by Mama Fox
Recently on the Early Show there was a discussion about taking wedding rings off while socializing. They had two relationship experts, one man and one woman, talking about the differences between why women do it and why men do it. Women want to go out and flirt and "be single" for a little while to get the attention they may not be getting in their marriage. Men, on the other hand, take it off ... well, to pick up chicks.
This is a topic that I've been thinking about a lot lately. Not really about the socializing part but about the rings. The male relationship expert was saying that his ring is a symbol of his love, commitment and fidelity. Which is true but it's also just a ring. Whether it's on or off, you are married (and hopefully in love, committed and faithful.)
My husband doesn't wear his ring. He took it off last week after a discussion at the police academy about how if someone you put in jail wants to get back at you, they may just go after your family.
It's better to "seem single" then put your family at risk. And it is a very real risk for police officers. One of Papa Fox's instructors had to basically evacuate his family in the middle of the night a few years back because there was a hit put out for him. There's also the very practical risk of rings getting caught on fences if you have to climb one. That wouldn't be very pretty.
So he took it off to get rid of the tan line and small ridge before he hits the streets in January. It doesn't fit him well anyway. He's lost weight since we got married and it's bent from when he was deployed. We'll buy him a new ring next year, one that fits and can take abuse that he'll wear off duty. For now I wear his ring on a necklace with my too big engagement ring. The first day he had it off it bothered me. I understood completely why he did it but to me rings do (did) symbolize our marriage.
After a few days, I finally snapped out of it. We are no less married than we were 2 weeks ago. Nothing had changed. I take mine off when I have to knead dough or cut in shortening when I'm baking (a couple times a week). I've even forgot about it and left it on the counter for a couple hours. It is just a ring. Most of the time, I hardly notice them so why would it make a difference if it wasn't there?
Marriage (and love) is in your heart, not on your finger.Do you and your spouse wear your rings 100% of the time? Or do you take them off for work, socializing, washing dishes, etc.?
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Comments (94)
I take my rings off occasionally to do dishes, put on lotion, etc. I
am particular about always putting them on before I go out though. I
just really like to have them on (though I agree that it does not
change anything) because it is a small thing that says "I'm taken."
:) There are certain guys out there that will try things anyway, but
for the most part, people respect that.
I never ever take mine off b/c i'm forgetful and it would be easy to misplace it - but now reading these comments i'm worried that i shouldn't be wearing it while cleaning...
My husband and I both take our rings off, for different reasons. My husband is a herpetologist, and being out in the field all day means he could lose his ring. I take my off for bathing and washing the dishes. We are still married, even without rings. It's just a symbol.
My husband can't wear his to work either because it would be dangerous (he works on cars). Since he doesn't wear it during the week, he forgets to wear it on the weekends, unless I get it for him. I take mine off at night and if doing something where it will get dirty. But I have 3 very small children and don't want to go out in public and have people think I'm not married. So, I don't leave the house without it for sure!
Through work my husbands ring got bent. He also got chemicals from work caught in the band. We got him a sturdier new one. I wanted mine to match his and I was tired of cleaning the first one all the time. It really had some nooks and cranny's in it.
I take my new one off to put lotion on or if I have to mix something. He takes his off when he is working with electronics. We have both forgot to put them back on. I don't notice because it's comfortable enough that it still feels like it's on.
I've never taken it off to socialize.
I can't imagine taking off my ring for socializing and stuff. At my school, a lot of people are here for the exact purpose of getting married, or at least wouldn't mind it if they did. The "ring check" tells a guy whether it's okay to flirt with/ask out/possibly marry a certain girl. And I would kind of like to avoid being asked out now that I'm married.
I take mine off sometimes. Usually when I go to bed. Sometimes when I take a shower. If I am cleaning with chemicals. Sometimes if it is hot outside and my fingers get swollen and my rings are tight. Sometimes I forget to put them back on in the morning but it isn't on purpose.
David takes his off for the same reasons.
We both are pretty good about remembering to put them back on though. It isn't a huge deal if we forget a day.
i hardly ever wear mine. just to go out. the ring isn't going to make your marriage any better.
but if my husband didn't wear his to work, i wouldn't like that either. i always wore mine to work when i worked.
I take mine off to sleep (can't stand to have jewlrey of any kind on while I sleep), when I bath my daughter (I'm afraid of scraping her), when I clean, when I swim, when I work out. I also may go several days in the summer without it. My hands and feet swell pretty badly in the summer heat. So badly that when we got engaged on a hot summer night ... I couldn't get the ring OFF! I had to have it CUT off. No lie. My finger was turning purple. And no, it wasn't too small. My hands just swelled that much.
So, I'm pretty aware of my rings and when I need to take them off.
My husband takes off his ring at night and to shower.
I love wearing my rings and so does my husband. We like to show off we're married. But whether we have them on or not certainly doesn't change anything. And if one of us forgets to put it back on, we don't feel slighted in anyway.
i never took mine, off til i lost so much weight i practically falls off a couple of times a day by itself, so i take it off to shower do dishes etc.... anytime i'm messing w/ water or soap products. now there's really sad story abt my hubby losing his ring and our marriage going down the drain along w/ it.
As some of the other readers have stated I too take off my rings when working in the yard, dishes and showering. My husband on the other hand does not take his ring off. While I do not feel any less married when I am not wearing my ring I choose to always wear it as does my DH
i think i'd find it questionable if my future wife took her ring off.
I'm not married, and don't know if I ever will be, but my boyfriend gave me a ring and I wear it a lot. It's kind of a we're-too-young-to-think-about-marriage-yet-but-you-have-my-heart thing to me. A reminder that I'm loved.
