by Nurse Jenna
Times have changed. Things that were acceptable a few generations ago, or even when we were kids, are no longer considered kosher parenting. Corporal punishment is a good example. How many kids used to get “the belt,” or at the very least, were sent to their room for an indeterminate length of time (dinner questionable). A “time-out,” in yesteryear was something that happened during gym class or sports, not the child-friendly form of discipline it is today.
Looking back at the way in which my parents did things, they had some sketchy child-rearing tactics. My mom initially did try to teach me to swim using standard methods—swim lessons at the YMCA.
I, however, wanted nothing to do with any of that head-under-the-water game. After I strategically managed to get myself kicked out of swim class, my mom shortly thereafter tricked me into thinking we were going to spend a fun afternoon at the pool where I would flap around in the kiddy pool. No, it was actually baptism by fire… or water. She threw me right into the “big” pool, flip-flops and all.
Her defense to this day is, “Well, you came back up.” I don’t condone her teaching methods, though I guess I have her to thank for my SCUBA certification. Otherwise, I still probably wouldn't be putting my head in the water. Today, however, if you pulled a stunt like that at the pool, you'd end up with your mugshot on the 10 o'clock news.
Many of the things our parents did would be frowned upon in today’s society.
Are there things your parents did that would no longer be considered acceptable?
Comments (94)
@moonlight58@xanga - who were the social workers working on your case?
i've been abused, neglected, etc.
a couple or so times child services poked around, but didn't do anything.
what makes me mad is when i didn't need them they decided to fuck w/me.
i finished 1st semester last yr. w/a 3.6, 2nd semester w/a 2.7, just because they didn't know how to moderate.
the 1 time i didn't need them...unbelievable.
i'm surprised it took you that long to get your kids back though.
my brother's biological father abused me, my brother, & biological mother, & the court forced my brother to be w/his biological father every weekend.
even though my husband and I are 26 we are really old fashioned when it comes to our veiws on things, I';m sure there are things we do now that are not really acceptable but that is the way we were raised and we turned out to be god fearing, good people. However our children respect adults, they know when they can and cannot do something by the simple tone in our voice, they also know if the complain about dinner, they will not get somethign different to eat, they will have to eat what they are given or be hungry, they know that you have to work for what you get and it is better and means more because it was earned. They also know that being a part of a bigger family means you might not always get to do things alone and sharing is important, and you stand up for others when they can't help themselves. Case and point, my 6 year old son stoped playing with his friends to help and older man on our block pick his newspaper up off the front lawn without being asken, when I asked him why he did that he said because he was a nice man and he needed help to pick it up. We don't have a million dollars and probably expect way to much from our kids but they will be stronger people for it.
I was definately spanked as a child, as was my sister. We were taught not to bite by being bitten ourselves when we bit a parent. There were also a fair share of talkings-to by members of the entire family. We were never spanked in a store, but there was always the threat of what would happen if my mom had to take us outside. We turned out just fine. We are both kind, respectful adults with our heads on our shoulders. There was no lasting damage.
Too many kids today take advantage of the kind of parenting climate we are in right now. My neice, at 6, knows that nothing is really going to happen to her if she misbehaves. I, on the other hand, will spank my children if need be. A swat to the behind is not abuse.
Maybe I'm not reading your post right, but I don't think what your mother did is worthy of arrest. Forcing your kid to learn how to not drown is bad parenting? Are parents no longer supposed to live by the "mother knows best, even if you don't like it" idea? From the way I'm getting it, I'm hearing that it was bad for your mother to force you to learn to swim, and bad for your mother to make you do something you didn't want to do. I know I did things as a kid I didn't want, but obviously now I see it was for my own good. There was nothing wrong with her enrolling you in a swimming class. As a trained lifeguard, I think that was a good idea, even if you didn't like it. But since you got kicked out, throwing you in may not have been the best idea... But I'm sure she would've been there to catch you if you hadn't come back up right away. Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with what she did except that you didn't like it when you were little, hahah.
