by Mama Fox
This is for the SAHM's.
I have been a stay at home mom for 4 1/2 years. Sure it's rough at times. There's times I wish I could drop the kids off at a day care and just play hooky from life. But this is what I want, what I choose to do. I enjoy spending time with my boys. I don't know if I could handle being away from them for so many hours every day 5 days a week.
Early in my pregnancy with my oldest, I told Papa Fox how important staying at home was to me. I wanted at least a year but hoped for longer. He agreed, he wanted me home with our son too. We talked about when our kid(s) were in school full time I would work. Of course I would have rather stay home but having the extra money would be great.
It was rough on Papa Fox but also in the end, any job I could have gotten would have just paid for day care costs so what was the point? He joined the Army when Fox1 was 9 months old. Part of the reason was so I could continue to stay at home without worrying about money. I did apply for a part time job here and there but nothing worked out for them or for me. Day care costs are extreme with multiple kids.
Then when Fox1 was about 2 1/2 I was teaching him the alphabet. It gave me great joy to watch him learn, to be the one to help him do it. I started thinking about homeschooling. I gathered up all my reasons (yes there are a lot of them) and talked to Papa Fox. First thing he said was "I thought you were going to get a job." We were in a tight money spot at the time so that didn't surprise me. We talked for a few months about it and he agreed to try it out. There went my plans for getting a job, at least for as long as I'm homeschooling. I hope to homeschool all my boys completely through school. For the next fifteen, sixteen, seventeen years (It's not uncommon for homeschoolers to graduate high school a year or two early.) I will be helping my children along the path of education.
But what happens after that? When all three kids are (hopefully) out of the house I will be 40 years old. I have no actual job experience, only small "for cash" jobs I had in high school. Honestly, I would be an extremely happy person if I never had to work. If I have to for financial reasons I will. But I would love to do volunteer work, especially with pregnant and parenting teens like what I did in Oklahoma. I think it would be great to do something I really want to do and get paid in enjoyment.
So I guess I plan to stay at home forever if financially possible. Papa Fox works for money, I work for our home. Besides caring for the kids, I run errands, clean, cook, handle finances, I even get handy and fix things from time to time. By being at home, I can devote some time to finding ways to save money. I help our Papa Fox when I can, like this morning fixing his lunch. I may not get paid but I am still working for my family. Even with the kids gone I would have "work" to do, just less. I feel a little guilty about choosing to SAH while my husband is working so hard to support us even though he has no problem doing that. But then I remember that Papa Fox is following his childhood dream of being a police officer. Once he hits the streets, he's going to enjoy his work so much. This is like his volunteer work, only they are paying him for it too.
But of course I haven't seen any of that almost
$117,000 SAHM's supposively earn.
How long do you plan to stay at home? Do you have a set time line or are you just going with the flow?
Comments (44)
I became a SAHM when our daughter was born in 2001.
We now have 3 children. The youngest is 4. I plan to be a SAHM at least until the youngest is 12 or so.
Well, I consider myself a SAHM, but I work from home and am at the office about 10 hours per week - nothing too crazy. I will not work more than this as long as we have kids in the house. I am still undecided about homeschooling and will take it year by year as time comes. I figure by the time my kids are out of the house I'll be having grandchildren, so I'll always be busy!!
I like having the option to work a bit, while still primarily being a SAHM - I do everything you mentioned above, except for totally handle the finances, and I work 20 hours per week, so I'm a little busier than I would like, but it works for now!
Great for you! Your kids are getting the best! And as a mother, that HAS to be fulfilling!
Im a SAHM but I also co-own a daycare with a friend, where I rarely have to go in. But I intend on bein a SAHM until I get my CNA, by then both babies will be older and I wont feel so guilty about leaving them.
I was a stay at home mom for about 12 years, then my husband decided he wanted to live with his girlfriend (who knew he had one?!) I got a job and worked for about 8 years. By then I was remarried and our youngest was going into middle school. I felt like I needed to be home, and I'm so glad we took that step. My husband was totally supportive. About 6 months later, I found out I was pregnant! So I have been home ever since. My little one is now in school and I'm not sure when I'll go back to work. I love being home.
