Monday, 15 September 2008
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Dealing with Postpartum Depression or Baby Blues
by Nurse Jenna
Postpartum depression is often the elephant in the house after a baby is born--everyone knows it is there and no one wants to say anything. There is often shame and embarrassment because a mother feels guilty wondering what kind of mother could possibly be depressed during what should be such a happy time of her life. She often thinks it will go away “any day,” or wonders if it is really serious enough to seek the help she should. There often also is the secret hope her husband will pick up on how she is feeling and perhaps resentment that he doesn’t.
These feelings are not particularly uncommon--50-85% of women experience baby blues and more than 10% develop clinical postpartum depression. However, I think when combing through the information on-line regarding postpartum emotions and conditions, women need to remember this: If at any point you are unable to take care of yourself or your baby, you need to seek medical help and a support network. This does not mean something is irrevocably wrong with you, or that you are a bad mother. It means that you are a good mother and doing what is best for your baby and your family. You will find there are many people like yourself out there who are, or who have gone through the same thing you are.Did you go through unexpected mixed emotions after having a baby and did you need seek out support to deal with them? What advice do you have for women experiencing baby blues or postpartum depression?
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Comments (19)
depression can be a hard thing for people to deal with especially their families..
yes that was me, with my first 10 years ago. I couldn't handle being alone with him. I was tired, of course and I was cranky and I didn't want to be with the child I had wanted. I did what I was supposed to but I was a robot. I fortunately had a good support network of family and friends who took turns staying with me until my meds and therapy began to help. Still it was hard....a mom syhouldn't feel like that but it happens. I accept that now. It has taken 10 years but I finally have my emotions under control. I have found the right combo of meds and I love my life and my 4 kids....
Yes, I struggled with that. It took me a month to finally feel that "connection" to my daughter. There were a lot of things that I think were a part of it, but I definitely had PPD. Thankfully, through seeing a therapist and taking anti-depressants, I got through it just fine.
There were mixed emotions, and it is hard taking care of a newborn. I think having a support system who knew how much help was enough was fantastic. I don't think it was so much the baby, but the pressures of doing the right thing for my baby, and frustration on my part when I couldn't do anything for that stuffy nose or stop the baby from crying so that Hubby could get sleep for work the next day, etc.
My first two babies I was totally fine. Even euphoric after their births. But as soon as I got unexpectedly pregnant with #3 I fell apart. I was furiously angry; I cried for hours. I finally thought I was going to be ok and started to get excited about her coming. Her delivery went great. Mom was there to help. But this time my mom couldn't stay as long as usual. Before my baby was even a week old I was on my own with three baby's UNDER 3!! and I just collapsed. I cried again for hours. And I had such mixed emotions. At one moment I was feeling massively guilty for not wanting this amazingly perfect baby! She never cried and would sleep through the night almost immediately, yet I was totally exhausted and overwhelmed. I struggled for months. Finally the suicidal thoughts came. I confessed them to my doctor and she was immediately concerned. I went on meds immediately and felt 10x better within a month. I've never had another problem with my other two babies although the pregnancy emotions still got so bad I've had to be medicated for that.
At this point I don't really think it's safe for me to get pregnant again. I hated the meds but it was so much better than feeling so totally NOT myself! Asking for help is the best thing I ever did. Everytime I hear anybody mention Angela Yates my insides turn to jello.... I'm so glad I didn't let it get that bad!!!!!!!!!
My best advice is that if you feel at all bad, TELL SOMEONE! My older child and I are lucky we are alive. My PPD started when Patrick was only 2 days old. I remember sitting in the hospital in the middle of the night wondering whether or not anyone would know I had done anything on purpose if I threw him on the floor. I knew enough to know that this wasn't normal but I still didn't tell anyone. It was all complicated by the rough pregnancy and P coming 6 weeks early - my brain wasn't working well by then. By the time things got really, really bad I was afraid to say anything lest they try to take away my son.