I don't like spanking/corporal punishment, though. I'm an education major and deal with a lot of stuff with children, and I know there are better methods than spanking. Most of my past jobs have worked with children, and I know that's not the same as raising them, but there are better methods. The most unfortunate thing in working with kids is when you know a parent has done bad things to their children - hitting them, teaching them to be aggressive, overly babying them so they don't develop properly, not wanting to take the time to care for them properly... It's disheartening.
I was spanked as a kid, and I plan on spanking my kids whenever I get married and have any. I'm not talking about beating my children out of anger. I'm talking about associating wrong behavior with a little pain so that they will get it. Actions have consequences; I plan on making sure that they learn that. If they are not punished, then how will they know that what they did is wrong? Just saying "no" isn't always enough for a kid who is only 3, but a smack on the butt might get it into their heads.
It irks me when people are worried about damaging the kid's "psyche". Seriously?! We are sinful people, and nothing is more damaging than letting sin run rampant and unchecked.
@happygirl7798@xanga - I agree with you 100%. Punishment should fit the crime, and teaching boundaries and consequences is excellent prep for being a competent contributor to society.
Geez, my parents would be hung out to dry for child abuse in this day and age. I was threatened with the belt, spanked on a regular basis, and spent a whole lot of time being embarrassed about getting yelled at in front of friends. That said, I wholeheartedly agree with spanking--when the child is old enough to understand why they're getting that punishment. I'm not sure how I'll discipline my kids as I don't have any yet, but I don't think my parents were that far off. I turned out all right. I don't suppose I'll scream at my kids like my dad used to do to us because I just remember being terrified and not getting anything out of the experience, but boy did I know when I was doing something that was going to land me a spanking.
I'm for spanking, personally, though nothing harsh or violent. I mean, I was spanked, and it kept me in line. Discipline is essential.
@laytexduckie@xanga - I agree! By being spanked when I was a kid (only if I continued to disobey after being in trouble) I knew what to expect if I disobeyed. I was also grounded... a lot... Either to the backyard or to my room. My parents were clear about the rules. You did your chores when you were told, if the answer was no there was no room to bargain, be home when the street lights turn on, do your home work the moment you get home and no back talking to any adult. If I disobeyed I would get warned, sent to my room and as a last resort spanked.
My parents loved me and my brother. They set clear rules, and if we disobeyed (Like all children will) we would get punished. My husband and I agree there will be clear rules for our children and although we are undecided if we will ever spank. We will talk more about it when we have kids that are old enough for that.
I think it depends on the kid. With some kids, you don't need to go as far as spanking because raising your voice makes them realize that maybe they should stop whatever they're doing. And there's some kids that doesn't work for. Other kids may need to have a time out, or toys taken away, or yes, even spanking. Now i definitely believe that a kid should never be bruised. But a little pop on the bottom won't do them any harm. I don't think a child should EVER be smacked in the face or head. And i don't think they should ever be jerked around either.
I was spanked when i was a child. But a lot of times yelling just worked for me. Like i said, it just depends on the child.
My husband and I were raised by parents with different ideas of punishment. My parents more or less laughed it off (the only time I was ever spanked in my life, was because I broke someone's nose), his parents spanked for just about anything. It really depends on the child, I'm seeing now as I have children.
My younger sister, Lillie, is absolutely sent into a panic attack at the threat of timeout, where my son will sit in timeout and enjoy himself, but will immediately stop in his tracks if I threaten him with a spanking.
I've spanked him a dozen or so times (and by spank, I mean a single smack on the diaper) and now he'll quit what he's doing after I threaten him.
Different children, different methods.
We got spanked as kids, for specific things, and only specific things. Lying and what would probably be called "direct insubordination" in the military. Past that, I think I might've been smacked in the mouth once (and I probably deserved it, I AM kind of a smart ass, and I hadn't learned tact at the age of 12).
It'd most likely be considered "abusive" by at least some people today, but on the other hand...
My parents were shocked when someone discussing the topic assumed they used the buckle end of the belt (they never would have even considered it), and several times punishment was deferred by my mother in favor of my dad dishing it out because she was too angry to do it right. Hardly the hallmarks of child battery, to my mind, just a reasoned, if currently unpopular, approach to punishment.
