by Nurse Jenna
Today, I gave and graded the first exam for a new group of nursing students. Though overall they did reasonably well, many were still not happy with their grades. I always do an analysis of the exam questions to determine if a question was poorly asked, and if I think ulti mately I did not write the question well, I may add extra points to everyone’s score. I did that for one question on this exam. Despite the additional points, a couple of people still failed the test. I was approached after class by some of the students who attempted to negotiate with me. I heard about how they “needed to pass” and how “they studied really hard” and how “there were family problems.” While I did initially feel bad, the logical part of my brain prevailed. I realized, though some people may have been led to believe differently in childhood, an “A” for effort doesn’t exist in the real world.
This made me wonder if we aren’t doing our kids a disservice when we are constantly applauding their efforts, and have taken the focus completely off performance. Nowadays, every kid gets a trophy for an event, regardless of whether they have actually won or not. We celebrate graduations for every grade and make everything seem like an achievement even if nothing substantial has been accomplished. We make it seem like showing up is worthy of an award.
While certainly encouragement has to be tailored to a child’s age, (I believe you can never emotionally over-indulge an infant), I think you can distort a child’s view of themselves with constant praise as they get older. A baby throws a ball... Yeah! We all clap. The first steps are taken... Bravo! A toddler eats their vegetables... Good job! The alphabet was sung missing 10 letters... Super-duper! They tie their shoe on the wrong foot... that deserves ice cream!
The next thing you know, those kids are in nursing school thinking that because they got half the question right, they deserve some sort of credit. After all, they are accustomed to partial-credit in life, some type of gold star for trying. Unfortunately, on the job, giving someone their medication only partially correct could kill them. Trying isn’t good enough; you have to do. You don’t get to pass your exams just because you tried really hard. You don’t get promoted because you worked really hard. You have to deliver. The real world doesn’t operate on “effort.”
At what point are we actually hindering our kids by applauding effort and not results? What is an appropriate age to stop all-encompassing approval?
Comments (52)
Didn't Yoda say something about just doing and not just trying? Life rewards results; might as well let kids know that early.
I completely agree with you on this. Hey, look! We don't disagree on everything.
@Amyld@xanga - How can parents teach what they don't know? I see many people on this site who homeschool who don't seem to have advanced degrees. I was an english major - I might be able to mentor my kid in critical reading, but even what I think is a "good" writing style was hated by many of my professors (and i did really well in school!) I don't see how you can home school what you don't know (I understand calculus, but certainly couldn't teach it!)
You're the parent; not their cheerleader or friend. Its part of our responsibility to usher them into the real world - and being disappointed and learning to fail is part of that. Quit coddling your kids!
i recently read a story about a school district in texas, i believe, that was planning to institute a new grading system with the goal of increasing the number of students that pass. some of the examples they cited were giving students an extra day to complete homework if they fail to turn it in on the due date and giving a student another chance to take a test if they got a poor grade (with the understanding that the lower grade would be tossed out). teachers throughout the school were incensed by this blatent attempt by the school board to appear more successful (by lowering standards).
i absolutely agree with you. no "A" for effort! if we continue to lower our standards just so we can merely "appear" to be more successful number-wise, we are only hurting ourselves. our children will be worse off for it and we will only have ourselves to blame. it's time that we raise the standards in our school and refuse to trade sub-par students for super-duper statistics.
the only thing we have to be careful of is making sure that we don't raise the bar too high that it's impossible for our kids. school should be challenging...but not impossible.
The excuses get creative don't they?
I couldn't have said it better.
This is excellent. I agree that we've over-indulged the children of this generation with regard to praise.
One does not graduate from elementary school, you just progress.
Life can be hard, but just because you show up (and still don't do well) does not warrant an extra pat on the back and better grade.
I totally agree with the idea that kids should learn to be accountable for their actions. If they do not do their homework, or procrastinate then they should deal with the consequences of their actions.
As several people have stated: disappointment is a normal part of life. People should learn to work beyond "family problems" and situations. Of course there will be certain times this is allowable but at the end of the day, preparedness will benefit ANYONE.
You're all equal! You're all unique and special!
I've heard of schools remaking grade systems so that no letter grade can have a negative sign after it. Because that's just too...negative.
I couldn't agree more on kids being overapplauded. When I got my first job it was a real kick in the tail. Welcome to the real world...
On the other hand, parents shouldn't have overly high expectations for their kids. They should accept that their kids may not be the sharpest. Compliment on grades that are higher than that kid normally gets, but leave them alone about all the other grades and don't tell them they should do better. They'll try on their own to get higher grades because they get praised for a grade that's better than they usually get. And NEVER lie and tell them they're good at something they're not. Give them the truth. Tell them they're improving if it's true, but don't tell them they're good if they're not. They'll find out later and not trust you because you lied.Yeah, you gotta win to win... Lose some, win more...
I'm studying in the health field. My understanding is that if a doctor or nurse makes a mistake, it can kill the patient. There's no "A" for effort in that. I think students need to start learning to take responsibility for their own actions and to recognize their actions can have some real consequences!
I was homeschooled my entire life. And contrary to popular belief, homeschoolers do not automatically pass tests because their parents are grading. My mom didn't see the use of testing in the elementary grades. Rather she judged progress based on aptitude, and if she didn't think that I did well in something, by golly, I redid it.
If the floor wasn't swept right she would have me do it again. If the essay had incorrect grammar and spelling, dadblameit, that essay was redone. I remember one time, I wrote the same essay 5 times over. And by golly, (not to sound prideful) my writing is really good. If I was reading aloud, and mispronounced a word umpteen times, I would sound out every single individual phonogram until I got it right. And by golly, my reading skills are above average.
