Wednesday, 10 September 2008
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My Child's "Music" Playing Is Driving Me Crazy
My son R has always been drawn to music. When he was a baby, he would get very still and quiet whenever music was played. When he had just turned 1, he was a bit on the shy side. We were at a friend's house for a party and one of the guests sat down at the piano and started playing. R went right over to this person that he had never met before, climbed right up on his lap and sat there for close to an hour. I was amazed by two things - #1 that he was that familiar with someone that he didn't know, and #2 that he sat so still for so long. He was so intrigued!When we're on long car trips, he'd much rather listen to music on his head phones than watch a movie and my younger brother, who is a rather talented musician has become his hero. When we go to my parent's house, he always wants to go look at "Uncle R's g'tars." Neither my husband nor I am musically inclined, to say the least. Honestly, I hadn't thought much about his interest in music until recently, when others have been noticing it. I guess I kept thinking it was a passing phase, but I'm starting to think that it may not be. This past Christmas my parents bought him a play guitar and it was by far his favorite gift. He carried it everywhere he went for about a month, and whenever he watches any show that has music (Barney, etc.) he'll sit on the living room floor with his guitar or drum and play along.
Here's the problem. He's driving me crazy. Seriously. I don't know what to do. He drums on everything, I mean everything. My brother gave him a Djembe drum that he doesn't use anymore, which is like a bongo-type thing and it is so loud! This drum is almost as big as he is and he drags it all over the house with him. He makes sure it is right beside his bed when he goes to sleep. This drum has become a way to express excitement (lots of loud bangs), anger (one loud bang) and every emotion in between. His guitar is down to 2 strings, and they aren't real so they aren't replaceable. I'm already dreading the day when that last string breaks. He'll probably go into withdrawal. Anyway, the peace of the house has been replaced with "music" of every sort.
So this is my dilemma... how do I encourage him, especially if this is a gift that he has? I don't want to squelch it, but on the other hand, I have to keep my sanity and that of the other members of the household. Lately, if he is wanting to play his drums, I tell him he has to in his room. He always looks at me so sadly and drags his instruments back to his room in such a pitiful manner, which makes me feel so bad! I always cheer him on when he plays, but after awhile, my brain can only handle so much, not to mention his napping sister...
How do I encourage him, while limiting his "playing" for the sake of the rest of the house? Are your kids into music? When is a good age to start music lessons?
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Comments (18)
I'm a music teacher, but since I teach voice, I don't know a lot about teaching really young kids. I do know that kids as young as 4 can be taught simple instruments. I also don't know a whole lot about early childhood development.
One way to "teach" him when he is this young is to move with him to music, in rhythm, so he learns to feel the beat. When he starts school, there will probably be music class, and you could talk to his teacher about child-friendly music lessons in the area.
But as a musician/instructor/composer, I can say that part of what influenced my musical development was that my parents listened to a lot of music. Mostly classical, but I learned to like other kinds, too, and now I mix them together.
Your child has an amazing gift! We were just talking about this kind of thing in music pedagogy class this morning. You might want to look into group music classes for preschoolers. And some do start instrument lessons as early as 4-5, though it's often good to wait a couple more years depending on the kid's attention span.
It will be good to encourage this talent by, yes, buying him more toy instruments (I know you're tired of hearing it; can always move it to his room) as well as instruction when possible. Also start playing recordings of music from all different genres, or trying different kinds of radio/ streaming music in the house. I think a lot of serious musicians get their start because their parents were classical musicians; I want to encourage music development in kids from non-musical families as well. And it's so cool that he already has his own djembe!
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definitely teach them music young. i think its scientifically proven somewhere by someone that it helps kids learn and be disciplined as they grow.
i dunno if this'll work, but maybe you could try staging a little performance in the living room or something once a night every day. tell your kid that at this performance, he needs to perform his best. then encourage him to practice a lot in his room.
and i guess every week or so you could make it challenging and add in rewards and stuff if he gets certain songs down.
When you figure it out, let me know. Because my husband was a drummer in high school/college and he drums all the time - on the table, counter, desk, anything hard in reach. It makes me insane.
Thankfully, though, he's an adult so I just give him a look and he stops (for a short time, anyway :)) I'm not sure what to do about a little one doing it.....