Later, my DH was travelling a lot (he missed most of P's first year) and things just got worse. I won't go into details but it was horrifying. One evening, I was pretty sure that P and I would not live to morning and my daycare provider had the good sense to not to send him home with me - she kept him overnight so I could rest. That one night of sleep saved us both but things still took a long time to settle down. PPD did pass eventually and with my second son, I had no problems at all.
I still have bad feelings over all I put P through back then. He has no damage and I have only the emotional guilt left but it was not something I will ever forgive myself for. If you feel at all odd after having your baby, you must talk to someone who knows enough to help. Even if you think it's nothing, I encourage all women to avoid the risk. What is at stake isn't worth it.
I had depression really bad growing up and so I was really worried that I would get it again after my son was born. I was lucky I didn't. I did get the blues but I had a great support system. My family is amazing and my mom made sure to talk to me about how I was feeling and making sure I was not getting depressed. I was also already getting some professional help. I think that all mothers need to have someone that they can talk to no matter what and don't be afraid to get help.
yup = am there right now. had some ppd with my first, combined with some serious SAD as well (seasonal affective disorder - horribly long, dark cold winter in germany). it was miserable but i didn't even realize it was ppd.... I had major insomnia and eating issues (no appetite) and so on. But they were mainly physical issues and not so much emotional. with number two (now 7 months old) I think i went through some pre-birth depression as I had TERRIBLE insomnia the entire 9 months. I have been fine with number two.... or so I thought... until about a month ago and then all hell broke out emotionally. its been rough. i have felt like a total different person. people that don't even know me are checking on me and asking why I am so stressed. my tolerance and patience level with my 2 year old is next to ZERO. same with hubby. :) finally realized what all this was and where it was coming from and I have just talked to my doc this past week and gotten some medication. very thankful I don't have to live like this.
my doc first recommended vitamin therapy. I generally lean towards this and on many occasions would have opted for this. But I told my doc, "You know, I would like to get on a B complex vitamin. I would like to start exercising more and I plan to do that. But I need relief NOW. I will take the vitamins as well and try to build them up in my system, as well as other natural things that could help fight ppd issues so that when I want to come off the drugs (sooner rather than later) then I will have something in place in my life to address these issues."
and that is where I am. I know I can get healthier and more equipped to deal with this.... but I need help just to cope right now. and so i am on the meds (short term) to help me get to a place to be able to work on the other things, which are more long term.
I think this is a very under-diagnosed condition. The advice I have is that people need to get out in front of this. If you are pregnant, begin talking to a therapist. They can prepare you for possible PPD - and given how common it is, it seems like important pre-natal care to me!
I was bawling for a month after BabyM was born. BabyDaddy came home from work and Baby & I were hysterical. I called upon other mommies and talked it out. That worked for me cause a few of us were going thru the same thing.
Oh yes. We didn't know anything about it with my first. He was six to eight months old and I was still struggling, but coming out of it.It was then that my husband came home from medical school one day and told me, "Babe, I think I know what is wrong with you." We talked about it and felt reassured that nothing was wrong. (there was a problem but I wasn't going crazy. kwim?) We knew what to look for with our second and it was dealt with. Our third was a different story. My husband was on an away study program when our third was born. I was alone for three and a half months with a three year old, and 18mth old and a newborn. My mil had been in the delivery room and pushed me into meds with it. It had been a nightmare followed by her and sil, who wasn't supposed to be there, making fun of me for how the meds reacted. They pushed a paci on the baby, who I was already having problems getting to nurse properly. He had such a small mouth and it was hell all around. They finally left and I felt so relieved. But then the PPD kept kicking in. I was so alone. With three little ones. My parents were in a different state four hours away. My husband was over 12hrs away. My doc started me on one med, but I was still drowining. I felt like I couldn't see the top.
