by Nurse Jenna
Times have changed. Things that were acceptable a few generations ago, or even when we were kids, are no longer considered kosher parenting. Corporal punishment is a good example. How many kids used to get “the belt,” or at the very least, were sent to their room for an indeterminate length of time (dinner questionable). A “time-out,” in yesteryear was something that happened during gym class or sports, not the child-friendly form of discipline it is today.
Looking back at the way in which my parents did things, they had some sketchy child-rearing tactics. My mom initially did try to teach me to swim using standard methods—swim lessons at the YMCA.
I, however, wanted nothing to do with any of that head-under-the-water game. After I strategically managed to get myself kicked out of swim class, my mom shortly thereafter tricked me into thinking we were going to spend a fun afternoon at the pool where I would flap around in the kiddy pool. No, it was actually baptism by fire… or water. She threw me right into the “big” pool, flip-flops and all.
Her defense to this day is, “Well, you came back up.” I don’t condone her teaching methods, though I guess I have her to thank for my SCUBA certification. Otherwise, I still probably wouldn't be putting my head in the water. Today, however, if you pulled a stunt like that at the pool, you'd end up with your mugshot on the 10 o'clock news.
Many of the things our parents did would be frowned upon in today’s society.
Are there things your parents did that would no longer be considered acceptable?
Comments (94)
My mom smoked around us. I'm sure it wasn't exactly considered "safe" in those days, but a LOT more ppl definitely smoked, and most of them choosed to smoke inside the house and around the children. Unfortunately, I picked up the habit myself, and am having a hell of a time putting it down. When it comes to my son, though, I respect his health as much as I possibly can by smoking outside and never smoking in the car. I understand this still isn't the healthiest situation for him, though. As years go by and this world gets more focused on health, more and more people are choosing to not smoke. In another fifteen years when my son is able to answer a question like this, he'll look down on me the way I look down on my mother. Hopefully, I am able to finally kick the habit before he's old enough to remember me ever having smoked.
On the other hand today's child abuse is too much junk food, no chores assigned at home, too much time plopped in front of the tv,dvd,video screens instead of being talked to and worked with, overscheduled lives with both parents pursuing the almighty buck,status etc. instead of working at disciplining themselves and their children.
Parents too often are so afraid of doing the wrong thing that they would much rather do nothing.
Which means kids are and have grown up without learning that there are consequences if you make unwise choices.
In a nutshell that is what is bringing on the current economice crisis of which there is so much talk.
And the public is expecting that the government should remove the consequences of unwise behaviour maybe partly because their parents did. They are not accustomed to facing the consequences of their own bad choices.
Maybe the lesson in this is that swift and sure consequences to bad choices, which is the definition of justice, is a gift not a terrible thing to eliminate.
But yes the swift consequences can be removing the crayon the child colored on the wall with, making the kid brush his teeth if he cussed at you, going to bed early if you were rude to your parents, repairing the thing you damaged or replacing it, doing something kind for the sibling you were just picking on. Creative ways of making kids feel the pressure of bad choices can be very effective.
The problem is too often nothing but distraction and life as usual is employed.
If you think spanking is a bad choice then substitute another consequence. Don't use that for a reason to let your kids do selfish rotten behaviour and look the other way.
Also you story about your swimming nightmare is not an example of dicipline it is an odd method of trying to teach you to swim. It sounds like you have a reason to resent that and to not copy those methods too.
I got spanked as a child, and as a result, I'm not a spoiled, bratty, potty mouth who disrespects authority and talks back to elders. I was put in my place whenever I needed to be.
My sisters however, did not get the same treatment. They turned out to be much more self-centered brats, and even I am ashamed we share the same blood.
As a child, my parents would use corporal punishment to modify my behavior. Back then, I hated it, but now, I look back and am very glad that my parents loved me enough to discipline me that way. It was not something that they did out of anger or revenge, but something that was actually sacrificial on their part because of their concern for my future well being. I really believe that they hated it as much or more than I did! Many of my contemporaries that were raised without corporal punishment are now a bunch of self centered slobs that refuse to take responsibilty for their actions. Children that are raised without this kind of discipline grow up without a fundamental understanding of the reality that there are real consequences for our behavior. This is actually a handicap in the real world where people actually expect you to be accountable for your actions. Its a cruel world out there, and sadly today, most children are not prepared to take it on.
