Monday, 22 September 2008
by Mama Pig
You created these children with my husband prior to you realizing that being a mother and wife were not things you were overly interested in. Your loss was my gain and for that I thank you.
You know as well as I do that I have been the mother figure for these children for almost seven years. You've spent the first six of those years pretending you were a great mom when the holidays rolled around, or when Piglet3 earned another award at school.
When we heard you had a new man in your life, one that had children of his own no less, we hoped that we would see you take a more active role in the children's lives. Sadly, it remains much the same. Infrequent visits with many empty promises of more. I wish you could see the looks on their faces when you once again decide better things came along and you can't make it. I think you would be shocked at the indifference.
There was a time that a missed visit involved many tears and questions of why. These days it is pretty much just assumed you will back out, and they have stopped even bothering to pack. However, they still love you. They still crave your attention. They would still do or say just about anything to get you to look their way.
I have a vivid memory of hubby and I dropping them off at your home a few years ago. Piglet4 came running up to you trying to give you a picture he had worked on just for "mommy". He was so excited that he held it in his hand for the hour and a half drive just waiting until he saw you. He knew you would be so proud of how well he had drawn. If only you had paid attention. He ran right up to you; it had been three months since you had seen them; you brushed right past him without so much as slowing down and came to yell at my hubby about why it had taken us so long to get there. You didn't see the look on Piglet4's face, but I did. The hurt that washed over his face is not something I will forget. I hope you finally got the picture, he worked very hard on it.
I wish that you could realize that talking badly about me puts them in an awkward situation. They have come to care for me and having Mommy talk harshly places them in the position of having to take a side. That is unfair to them and puts our relationship in a difficult stance. I have never spoken harshly of you, even though you have given me many reasons to do so. I always make excuses as to why you couldn't come, why you didn't take them to Sea World, why you didn't call. Basically, I lie to them in order to protect them.
When you speak of me, please keep your real feelings to yourself. These are children that do not need to know your views about their step mother. As much as I would love to tell them that the only reason we have them is because their mom was too busy being the party girl to raise them, I always go with the "mom just needed time to get her life together so that she could be the best mom she could be."
I am not perfect. I have had a difficult time adjusting to my role. I sometimes say the wrong things, but I am always here for these children. They know that when they wake in the morning they will find me here. They know that when they go to sleep at night that the only people in the home are family members, and sometimes a friend of one of their brothers or sisters that is sleeping over. They will not be moved out of their beds for strangers. There will be food in the pantry always. Someone will always be there to pick them up from school. All things that they were unsure of that year they lived alone with you.
Wake up before it is too late. I would be more than willing to work with you in scheduling more time with them, but you have to be willing to be their mother in more than name only. Piglet3 is already pretty much gone. He loves you because you are his mother, but if he never had to visit you, I don't think he would feel cheated.Do you have any step children? If so, have you had any difficulties relating to or getting along with their biological mother or father?