I've used time outs from time to time just to stop the action, separate the kids and get my thoughts collected. But for a main discipline, no I use it or think it works. Isolating and withdrawing from a child that really just needs some love and help wouldn't do much good would it?

I do "time in"s, which is pretty much the opposite. We gather on the couch to calm down, talk about what happened and see if they can come up with a solution. A lot of times, whatever they are doing is just crying out for attention. I notice that when I'm being distracted with something else they are more likely to basically explode.  I couldn't imagine completely cutting them off from the family and from love just because they broke a rule. What does that teach? Don't get caught next time? She doesn't really love me?

Time outs do have their place but don't abuse it. Maybe having a "cooling off" corner, where they can go either by suggestion or on their own when things are getting out of hand just to regroup their feelings. But it hurts my heart to think of kids being told "Bad! Now go sit over there, no playing no noise until I decide it's time for you to get up." I feel there's better ways of handling disciple issues.

I have those exact rugs!  I think time out or a cooling off corner is excellent. Honestly I wish someone would send me to the rug to think about what I am feeling and to come up with a better solution for my behavior sometimes, I think when it's used as a time to stop the behavior and to communicate with your child what it is you are seeing about their behavior that isn't positive or constructive it can work well. Kids shouldn't be ignored or left there for a long time. It should be used with kindness and firmness and for instructing.

I use time-out.  I have my son sit in a specific chair for 3 minutes (he's 3 years old).  If he refuses to sit down we add another minute.  And then after his time is up we sit down and have a chat about why he had to sit out.  It seems to work for the most part.  It keeps me more calm, I think, which is good.

our version of time out is that if he is acting up, i tell him that he needs to take a deep breath and calm down. if he is able to do this, we sit down together and discuss why he was misbehaving. if he can't calm himself down, i tell him, "we can't allow our emotions to control us." and tell him that i think he needs some time alone to cool off and get back in control.

he usually cries, but goes willingly to his room and sits on his bed with the door open until he is ready to come out (this is a freewill time out). when he comes out i always give him a hug and tell him that i love him. i ask him if he feels better, and he says yes and asks if he can play now. after that, he seems to react more calmly to frustrations.

for the times when he is being rebellious, i make him go to his room for three minutes (he turned 3 in May) and sit on his bed with the door open. he is usually crying and screaming. after the 3 minute mark, i go into his room and sit on his bed with him and ask him if he is ready to talk calmly to me. if he is, we resolve it then and there and he is allowed to resume his regular activity. if he says no, i tell him that he can come out when he is calm and leave the room.

i always stay nearby so i can hear him so that i can decide if the timeout is being effective or counter-effective. whenever i have noticed the latter, i have immediately gone to him, given him a huge hug and wispered reassuring things to him until he is calm and then ask him "what happened?" and we talk about it.

in all cases i make sure he knows WHY he is being disciplined, and that I STILL LOVE HIM! i'll tell him, "i don't like the way you acted, but i will always love you."

that method usually works for me, but with kids, you can't have a panacea type of discipline. you have to be willing to go with the flow and invent new ways to teach children boundaries.

you also have to discern if they are acting out for attention. if that is the case, most kids will settle even for negative attention. the best way i have found to handle that is to tell him that him acting out doesn't make me want to be around him and that if he wants my attention, all he has to do is ask. if i tell him i am busy at the moment, i make sure to make one minute of time for him in between every 3-5 minutes of busy-ness if i can.

most of the time it is pretty simple to take 60 seconds away from paying bills or cleaning house or whatever to acknowledge his presence and blow him a kiss or sing a song with him or something to let him know i haven't forgotten about him. if i am on the phone on an important call, i will make silly faces at him whenever there is a break in the conversation. kids just need to be constantly reassured of your love.

best of luck with your little ones,
Jennifer

"Time out" is really only effective if there's a stick behind it.  Dad used to ground and restrict my brother and me when we were growing up, but those were effective because we knew that Dad could punish more harshly...and that came from him having to use the rod (or, in my Dad's case, belt) of correction when were were younger.

Time out only works if there is a stick behind it, and the young ones know that there is much worse waiting if they continue to disobey...