I was only spanked when I was really young other than that they just put me in the corner or in my room or gave me a good talk when I did something bad. when I got older they just grounded me or took away my video games or took away my computer or my phone privlidges.
My parents are all for smacking, even now. They will beat me up if I piss them off enough. It's annoying because it doesn't work as a form of discipline now. I'm too old and stubborn to feel anything but hatred when they hit me.
I daresay they don't care for what is socially acceptable in modern times. Their house, their rules.
There in lies the problems with the youth of today...They are handed too much power with no knowledge.
They are dispespectful and arrogant.
Yes..I am generalizing but I see so many blatantly rude kids that it makes me cringe.
and yes..my age is starting to show
Kids need discipline. They also need to learn how to swim, so I agree with your mom's teaching methods and it looks like you learned something out of it. I'm going to spank my kids when I get older, that's what works. Anyone who calls it child abuse is a dumbass who doesnt know what they're talking about.
i truly believe some punishment is needed
BUY A COSTUME, SAVE A LIFE!
Leaving us unattended in the car while she shopped (criminal offense now); leaving us unattended in the neighborhood for a whole day while we played wherever we wanted (probably not criminal but dissuaded); leaving me alone with a "babysitter" one year older than me, which is how I got the scar on my head from jumping on the bed with the babysitter; letting us ride on the floorboard when there were too many kids in the backseat; letting me walk home alone a mile through the woods during three years of middle school; spanking, of course...the examples are legion. We have more information now. The big question for me is, if you are aware of a risk to your child, but you take the risk anyway, and something tragic happens, how will you feel? Re: spanking, I think you can just use common sense. Don't smack your kid in public. Don't hurt your child. A spanking is one thing; assault is an entirely different thing. The differences are pretty obvious, too.
Are there things your parents did that would no longer be considered acceptable?
Yes. Everything!!!
I think some people today are just too sensitive.
My parents used to beat me for misbehavior, but they are some of the kindest and gentlest people I know [completely unbiased here, everyone thinks so]. I would still enforce physical discipline on my children if it were really necessary, and to some extent I think it always will be. However, some people tend to abuse the word "abuse" nowadays, and use it for anything they, in their gentle and kids-rule-the-world upbringing, disapprove of.
i think this child abuse talk is going too far, what, a slap on the face is child abuse, gimme a break; i’ve heard that some kids actually now try to sue their parents. our society is doomed.
duuude. old school korean style parenting. i got my butt whupped more times than i can count. and i came out just fine. :) all kidding aside, i think a lot of parents are now TOO lax, and that is also "abuse" in an indirect manner. it's abusing the trust of your children to guide and rear them to become good people. i see so many spoiled kids running rough-shod all over shopping malls, with no respect for decency, for elders, for good honest work. basically, don't go to either extremes when parenting. find a good middle ground, and remember: you're not your kids' "best friend". you're their parent. a guide, a teacher, a caretaker.
Let's see... when in a moment of fury, my dad would spank/beat me with whatever he laid his hands on in the nearest restroom. It's not as bad as it sounds though haha I remember I deserved it every single time. My mom would sometimes do that but more often she'd send me kneeling facing a wall with my arms raised to high heaven. It'd be about 3 minutes before my legs started losing feeling but about 30 more til she let me up. The pain in my arms was indescribable. I don't know if that's cause for legal intervention nowadays but it sure felt like it. Good times.
Yes - we were spanked, grounded, had privileges taken away such as watching television and talking on the phone,. What can you take away today? Every kid has a cell phone and tv and computers and x-box etc. etc............ In school we were disciplined and if your parents found out - you were disciplined again at home. If I brought home bad grades - I didn't get a tutor or enrolled in the sylvan learning center etc. - i was told to bring it up or else and I did! And that's the way I reared my children - Glad mine are all grown now - I couldn't handle the haphazard way things are today - I'd probably be in Jail - LOL