and mature....as it has to be.
Living in a home where I don't have the same religious beliefs as my parents and my sister, this is a touchy subject for me. Knowing what it is like to be "forced" to attend religious meetings when you don't believe in what is being taught, I would never to it to my children. If I happen to marry a Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, etc. man, my children will never be forced to attend those religious services the same way they won't be forced to not believe in God just because I don't.
My husband and I tend to follow Judaism even though we were both raised in Christian homes (for me, Baptist and for him, Catholic). My mom never forced religion on me and actually encouraged me to learn as many different religions as possible and choose one which I could give my whole heart to. I always said I would do for my children what my mom did for me. Being that Junior is moderately autistic, he has no interest in religion and personally...I think he is already closer to his creator than I could ever dream of being. A more pure soul I have never met and I wouldn't dream of trying to introduce a faith system that would convince him he isn't good enough the way he is.
Seeing some of the responses is a clear reminder as to why I did not marry someone outside of my faith - my faith is too important to me for it to be disagreed upon by my husband. My children will be required to go to church as long as they live in my home and respect the beliefs of our family - we have been Baptists for 7 generations - with that legacy and our convictions we will remain Baptist and evangelize to our children and their children until the roll is called up yonder.
Well, I guess we'd be considered "interfaith"... I'm an Atheist and Tim's...spiritual? Agnostic? (He believes there's something out there, but doesn't really go for the organized-religion bit.) Since we generally don't practice anything (all holidays we celebrate are centered around family/spending time together and we're both good with that), I'm assuming it'll be a bit before we have to get into actually explaining anything, but, eventually, she'll ask and then I think it would definitely be beneficial to teach her some of the other beliefs of others. If something rings true for her and she chooses to believe and follow that religion, I'll be happy for her/that she found what's right for her.
It makes me happy to see how many people have such an open attitude to religion. It speaks of a generation which is more aware of its diversity and that all beliefs may be equally valid if they do no harm to others. I like that.
I hope and pray that someday, when I have kids, they will not embrace ANY religion. I hate religion, religiosity.
I do, however, hope and pray that they will come to know and love Jesus the way that I do, and that every fiber of their being will cry out for more of Him, for His glory. I hope they will have a relationship with Him, not join a religion about Him.
Both my husband and I are Christian's. He was raised Baptist and I was raised in a non-denominational church. We both now go to an inter denominational church. We will be raising Parker in a Christian home, we already let him listen to kids praise and worship cd's, veggie tales, things of that nature...we obviously hope, pray and desire that Parker chooses to have a personal relationship with Christ. But it will be completely up to him!Â
My children will be raised as Christians, and church will be required. Â I could never marry or have children with someone who did not agree with that.
I'm an atheist and my husband is agnostic. I plan to raise my son with an open platform. For his younger years, I plan to just say nothing about religion. Once he gets to that age where he starts asking questions, I will do my best to help him find the answers, and give him the freedom to choose in what he believes.
none.
I'm just wondering - if you have a religion at all in any way, wouldn't it be the right one? Cause if you thought it was the wrong one, you probably wouldn't practice it. Right? If I thought I was wrong and someone else right, I would go do what they're doing. And if I really felt like I was right and there were wrong, I would want them to be right too. If I believed what I believed was right, then I would want my children to be raised that "what Mommy's doing is not a waste of time and effort, but is a true show of faith". When children are raised in a one religion home and get to "choose" it almost seems like the parents are saying, "Hey, we've had fun, but we're just not right so you go and pick whatever you want cause that probably will be. In the meantime we're still going to do our thing because even though it's probably wrong, it makes us feel good."
Pretty sure that pulls a lot away from the idea of religion anyway. As far as I understood religion wasn't about "feelings" but about knowing what's right and what's not. Otherwise, why choose any religion over another? Therefore, this question is moot. Of course you should raise your children in your faith - unless your faith doesn't mean crap to you. Otherwise, you're teaching them that you don't really know enough about the world to make a good decision, and why should they do anything you ever say?
I don't think you should "raise" your kid in any religion. Let them get out in the world and decide for themselves what religion they want to follow.
Ha, if I ever have kids, they'll decide in whatever they want.
I'm not teaching them any sort of Religion, ever. I'm Atheist so it wouldn't make sense for me to push Religion on them. When they're old enough, they can decide.
We don't follow any religion, so they can choose to believe whatever they want.
My kids, I would hope, would follow in my footsteps and find their path in some sort of pagan religion. However, it is not my job as a pagan to ensure that they do. Paganism is all about freedom, so it makes sense my children would have the choice and freedom to choose whatever they believe in, or to not believe in anything at all.
On a side note, I don't think they'd be raised up around anything else. I have found that Christianity and paganism do not mix well, and all of the Christian woman I have met believe it's their way or the wrong way. An agnostic or a like-minded pagan woman would make much more sense for me.