It's all negative conditioning, really, whether it's 5 swats, 5 hours with no TV, or 5 days with no vehicle access.
I suppose I should mention that grounding me never worked... I was more than able to entertain myself, and my parents just weren't up to taking my books away for the sake of an object lesson.
@alaskamommy@xanga - oh man then count me as inaccpetible too
@Amyld@xanga - Fear and Shame? they should be ashamed of whatever they have done. And fear that if they get caught they will have consequences to follow. Healthy fear hopefully will make them think twice before whatever it is they do. I'm not talking about fear of "my arm will be ripped out of it's socket if I talk back" that is abuse. But fear of "im going to be in trouble and lose privlidges maybe I should think twice". And sometimes kid's are going to choose the consequences because what they want to do is THAT worth it, I think that starts around middle school. All of my coworkers with middle schoolers are scaring me into not having children.
@laytexduckie@xanga - We use "gentle disciple", which does not involve any type of physical punishment or yelling / threats, etc. Basically we talk about what they did, why they did it, why they should not do it again... it works for us. My kids are very well behaved. There is no need to "punish" children to get them to be well behaved.
My parents would smack me, which is now "unacceptable". But that's it really.
Spanking has been shown to lead to higher rates of a sexual "spanking fetish" later on in life. Think of that before you swat.
http://www.canada.com/ottawacitizen/news/story.html?id=88e9ab59-fc84-4c68-94cd-e379d90aea39
I think it downplays what actual physical abuse is to claim that a swat on the bottom is the same thing. I'm sure anyone who has been beat with a baseball bat would laugh at it being equated with a spanking.
I use what works, and I actually think there is nothing wrong with a child feeling ashamed of what he has done...if he has done wrong. He should feel ashamed and embarrassed at his bad behaviour, and hopefully those feelings will curb that behaviour in the future.
My parents were very strict. They did the spanking thing with a wooden paddle. Looking back, I still think it was wrong. I don't think that the good traits I have today are a result of their corporal punishment; however, I can point to some things that I believe to be a result of those punishing practices. They spanked me and my brother up until I was in 8th grade. We would fight and come to blows. My parents had no idea what a "bad" child could be. My brother and I were never in trouble at school and rarely went anywhere but church. "Smart mouthing" became a major event full of tears and hitting. And my parents, Christians, truly believed that they were doing the right thing according to the bible. They mellowed some as we grew up, but I wouldn't wish my childhood on anyone. Certainly there are cases of real abuse, but I believe that my parents' punishments did cause emotional problems for me now.
Verbal abuse. The spankings have me frightened for life though.
@Amyld@xanga - I agree.
I also want to state that I do not think that any uncles should have been spanking or threatening me when I was younger.
I got the "belt" myself, and I guess, in this PC age I suppose that's not that acceptable. I did get "time outs" as well; however, mine consisted of kneeling in the corner holding a couple of Webster's Dictionaries or a few volumes of the World Book Encyclopedia above my head.
I would hope to think that discipline made me a better person.
so i was born right between when spanking was just starting to get the unacceptable label.. so my older sister did it because she was pissed that she got spanked when she was younger and i didn't... -_- i don't think it was any better just made me absolutely hate her growing up and get her in trouble because she was mean.
on another note, my friends and i actually had this conversation before on what was the worst punishment that we all had. my friend gave a great "worst" punishment... it was timeout with your nose to the wall. she said it was terrible because you really didn't have anything to do but stare at the wall. i think that still would be considered
I'll tell you what I told everybody else my entire life. Every belt whipping I got everytime I got sent to my room and every time I got the glare that signified i was in for an ass whipin later I deserved it all and it made me a heck of a better person. To this day I believe and will practice out the method of if a child behaves negatively give them a nice talk to mr.belt.
Spare the rod, spoil the child. Plain and simple. We are currently reaping the results of spared rods in the form of spoiled children who never grew up and are consequently teaching their own children not to grow up. Pretty soon, we're going to have a "Lord of the flies" type society simply because there won't be any grownups left...