I found it to be very effective when babysitting my cousin's two hellions. However, I did have to be firm in what was expected of them while they were in time-out; i.e. you are to stay there until the timer goes off, no playing, no kicking the wall, no noise...and be consistant and completely stoic when placing them back in their chairs if they did move. (If they sense they're getting a rise out of you, they will continue to press your buttons for the attention...that's something I'm still trying to teach my mother, their primary caretaker.) Keeping the time as short as possible (one minute for each year seems to be a good rule of thumb/whatever one goes by) and then talking to them about what went wrong when all parties involved had a few minutes to collect themselves. If they didn't know what went wrong, I'd ask, "Do you think maybe you just wanted some attention?" The younger brother was good for shrugging and the older brother would sometimes say yes, or shrug, too. "Then what would have been a better way to go about it? Maybe politely asking if we had time to play X-board game? Or asking us nicely to come color with you?" They did grasp the concept and still listen better when I'm around than when I'm not, the problem (and the reason why I avoid them like the plague most days) is that my mom and my cousin are not consistant with them and they continue to basically do as they please when my mom or cousin are around because they know they can and mom won't do anything about it. It gives me a migraine to be around them and mom at the same time. I plan on using it with Megan when the situation calls for it.

However, different things work better for different people and their kids and I don't think that 'time out' is the only way to manage your child or children. I also know that you don't have to put the fear of abuse into them in order for time outs to work, you merely have to be consistant and let them know that if they get up, they're going straight back and the timer will start over again.

Time out followed by discussion most the times but some times, a swat on the butt is what it takes, especially when out in public.  Try sending your kid to time out in the middle of the grocery store.

My son is only 17 months old, so I haven't had to use any of these methods. He's had the occasional temper tantrum, and I've just sat beside him until he had cried it out. That seemed to work.

I think in the future, I'll use the "calm yourself down, then we can talk about what happened" kind of time out. I don't think spanking is a good idea - I just don't believe in corporal punishment, because it teaches the child that problems can be resolved with (a type of) violence. What kind of message is that to send to your child?

I think in general, corporal punishment is just a way for the parent to let out their frustration, and to me, that's not ok. If the child gets frustrated, does it get to spank someone else? I don't think so...

@JandJinJapan@xanga - Just because time out only worked that way for your family doesn't mean that would be the same for everyone. Lots of families (including mine growing up) use time-outs and/or other forms of discipline that don't involve hitting and that works perfectly well for them.

I raised two boys one is now 25yrs old, the other is 14 yrs old. With the eldest my now ex-husband used the spanking method and lost control. Eventually leading towards the abuse when disciplining my eldest son. So by the time our second child was born I made it a definite rule in the home and outside of the home that the discipline method would be time outs and discussions. Timeouts for my second child were given in the same room where I was at he would be sat in a chair for a minute per year so if he were 3 years old he would be sat down for 3 minutes. If he didn't sit quietly I would add another minute or take away a video time for the afternoon. As he got older I would continue the timeouts, when he outgrew the time out chair discipline if he got 'out of control' or frustrated angry and unruly, I would send him to his room until he could calm himself down when he felt he was calm enough to talk with me about what had him feeling that way he could and would come down to speak with me. This is how he and I still handle those moments. Except, I no longer have to send him to his room.He goes willingly and doesn't  normally need more than 10-14 minutes of time alone to do so. Sometimes he just takes a short nap. But if he starts punching walls I immediately go up to his room have him sit on his bed and let him know how counter productive that is and how little that action is going to help the situation. We then discuss whatever is bothering him and he calms down with much better ease.
When I ran a small daycare the timeout chair was the only discipline allowed by the licensing board and it was to be 1 minute per year of age of child. I believe in it.
  I do not believe in spanking. Because I do believe it only teaches a child fear, hurt, anger, resentment, and pain, not discipline. I also know, I have had to live many years regretting not being able to stop what happened to my eldest son at the hands of his dad. The belt, the paddle, the mighty hand. I have felt like a monster for not being able to stop that from having happened. And yes, in my childhood I received a spanking from my Dad once, and a slap open handed from my mother to my face once. I didn't turn out so bad.