by Nurse Jenna
Today, I gave and graded the first exam for a new group of nursing students. Though overall they did reasonably well, many were still not happy with their grades. I always do an analysis of the exam questions to determine if a question was poorly asked, and if I think ulti mately I did not write the question well, I may add extra points to everyone’s score. I did that for one question on this exam. Despite the additional points, a couple of people still failed the test. I was approached after class by some of the students who attempted to negotiate with me. I heard about how they “needed to pass” and how “they studied really hard” and how “there were family problems.” While I did initially feel bad, the logical part of my brain prevailed. I realized, though some people may have been led to believe differently in childhood, an “A” for effort doesn’t exist in the real world.
This made me wonder if we aren’t doing our kids a disservice when we are constantly applauding their efforts, and have taken the focus completely off performance. Nowadays, every kid gets a trophy for an event, regardless of whether they have actually won or not. We celebrate graduations for every grade and make everything seem like an achievement even if nothing substantial has been accomplished. We make it seem like showing up is worthy of an award.
While certainly encouragement has to be tailored to a child’s age, (I believe you can never emotionally over-indulge an infant), I think you can distort a child’s view of themselves with constant praise as they get older. A baby throws a ball... Yeah! We all clap. The first steps are taken... Bravo! A toddler eats their vegetables... Good job! The alphabet was sung missing 10 letters... Super-duper! They tie their shoe on the wrong foot... that deserves ice cream!
The next thing you know, those kids are in nursing school thinking that because they got half the question right, they deserve some sort of credit. After all, they are accustomed to partial-credit in life, some type of gold star for trying. Unfortunately, on the job, giving someone their medication only partially correct could kill them. Trying isn’t good enough; you have to do. You don’t get to pass your exams just because you tried really hard. You don’t get promoted because you worked really hard. You have to deliver. The real world doesn’t operate on “effort.”
At what point are we actually hindering our kids by applauding effort and not results? What is an appropriate age to stop all-encompassing approval?
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Comments (52)
Goodness this could not of come at a more appropriate time! Our 7th grader thinks that Daddy and Mama should be doing his homework and keeping up with class projects. I keep telling him that I finished 7th grade many, many years ago and now its his turn. No a for effort here!!!
David and I were discussing something similar to this a few days ago. Schools are starting to give children certain grades for not even trying. I think he said it was in Pennsylvania that every student got a 50% no matter what. That means they will go the whole semester getting a 50 and then have to do minimal effort to get that up to passing. That isn't fair at all to the student who works hard to get a hardly passing grade.
My mom, who works in a school, was also saying how teachers in her district are only allowed so many failing students and they are graded on how their classes do. The school is graded based on how many students pass the TAKS test each year and most of the work done during the year goes to preparing for the test. Students are giving more than enough opportunities to get extra credit and bring their grades up so they don't have to do good work on a few things, they can do so-so work on a bunch of things. And since they have so many grades, one low grade will mean nothing.
That isn't preparing students for anything. Even in college you will end up with like 5 grades total for the whole semester. If you screw up you may have a chance but you have to work for it and hard.
I think children today have things easier than they should.
Disappointments are a part of life, and kids need to learn that early on. Part of the whole "the world does not revolve around me" mentality. You get what you give in life, and that includes relationships, school, jobs, etc. It's part of living! good post!
Bravo. This needs to be re-applied through out all education levels. Performance=Rewards. We are doing (and have been) a great dis-service by giving credit where it isn't due. We have raised nearly and entire generation of "entitlement" minded people and wonder why things are such a mess. I say go back to the day when kids got their feelings hurt by not being first and being fair wasn't the primary concern during each event. Let's praise children for the strengths and let them deal with their weaknesses.
Great post! I totally understand - I teach at a private university and many students think they "deserve" a second chance or a better grade all the time.
I think we should encourage children who actually do put forth effort - but I don't think we should applaud every time a child tries something. It's a balance that I think each parent must figure out by themselves.
I stated school later in life. I noticed right away that, while not all, many of the younger students were just doing the bare minimum to get by in the classes.
My first English professor was the one that sparked my interest in writing. On my first essay in over fifteen years, I received a "D". Instead of complaining I was unfairly graded, like many of the other students, I went to her and asked for help. Myself and another student of similar age would stay after class to go over our papers, we would hit the library for hours on end. We worked to earn our "A" papers.
This sense of "hey I showed up, isn't that enough?" is crazy. I want my children to earn the grades. Much like someone else said, I finished school years ago. I certainly don't want to do your sixth grade homework.
Excellent post.
I think that kids need to learn some level of disappointment by the time they get to school. If they don't, they are in for a rude awakening when they get to school and the harsh reality of a poor grade will set in.
I think that we should be doing more to make our children understand that nothing in life comes easy or free. There is a big difference between loving and supporting your child and giving them a reward for every little thing that they do. Somethings should just be expected at a certain age. In the beginning I think it is good to reward them for good grades but as they get older they need to understand that it is expected and will pay off for them later in life.
I recently graduated from nursing school. It is a rude awakening for a lot of people. For me, I didn't have to put a whole lot of effort or study into my pre-req's and I got almost all A's with the exception of a couple of B's. In nursing school I had to study like crazy to get a B. It truly was a shock to me. Not because I wasn't willing to work (I did so I would pass) but just because everything else up to that point had been so easy.
