From the child's perspective, it doesn't matter how horrible she is... she is still "mommy" - the #1 most important person to this child.   If he continues to live with you and feels this way, not only could it do harm to your family, it could cause irreversible harm to him.  It may not be the popular opinion, but I would let the child live with his mother.

i can give the child's side. Because I left my house and went to go and live with my father... (problems with step dad)

So I left my house and went to live at my fathers. While I was there I had to take care of myself in a much broader way. I had to find a ride back home from school, bothering other family members because my dad work through out the whole day getting home at around 4 ish and leaving at 6 to go teach his night class and he wouldnt get home unti I was asleep. This laster for about one month and a half. Ig ot fed up with it and had to move back in with my mom. And it did change a bit, not a lot, but I don't want to go and live with him anymore becuase I know that I'll always be alone and have to be taking care of him aswell.

How old is he one?

I have two stepsons, who in the beginning BOTH wanted to live with my husband and I..  Their mom, is HONESTLY not the nicest person. Shes the type that yells/screams/cusses at her kids, but at the same time, lets them basically do what they want, and run the neighborhood etc.. THe oldest, moved right in with us as soon as he was old enough to legally make that choice...About 3 years later, the youngest decided to move in. HOWEVER. He quickly learned that the lessons you learn will be painful, Not, physical, or screamed at you. And that he was expected to do homework, and expected to act respectful as a person. As well as SUPRISE!!! CHORES!!!

Needless to say, The oldest still lives with us, and the youngest moved back in with his mom about 5 months after moving in with us.

I dont know how old your children are, but, You know better than he does, im sure, of the seriousness of your opinion on her being unable to provide the right care. I would never stop my children from seeing their other parent, unless I truely felt it would be harmful. That being said, I think its important for him to know that hes allowed to live where he will be happiest...But that he CANT bounce back and forth every time he decides he doesnt like that he has to do a certain chore, or hes grounded for bad grades. Its a decision he needs to think about, and think hard. Depending on how YOUNG he is, Maybe hes able to make this decision?

<3Ashley

I say let him try it out for a while, assuming this is okay with his mom.  I personally never wanted to live with my dad over my mom, not for any particular reason but I guess I was just fine with my living situation.  My brother did, at one point, go live with our dad and he did really well for the short time he was there.  After about a year he came back to live with our mom, not of his own choice, but that's how things worked out.  Looking back, he wishes he had been able to stay with our dad--I guess the individualized attention and the school he went to and all really worked well for him.

I guess it depends on the child.  Neither one of my parents really had rules for me.  My Dad ignored me.  My Mother favored my siblings, as I look like my Father, and regardless of whether people are aware, you feel a difference and act upon it (perhaps this is what piglet is picking up on), yet I prefer my Mother, I think, simply because she is my Mother.  I don't understand, but it is the way I feel.  I am not close to either and would have probably faired better if placed with my grandparents, though I would have turned out even weirder than wild.  Hmm. 

My son, who was the youngest, never really expressed to me that he wanted to go live with his dad, but I believe he did say something to his sisters.  They were older and were able to give him a reality check on how things would really be if he did.  The problem for me was, I knew if he asked his father would find a way to say no.  And then he would really be upset.  One time he was telling how much he missed his father.  His father was supposed to visit them twice a week for a couple of hours in the evening and every other weekend.  He only came for about an hour once a week and then did the every other weekend thing.  I told him I understood and maybe he should say something to his dad and ask him to come on another night.  (I thought he would say yes because he was a real stickler for following our contract).  He told him no.  He was busy every other night of the week.  My son was heart broken. 

So, that being said, my advice is for your husband to talk to the mom first.  See if something could be worked out.  If she says no, then you would be sparing your son's feelings a little bit.  How old is he?  That makes a difference too, I think.  Also, another idea, if you have someone close to him, a pastor or sunday school teacher or an aunt or uncle, that he could talk to.  Express how he is feeling, and that person could explain to him why certain things are the way they are.  I'm saying another person who cares about him but is somewhat removed, so your son doesn't think you are just saying things because you "hate" his mom or something like that.  My son used to come home from his dad's and be just a bear for a couple of days.  I always just let him know that I wasn't going to tolerate disrespect, and he would reign himself in.

Anyway, saying a prayer for you guys.  This is tough.  Your husband really needs to be handling most of this though.  Your son may be still hoping his mom and dad will get back together.  My kids did that for a very long time.  He may be angry because he knows that that isn't going to happen.  Divorce is so lousy for the kids!  No matter how everyone tries to make it all "OK", it's just not for them.  I was the product of a divorce and got a divorce myself so I know it from both sides.  It just plain sucks!  All you can do is the best you can do!
Prayers
Karen

speaking from experience - deal with the subject in a very different way

I was in this situation when I was in the 7th grade, though my mother's wasn't a "free for all". My dad had custody of me and I did not get along with my step mother and a huge rift developed between my father and I. Eventually, I moved in with my mother and became a completely different person. I was much more happier and well adjusted. My father and step mother tried to get me to move back in with them, but I was finally happy and decided that staying with my mom would be best. After that happened, my dad cut me out of his life. 

My parents divorced when I was very young, I idealized my father because he was never around and begged to go live with him.  It took me about 7 years living just with my mom to realize he was never coming back, but it was a long and painful lesson to learn.  I would suggest hubby have a talk with the ex and see if they can work something out before talking about it with Piglet4.  A couple of months with his mom won't kill him (we hope) and it could potentially teach him how good he has it that his dad and step mom care enough about him to set limits and standards.  Keep on keeping on!!

I tried this ten years ago, when I was the same age as Piglet4, because Dad was the "fun" house while mom kept order.

My dad is a military man but irresponsible when it comes to details (aka children). I rarely relied upon him (or my elderly grandparents who live with him) for pickup/dropoff at school, band, or theater events, not to mention the question of meals. I was given an allowance for lunch and dinner, something I never experienced with my mom who packed lunches and cooked breakfast and dinner every day. I stayed for 1 semester before telling him I would move back in with mom&stepdad.

If Piglet4 wants to try living with mom, let him go, but let him know that he has 1 'undo' option. If he decides to come back, brace for a lot of tension. Other sibling Piglets may express a variety of emotions (anger, curiousity, jealousy) that become permanent if you don't sit and talk through them as a family. Eventually life will settle back into routine and Piglet4 will (hopefully) have a different appreciation of life.

-been there, done that

I am on the other end of it. I feel so bad for my stepsons mom. My husband and I have talked with her and with the youngest about living with us. My husband is totally for it, I am a little nervous about it because we have the "fun" house and I am afraid that we are going to go back and forth on it. And honestly I don't have kids of my own so this whole parenting thing is still kind of new to me. We are VERY involved in his life. I know that she loves him very much and I don't want to see her lose him. I don't think that she is a great mom, but I still don't want to see her lose her son. He comments all the time how much we help him with his homework and how he loves it that we ask what he learned in school. I just wish she would be more involved in his live and less involved with hers. She is going to lose him and I can't do anything about it. I would talk to her about it but she won't talk to me. Besides, who wants to hear something like that come out of someone you hates mouth? So I keep out of it.