I wear it at night and around the house a lot. I work with horses though, so I have to take it off for that. And I don't wear it to school either because then rumors might start about us being more than we are and neither of us wants to deal with that.The only times I ever take both of my rings off are when I'm cooking and handling things that aren't clean or messy (raw chicken, cookie dough, etc.). I'll taking off my diamond ring when I'm cleaning because the stone rips through gloves and I never wear the diamond ring when I go swimming. Otherwise, I'm all rings, all the time. My husband never takes his ring off -- he doesn't work in an environment that would pose a danger to losing a finger.
my ex's wore theirs all the time. maybe only taking it off fro lotion or cleaning or when it might get damaged. i tried to wear one but i was always getting it caught on something. pluse being in the health care profession i am always washing my hands and found i was getting a irritation from not getting it dry enough underneath it. but i just do not wear jewlery. the only time i wear a watch is when i am at work.
women or men will cheat with or without the ring on. it is a symbol of your union and there are other ways to have that symbol and to wear a ring if not on your finger.
but to take it off to go out? nope! you are just asking for trouble.
My husband and I take our rings off when we shower and sometimes before we go to bed. I'll take mine off when I clean the house. There have only been a few times when I'd forget my rings and I felt so naked without it. My hubby forgot his when we went to a funeral together and he felt weird, even though I was with him.
We've never taken our rings off when we socialize. That seems shady to me. I like having my rings on so if someone is trying to pick me up, all I do is flash them my left hand.
Our rings are a symbol of our marriage but they are not the definition of our marriage. If we couldn't wear them for safety reasons or if they didn't fit anymore it would be OK because we are still happily committed to each other.
I have a lot of little diamonds in mine and stuff gets stuck in the cracks all the time. I"m pretty sure I still have some dried sunscreen in there. So I try to take it off whenever I do something grubby. SOmetimes I do for showers or bed but usuall not. My husband's is a boring titanium one that isn't that pretty and is pretty durable yet he still takes his off for showering or bed occasionally. Neither of us take htem off for socializing htough, that's just deceptive. We're proud of our relationship and dont need to hide it! I have left the house without my ring before on accident and it's just felt weird.
I never take mine off.
It had been off my finger since I was in my first pregnancy. Worried about bloaty fingers. In any manner, I had this discussion with my husband in the initial stage of our marriage. The wedding ring is just a symbolic union of two people. It will not stop anyone from having an affair. We both haven't worn our wedding rings for a very long time and I'm not bothered about it either.
you made some great points
The only time I take mine off is when I'm showering. (I try to avoid getting soap and conditioner caked in between the diamonds.) Or whenever I do the dishes, since I don't want to risk losing a diamond.
My husband takes his off whenever he showers, but for the most part we always wear our rings. I feel it's important to show our commitment, not just to others, but ourselves...I think both of us feel sentimental and attached to them. We can look down and have an array of memories and love pass through our minds. He's in the Military, so this is especially important to us when we're separated.
I don't understand the whole concept of being married, yet "enjoying" going out and appearing single. It's one thing if the person genuinely dislikes wearing their ring all of the time, but it's another when they have the intention of being unfaithful or trying to gain attention. I'd be so hurt and angry if my husband were to do something like that!
And yes, people can cheat even wearing their ring. If a person is setting out to do that, they will find a way. It's sad, but it makes me so happy that my marriage is no where close to being like that. I actually recently read a woman's Xanga where she went into details about how she took off her ring and went out for a night with her gal friends. Her intention was to cheat and she did. Then she was saying how regretful she was of it.
I don't know why some people bother getting married. Seriously...some should just stay single at all costs.
I never wear mine at all, because I work mostly in the garden or in the workshop, where it can be a hazard, catching on things or transferring the vibrations of machines to the bones in my finger. I actually stopped wearing it when I noticed that my finger was sore at the end of the day after tilling the garden with it on.
My husband is a police officer, too, and he also considered taking it off for the same reason. The other reason was that he was in a foot chase with a suspect one time and jumped over a chain link fence to follow the guy and caught his ring on the fence. He nearly ripped his finger off. I know men in construction and factory jobs sometimes don't wear rings for that reason. Anyway, my hubby still wears his ring. I guess it's just out of habit and he thinks that he's in a safe enough area to not deal with revenge. He mostly deals with good people that are bad drunks.
I only take mine off to apply lotion or when I'm cooking something where I have to use my hands and it could get gunky. I also couldn't wear it for about half of my pregnancy. Other than that, it's on all the time.
I take mine off when I cook messy stuff (dough, meatloaf, etc) but I put it back on when I'm cleaned up. My hubby sometimes wears his plain band from our first wedding if he's worried about messing up his nice one. When he absolutely can not wear a ring (some jobs), he waits until the last minute to take it off, puts it on his key ring, then puts it back on as soon as he can. He's very proud to wear his wedding ring. I personally love my rings and I love wearing my rings, I love that my hubby took so much time to choose and design them and that he bought them to represent our vows and love for each other.
I think all married people should have rings, which they should wear as much as possible. I understand that a ring doesn't make you "married" or won't keep people from cheating or won't stop everyone from hitting on you but I tend to equate the "don't need rings" line of thinking with those who follow the "don't need a paper to say we're married."
I've been engaged for almost a year now, and when we first got married I would always take it off and fiddle with it any time I had to sit still for long periods of time like class, school, ect. In retrospect, I think that kinda bothered him, but it was mostly just because I had never worn any kind of jewelry and it was strange to me. I don't do that very often anymore.
I do take it off when I open at work. I work two jobs, and one of them is fast food. When I open my hands get covered in food, bread dough, cookie dough, vegetables, and other stuff like that. So I don't wear it there anymore, and I take it off when I do things around the house like clean, cook, shower, or sleep. He doesn't have his ring yet, it will be interesting to see how often he wears his.