Friday, 12 September 2008
by Mama FoxRecently on the Early Show there was a discussion about taking wedding rings off while socializing. They had two relationship experts, one man and one woman, talking about the differences between why women do it and why men do it. Women want to go out and flirt and "be single" for a little while to get the attention they may not be getting in their marriage. Men, on the other hand, take it off ... well, to pick up chicks.
This is a topic that I've been thinking about a lot lately. Not really about the socializing part but about the rings. The male relationship expert was saying that his ring is a symbol of his love, commitment and fidelity. Which is true but it's also just a ring. Whether it's on or off, you are married (and hopefully in love, committed and faithful.)
My husband doesn't wear his ring. He took it off last week after a discussion at the police academy about how if someone you put in jail wants to get back at you, they may just go after your family. It's better to "seem single" then put your family at risk. And it is a very real risk for police officers. One of Papa Fox's instructors had to basically evacuate his family in the middle of the night a few years back because there was a hit put out for him. There's also the very practical risk of rings getting caught on fences if you have to climb one. That wouldn't be very pretty.
So he took it off to get rid of the tan line and small ridge before he hits the streets in January. It doesn't fit him well anyway. He's lost weight since we got married and it's bent from when he was deployed. We'll buy him a new ring next year, one that fits and can take abuse that he'll wear off duty. For now I wear his ring on a necklace with my too big engagement ring. The first day he had it off it bothered me. I understood completely why he did it but to me rings do (did) symbolize our marriage.
After a few days, I finally snapped out of it. We are no less married than we were 2 weeks ago. Nothing had changed. I take mine off when I have to knead dough or cut in shortening when I'm baking (a couple times a week). I've even forgot about it and left it on the counter for a couple hours. It is just a ring. Most of the time, I hardly notice them so why would it make a difference if it wasn't there? Marriage (and love) is in your heart, not on your finger.
Do you and your spouse wear your rings 100% of the time? Or do you take them off for work, socializing, washing dishes, etc.?