I called my parents. I told them I was scared and didn't think I could make the drive on my own. They drove up that friday and helped me make the drive to their house. I was still feeling alone, but at least I had help. Then one night, it got scary bad. I screamed for them to come into the room and take the baby away from me. They came in and held me. They prayed for me and just let me cry. They told me to just hold him. They reminded me what a precious gift he was, and what a gift that I was to them. They helped me push past the depression enough to relax to go back to sleep, sitting with me until I fell asleep. The next morning they called hubby and had me make an emergency appointment with my doctor, followed by hubby calling the doc. They helped me drive back and my mom stayed getting more meds. I then spent most of the next three months with them.
Hubby came back as soon as his semester was over and his exams taken. We talked a lot. Thankfully he understood. The hardest part was saying out loud how bad things had been and how it was hard to keep dealing with it. But he was there with me. We had talked everynight on the phone, but him being there face to face was an amazing help.
Thankfully things weren't as bad this time around. It was still rough, but I truly believe that him not being there was a major part of how hard it had been last time. He is my main support person, my rock. We decided that we would NOT go through him not being there again. Even though at the time we had no choice, we will do everything in our power to keep it from happening again.
I had PPD as well. I hated being alone and I hated myself for all the conflicting feelings that I had. I probably cried for a month. I am so lucky that I had a really good support system. If I had to do it again, I would talk to my doctor sooner and be more honest about my history of depression. I would get on medications before the birth of my child so that I won't experience the feelings I went through.
I had PPD with my first. She had reflux though, so she was a very difficult baby, and I wasn't sure if I was really depressed or just exhausted. When I was trying to get her diagnosed with reflux (a friend who had reflux babies told me my baby definitely had it), the doctor wanted to diagnose me with depression, but I brushed it off. But then the reflux got much better after 5 or 6 months, and the feelings didn't go away. Finally, when my daughter was 18 months old, I got help. I felt normal for about 2 months, and then I got pregnant again and fell right into depression again, only I couldn't take my herbal meds anymore. It was awful, I had thoughts of harming myself and my daughter, and I had no motivation to do anything (my house was always trashed). I felt like such a failure as a mother, and wondered how I'd survive with two. But then, when my son was born, I almost felt the depression lift, and it hasn't been back. It's so weird. When my daughter was born I was always second-guessing whether I was really depressed or not, but now I know I definitely was. It is SO MUCH EASIER this time around, even though I am busier. I can keep my house clean with minimal effort, and I haven't cried myself to sleep, which I did every night for years. Those are big indicators for me. I was really humbled and surprised at how real and devastating depression is. My family doesn't really believe depression is real (which just added to the guilt when I had it, because I felt like they just thought I was lazy), but life now compared to life after my daughter was born totally proves it to me. It's been night and day. These days my kids bring me joy instead of constant anger and frustration.
familes need to be more supportive of mother in keeping an eye out for this and getting them help at the first signs of baby blues. I think its pretty telling that a lot of people here who have had PPD didn't receive professional help. If you're lucky and have friends who can support you, that's great, but not everyone has that support network.
@johnandchels@xanga - Hey, Friend! glad I stopped back by here to see some more of the comments... I'm messaging you with some encouragement! HUGS!!!
Well, I´m not a woman nor do I have children, but my mom told me that when my middle brother was born she tried to kill herself. That was when I was 1 year old. Even if I get mad at her a lot the fact that I was very close to losing her horrifies me .....
I feel as though I'm dealing with that right now. I just had a baby back in July and she was 6 weeks early. She spent a 12 days in the NICU and I wasn't prepared for how that would make me feel. I had problems breastfeeding and didn't realize how that would make me feel either. My husband knows I'm depressed but doesn't really think much of it. My family lives across the country and even though we're moving there in a month to be closer for a support group, it's hard now not having any support group. We have very few friends where we live and none that really could help us out with anything. I do plan on seeking out a therapist after we move because at the moment we don't even have insurance.
I definitely didn't think it would be this hard emotionally having a baby... I definitely feel guilty that I'm not as happy as I feel I should be at having a beautiful healthy baby.