I'm currently a SAHM of one, soon to be two. I love spending all day with my son and teaching him things and watching him learn and grow each day! I couldn't ask for a better job! Sure there are days I want to drop him off at the circus, but we all have days like those. I can't wait to have a whole brood at home to raise and teach and watch grow. I feel bad for my hubby that he has to go to work everyday and miss all the good stuff, but I figure someone's got to do it, so better him than me! Ha ha, J/K! But I do appreciate DH's sacrifice to work hard and bring home the bacon while I get to spend the day with our son. He's a good man, a great dad and a wonderful husband, and he's all mine. Ha ha! Back to the question at hand, I can only assume I'll continue to be a SAHM until our kids are out of the house, or at least all of them in High school. I want to be active in our kids schools as they grow up. I'll be the room mother and do PTA and booster club. My kids will eventually tell me to butt out, and I might at that point, but until then, I'm going to be as active in their lives as possible. And that typically means being a SAHM.
I plan to be stay-at-home forever like you, though even now I am working on working from home. Right now I'm a SAHM and I'm working on starting my career as an artist. I'd love to get to the point where I am getting regular commissions, but right now I'm just doing art for contests and to expand my portfolio. But right now we are just living off my husbands income, I try to find ways to save money, and budget. I also plan to home school my daughter starting next year, for pre-K. So I also have plenty of work to do :)
I'm a SAHM for 2 1/2 years but I don't think I want to be SAHM for that long. I want to be able to work again since I'm young I want to expand my career goals and help around financially.
I am supportive of SAHMs ( and actually dads too because my brother-in-law is a full-time SAHD) because I think raising children who are not in school IS a full time job. I am very curious though about the education level of SAHMs who have no desire to ever go back to work (or who have never worked). Have you ever been exposed to a fulfilling career, or the educational opportunities that can than lead to one? I respect choices when they are genuine choices but I do not think choices are true choices if you have never known the other side, so to speak. Then there becomes the false pretense that women are chosing their children over a career when a career was never actually in the picture. I buy entirely into the arguement that a life without children is not complete and fulfilling and is something amazing to be experienced and cherished. But I likewise believe that about independent, intellectual pursuits that I think women miss out on when they focus entirely on their children, especially from an early age. Again, this is not to say everyone had this chance, but if given given the opportunity to pursue something for themselves, I think women set a good example for their children for what they can achieve, not to mention bringing many interests and activities into the household for their children to learn from.
I am hoping to only stay home till next year and then get a part time job. I love my son, but I need to find things to do. I do know that I can work with my church, but it isn't a paid position. I want something that I can get paid for, but be able to have a flexible schedule, any extra money I can make would be nice!
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Wow, you all are very lucky. I however HAVE to work. As soon as I am able to go back to work I am. I am almost 6 months pregnant and working at an assisted living facility and I probably will work up to my due date. My mom was a SAHM until the youngest out of 7 was in elementary school. But she only works 3 days a week. Lucky her. I can't imagine homeschooling my child though. I would like my child to develop their own opinions and thoughts on subjects then what I believe. But its not like I could homeschool her anyway.
Kudos to you all though.
Daycare here is so expensive that having a job is not worth it. Not that I am complaining because the idea of trying to balance work, school, and an infant seems impossible and I admire anyone who has managed that. Once I get my degree I will probably stop staying at home. I enjoy working outside of the house and the academic challenges that will come with my career...then again staying in sweatpants and a t-shirt until I have to go out is pretty nice too!
I'm planning to stay at home with my son for the first two years of his life. And I do have a set time line. I really want to continue pursuing my degree, so I'll be taking online classes during this time. After those 2 years, I'll be going to class full-time and then I have plans of medical school after that.
I'm glad I get the chance to be a stay-at-home mom, but I also have dreams of becoming a doctor, so I want to get that into my life too.
my mom stayed at home full time until last fall when i was 17. She now works part time and is able to be home when my 14 year old brother gets out of school every day.
we are just going with the flow...my husband and i talked about me getting a job once both of the kids are in school. but thats a good 4 1/2 years off. lol. daycare is too expensive, espcecially in this area.
I think we're going for at least 3 years, but just going with the flow. If I didn't have to work, I've love to just do volunteer work. Well, you can always take care of the grandkids. hehe
I don't know what I will do. We both know I want to stay at home when we have kids. My husband's job pays well, but is unreliable, as it is contract work. It will never get me or my children health insurance, which is really important. I know you can get private insurance, but that it's much more expensive.
I'm not a fan of homeschooling (no offense to those who do! I completely understand your reasoning) so I would return once all children are in school. But that's a long time to only have one unreliable source of income, without insurance, even if I only have one child.
If anybody has any suggestions, or knows more about this than I do, let me know!
It's really hard for me to wrap my head around "stay at home moms/dads" in this day and age... Doesn't anybody feel guilty for NOT going to work?