I like the idea about the performance every night. I don't know what else you could try. Maybe you could try to buy some kind of quieter instruments? I know my daughter would think the louder the better, so that may not work. Good luck!
A more high-tech solution: there are plenty of gadgets available where you drum on a relatively-silent electronic pad and have the sound played through a set of headphones or speakers, and you can turn the volume down as low (or as high--problem if the "musician" controls the volume dial) as you want. My parents looked into the "Silent Brass" system when I was in elementary school and decided I wanted to play the French horn: the system is brass-specific and expensive, but keep it in mind in a decade or so.
My dad became a hero to his sisters-in-law when he gave their aspiring-musician-children relatively high-quality instruments (bought dirt cheap at pawn shops.) Then, my aunts could insist that my cousins not play whenever or wherever because "it might not be good for the instrument" to be at the dining table, outside, in the car, whatever.
I grew up in a house FULL of instruments. Seriously, instead of paintings or prints, the house is decorated with flutes, fifes, and various other noise-makers. We were allowed to play with whatever instrument we wanted, provided it was under careful adult supervision to ensure that we didn't break it, and we had to quit as soon as the adult wanted to put the instrument up. It wasn't until after I had left for college that I realized how sturdy most of those things are: I didn't have the slide whistle taken away from me all those times because I was going to break it, it was because I'd gotten annoying. Maybe my parents were more willing to lie to me than you are, though.
Anyway.
If the kid is mesmerized by music of any sort, find some classical music that you can tolerate and have him listen to that. (I'm sure there are videos of music-relevant cartoons with a classical soundtrack.)
I started taking lessons on the recorder when I was in 2nd Grade, but had definitely learned the whole "do re mi" thing earlier than that in the church youth choir.
Good luck!
P.S.
As someone who joined band in 6th grade, served as a high school drum major, and still plays in college, let me tell you: there are few things any musical director hates more than the drummer than constantly drums on everything. That's a habit to nip right in the bud. It's annoying and often used as a cover for an unwillingness to read music, pay attention, or be a member of a team. Certainly, it's different if the "drummer" is 12 or 2, but remember: you can teach focus and manners without worrying about squashing a "gift." He'll ultimately be a better musician for it.
Getting him started with lessons would be great for him- !
i would start music lessons with him a.s.a.p. this will benefit in him the future immensely! and perhaps if you do get him into lessons set up a practice time at home where he is allowed to play freely for that set amount of practice time....by doing this it will teach him to set time aside to practice and give you some quiet time when his practice time is over. best of luck!
Find a babysitter that is good with music?
i was forced to play violin since i was 6 till i was 13. i hated it. i never wanted to play again. recently i've been learning the guitar and i love every minute of it.
if your child shows an interest in music, let him be, it's a gift. maybe around the age of 4 you can get him a music teacher for the instrument that he likes and see how far he'll go with it. for now, maybe you can hide it from him and only let him find it when you're able to stand the "noise".
Designate a specific "music time"?? Over here, "Daddy time" is "music time" so Hubby can do what he likes and M gets to learn new stuff.
Cute photo with the guitar. Hubby and I are music people so M loves to play with all the instruments lying around. Good thing the djembe is gone now (it was the church's that we keep here during the building expansion, but someone else is keeping it now), but she does play with my brother's drum when we're over at my parents'.
All the best recommendations have been given,
-get him lessons
-set aside time just for his 'concerts'
-set up a special practice time in his room
My suggestion would to be do all of these and to make sure that he understands that playing in his room isn't a punishment but a chance for him to practice without getting distracted by the rest of the house. Maybe you can have quiet music days where he has to try to play as quietly as he can for a treat or something special, of course that would mean there'd have to be a loud day, too. Maybe that could be an outside concert.
Hope this helps.
You could say "you can play music right now in your bedroom" then he's not all over with it..
I know some very gifted cellists and violinists and they all started lessons at about age 6 and up. And being an orchestral musician myself, music is such a great thing! It has also been proven that musically inclined people perform better in all areas of school, especially math and science.
-add some sound proofing to his room
-put an article of clothing in the djembe to dampen the noise
-get electronic instruments with headphones
-have music time with other kids outside in a park