So I started law school, and sent in my very first case briefs to my Teaching Assitant's. Next morning, what's waiting in my inbox? An email telling me that the casebrief's were done incorrectly, explanations on how to do them correctly, and instructions to send them in by the end of the week, with the correct modifications. *Sigh* Feels just like old times!
the education system needs to be revamped. no child left behind only implemented standardized tests which in turned caused teachers to teach their kids how to pass the test or lose their job. the subject matter gets pushed to the wayside.
parents also need to realize that sheltering your child is not going to make them into capable, self-sufficient adults. your child will always be your child whether s/he is 6 or 36. you can't protect them from everything for forever!
a good article I had to read for accreditation at my old teaching job was entitled "Five Reasons to Stop Saying 'Good Job'" anyone who deals with children (as relatives or educators) should read it!
Sometimes we overanalyze what we are or arent doing for our children; how we're raising them, what kind of results are they getting during their schooling. I completely get the analyzing it all, that's natural. Everything in moderation= praise for appropriate things sometimes and overlooking other things that might not meet our high standards, And yet I cant help but think also of something that has come to my attention lately and that is that kids spend absolutely way too much time trying to pass meaningless test, stuffing their brains full of facts they will forget as soon as they have to fill it up again with more, then they spend the rest of their time in front of screens and texting eachother over nonsense. Maybe if they're lucky they do a little work part-time and dont squander that away on fancy clothes and other junk. Sure i sound like a real negative old-head here but when i think about the children who lived 100 yrs ago they had to actually work- hard work! And they watched their parents and family and friends work as well which only inspired them to be all that they could be with or without an 'education'.
We unschool and we do not give Grades because to us they arent necesary. They dont need to be measuring up to anyone. Our children learn from life and they learn what they wish, and are and will be self-motivated learners to do what they wish. They dont need to *perform*. I find it Interesting and ignorant also that a poster here says she expects that all parents/moms wish for their child to go to college. No. dont think so; I wish for my child to do as they want for *themselves*. Not every person achieves happiness simply because they go to college- Many do not. And to further inform you: children who are homeschooled ARE NOT stuck in their home for 12 yrs! Geez, i'm so sick of hearing this idiocy. WHY would we do that when we have all the freedom in the world (unlike students sitting at desks all day watching the clock and asking for permission to pee) to go lots of places and see lots of things and meet lots of people, *including tutors, teachers, instructors and yes even attend college prep classes. Imagine that!
@NewParentsLF - We *dont* teach what we dont know. The kids *learn* what they want to by whomever or by whatever means they need to because they are fully capable. Some of us dont actually beleive that the only way to learn is to be taught by authority. Some of us dont even believe that all those hours of sitting and cramming facts in ones head is preparation for a successful and satisfying life.
I'm glad my parents never gave me "A's" for my effort. Nothing was ever good enough and so I ALWAYS strived for more. For better.
Though when I was younger it seemed harsh, and often made me resent them, I can now see why they did it.
great eye-opener. thanks :))
ciao~
I think you are right. I'm a nursing student, and it is turning out to be may more work than I expected, but I feel good about the fact that I've survived this far. After one year, about half our class has either dropped out or been kicked out, and I can see that those remaining are the ones who really have a drive and who can take responsibility for their own actions. I'm glad that my parents didn't do my homework for me, and that I had teachers who gave me the grades I truly earned.
I agree!!! My opinion is that there is no age where all-encompassing approval should be given!!! You can encourage and praise your child, but you should also show them what SHOULD have been done and how to do it correctly. Encouraging and fixing is much more productive without building a child's expectation for prizes. People these days are not taking responsibility for themselves while thinking that they are awesome! -_-. Far from it. It's also just really lame... In my family, graduating from college is a MUST. It's an expectation, not an achievement. We're also expected to go to reputable universities (which I did not..) and seek further education than bachelors degree (Or go to professional school). Praising people for everything is incredibly stupid.
@brownalpaca@xanga - That's also part of the problem though...Those hours spent cramming will pay out in the end. That is why some people work in offices and work short hours while others work their butts off. Besides that, those hours of cramming teach you about hard work and sacrificing. It's important to know that you DO have to work hard. Everything isn't just handed to you.
@brownalpaca@xanga - I do not think everyone needs to go to college to be happy. I completely agree with that. However, I could not disagree more that you are not measured against others in life. It is just the reality that you are; that is how things work. To get a job over another person, the more qualified person gets the job--not the ¨nicer¨¨ person, or the person who ¨tried harder¨, or who is ¨happier¨.¨ You may not like that this is how the world works, but this is indeed the reality into which our children are sent. I do not believe we do them a service to lead them to believe otherwise. If you are teaching them a false reality when home schooling, they are in for a rude awakening whether they choose to attend college, or enter the working world.
Agreed. I think this is where the sense of entitlement that many kids today exhibit.
There was an episode of "My Gym Partner's A Monkey" that aired on Cartoon Network that hammered the point home on this issue. I found the episode online here, if you're interested: http://www.truveo.com/My-Gym-Partners-A-Monkey-Making-the-Grade/id/2811564871
I was actually surprised that they were showing this on a kids network, but I applaud them for trying to bring the issue not only to the parents, but to the kids as well.
This really hits home because I'm a nursing student and I've seen people do exactly what you described: pleading for a pass because they supposedly studied hard. I'm sorry but that's not fair, when your incompetance could result in somebody getting hurt, it really doesn't matter how hard you worked. You need to understand the material and do well, that is the bottom line.
As soon as kids start coming home with marks from school, that is when good work ethic should be instilled. Not every subject is our forte, and no one should be made to feel bad about that when they tried, but instead of making excuses kids should be encouraged that those are the things they have to try hardest at! And of course, get rewarded when those efforts pay off.