And I have no children. I have dogs. They require just as much effort.... Yet I work 2 jobs, go to school full time and am on 2 sports teams. I was home for the jewish holidays for 2 days straight and I almost lost my mind. I just wonder doesnt anybody get bored? Dont you want to be selfish and do something for YOU and not necessarily for your children or husband? I suppose Im not in the position to say.
Dont worry, I wasnt purposely trying to offend anybody.
@NurseJenna - WOW! The truth comes out. Nurse Jenna thinks SAHM = uneducated! Just because we choose to be a SAHM does not mean that we let our brains go to mush! And raising kids can be an extremely fullfilling job. While not for everyone, it does not make those of us who make that choice any less than those who choose to work outside the home. You can be a SAHM and still keep your mind sharp...actually I would recommend it. You don't have to be going for a degree to take a class you might be interested in. As for not having the 'choice' because we haven't seen the other side....I have never had a desire to see the other side but that doesn't make my choice any less of a choice. My sister has gone to school for multiple things now and found no satisfaction. She finally said, 'I don't really want to do any of this. I just want to be a mommy!' Nothing wrong with that.Â
I plan on being a SAHM as long as possible and my husband fully supports (and prefers) that decision.Â
@sweetestrevelation@xanga - Sorry, but having dogs does not equate to having children. I do things for myself also, I have nights out with friends and stuff like that. But the work I do for my home is just as important as bringing home a paycheck - no value can be put on having a parent at home. Why would I feel guitly about doing something that is so good for our family as a whole? And it is pretty near impossible to get bored with 3 boys running around the house and all the things that come with that. :) I wish I could be bored for a little bit!!
@NurseJenna - oh please. because a mother chooses to stay at home she is missing out on seeing the joys of working a 'real' career? i'm in college, and i'm pursuing an accounting degree. i fully plan on being part of the business workforce. my true career goal, however, is to be a mother and a wife. i have met a man who agrees with me that he wants his wife to stay at home with the children. and our plan is for me to work and save money until we have children, as he is getting a masters degree and possibly a second bachelors and will be able to provide for us. i haven't even fully been down either path and i know my choice. i don't think it is at all fair to say that mothers may not be making a true 'descision' because they don't know working in a career.
I don't think that's what Nurse Jenna said. I think she said that there is a difference between choosing to be a SAHM, and becoming one by default.
SAHM's are often lucky to have the choice- my mother was one for 14 years, before economic pressure forced her into the career world, and basically saw it as an opportunity to be the best parent she could be and to help my dad, who managed a family business.
However, when she became the breadwinner, she was surprised to learn that while she loved raising her children as a full-time SAHM, she had also really missed out on the camaraderie and sense of shared purpose that comes from being a member of a community of working adults, and for that matter there was validation in knowing that she could bring home a living wage and excel in a corporate environment- something she'd never had a chance to test herself at before a bad economy led her to reverse roles with my SAHD (yeah, with 5 of us, there were times my parents paid for daycare or housekeeping help even without a 2nd income involved).
She literally got her first job as an adult in her early 30's. Had she not married right out of high school, and jumped into supporting my dad's work (who was self-employed) instead of trying out a career of her own, she might have decided to be a SAHM and simply missed the benefits but made a willing sacrifice for the good of the family.
Or, she might have found the quality of life benefits exceeded the cost of giving them all up and found some sort of compromise (day care or an au pair, part time degree work leading to a career after we were a little older, part-time employment, being more involved with dad's store but in a work from home capacity) to experience the best of both worlds.
But I think lots of parents who lose their employment discover joys in being home with their kids that they scarcely imagined they were missing in those hours at the office (after all, they see those kids every night from dinner to bedtime), and lots of full-time parents eventually end up working and discovering the benefits of a career often go beyond the paycheck that initially motivated them to pursue it.
What Nurse Jenna said was that some SAHM's (and I don't think it was implied Mama Fox is one of them, since she wrote her whole post on this subject) may find themselves there for the same reason some people find themselves in traditional jobs that don't inspire them much- it was the path of least resistance.
But few admit that.
(Even fewer, I suspect, than those who admit they made the choice to stay at home because it was easier than facing life at the office every day, plus those who admit they go to work because there kids would drive them nuts if they had to spend all day with them at home, combined).
I've have been a Stay-at-home-Mom since November 1997, I have 2 children my daughter is 25 and my son is 10. Being a Stay-At-Home-Mom for the past 11yrs. has been a asset for my children and I would not trade it for anything.
P.S. By the way I chose to quit my Job in my 3rd month of pregnancy with my son and became a Stay-at-home-mom, I've always felt that no one could take care of my childen like I could. I will stay at home until the kids leave home unless I get bored! LOL