AMEN!
I would just like to say that I wish life was about effort.
I honestly thought my mother was joking when she invited me to my second cousin's Kindergarten graduation. They're being rewarded for what, exactly? Coloring some pictures of letters and singing 'The Wheels on the Bus'?? And with an all-out ceremony?? *blink...bliiiiink...blink*
I expect Megan to try her best and practice until she can sucessfully complete x-task. Whether she's 3 or 30. If it's tying her shoes or earning her nursing degree. And you don't get your reward until x-task is completely sucessfully. Like 'happygirl' said above, there's a difference between encouraging/supporting your child and coddling them.
@elr6355@xanga - I agree with the working to barely pass.
For me Math was extremely hard in Highschool. I would spend three or four mornings a week in my teachers office getting help. I barely passed those classes. The teachers made sure I passed by giving me extra credit to do, because I worked so hard at it and other people barely worked.
That being said... if you are in school for a particular degree then you should not have any excuses. Either do better or find another degree. I may have struggled in Math but when I was in school for String Bass Performance I got straight A's in all my music classes. I did fairly well in English and still struggled and barely passed math. There is no room for mistakes in Health Care.
I think coddling leads to a general sense of entitlement. Grade inflation is ridiculous these days. Due to college admission standards, high schools (especially higher end magnet and boarding schools) feel enormous pressure from parents so that they end up inflating grades, so as to not hurt the chances for their students to get into "good" schools.
In the end, this hurts everyone. Life has a way of leveling things out (most of the time- some idiots can make it fairly far in life.) If you don't really learn that you aren't doing something right and that you really are NOT doing a good job, it will be a rude awakening later.
Not every kid is special. We need to teach our children perspective. There's nothing wrong with not being "great" at everything and we need to let our kids know when they need to work at things to improve them. I think this will instill a proper work ethic in our kids.
Personally, I think this is why home schooling is a very BAD idea.
I think it's ok to encourage your child for trying. Like when they tie their shoe on the wrong foot, I think it's a good idea to say "Good job, you tied your shoe! But you did it on the wrong foot. Here, let me show you, then you try" But as for going all out "YAAAAAAY YOU DID IT LETS GO CELEBRATE" no. Until the task is done right, there's no sense in having a huge celebration.
My parents spoiled me in a million different ways, but one thing I can say is that they never applauded me for doing something "sort of" good.
My dad or mother would say, "I'm proud that you've finished ___. I believe you could do better than what you've done here."
They raised me to believe that there is always room for improvement. It saved me a lot of heartache and frustration in the long run, I think, and helped me to be realistic.
@KiminDC - The majority of home schooled kids do not get F's because they are actually taught. Most schools do a horrible job at actually teaching our children. Most of the time, they go over something just enough to have the students pass a test, and never mention it again. That is not teaching. All of the home schooled kids I know are extremely intelligent and the ones who are adults have all gotten at least a Masters degree. (The other is finishing up a Ph.D). The statistics say that home schooled children are over-all much more likely to get a college degree.
@bassangel@xanga - That is exactly what I was saying. If a person is going to school for a specific degree they need to do well. Kids seem to think that because they get their hand held up until college that professors should do the same thing. At least in high school they need to teach the kid that through life you are not always going to get your hand held through everything. Some things you need to work for and if you can't do it then find something else that you can.
Exactly. My parents have been noticing this for a while now - that it is similiting easier and easier to get grades that were unheard of a few years ago.
Are kids getting smarter? No, it's just that standards are slipping and we're expecting less and less from our kids in order to achieve those top grades.
Is it any wonder then, that the drop-out rate at college is so high and people struggle at college when they're expected to do their own work and are not spoon fed every single thing in order to pass their exams?
Wake the children up, wake the parents up, and start grading along much stricter guidelines. This needs to be done from at least the 8/9th grade up. At this stage, children are more than hardy and resilient enough to take a bad grade and bounce back from it. Parents often forget: your children are made of much tougher stuff than you think. One bad grade wont ruin a life, but a lifetime of mediocre grades can and will. Once you start a culture of studying and gaining the rewards, the easier it will be to maintain and thus rewards will have been earned and not handed out like government bail-outs!
Excellent post!
I agree with you completely. There is a point when certain things are just expected of children and shouldn't be rewarded. I remember being in grade school and the other kids in my class would get $10 from their parents for each 'A' on their report card. I asked my parents why I didn't get money for all of my 'A's, and they explained to me that I shouldn't need a monetary incentive to get good grades, that it was expected of me. Besides that, they could afford it. Lol.
I think the awards and big praise should go to actual accomplishments, but I think we should encourage kids when they try. Yes, trying isn't the same as doing, but you can't do without trying. We should encourage them to figure out where they went wrong and what they can do differently next time. But they don't need a big ceremonious award for every little effort.
Yes, education is to prepare for the real world, but kids are not little adults. They don't automatically know that when you don't do something right the first time, you need to figure out why and try it again. Because they don't have that maturity yet, they might just get discouraged and give up altogether. We need to encourage them to keep trying until they get it and show them ways that might help them get it so they don't get so frustrated they give up, but not overpraise.
This problem is definitely not isolated to little kids - I remember reading a study done of the GPA's at Ivy League schools and it was pretty clear that the average grade in many courses were A- to B+. It was shown that this was a recent trend caused by a desire to drive up grad school rates.