Wednesday, 03 September 2008
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Evening Discussion: Scolding Someone Else's Child
by Momaroo Team
It's happened to most of us. Your child is playing with other children, when suddenly she lets out a heart-stopping scream. You rush over to find that someone else's child is being too aggressive with your own (e.g. hair pulling, biting, hitting, etc.), but the other child's parent is in the next room.Or, you're heading towards your car, and you see children throwing rocks at another car. You look around but there are no adults nearby, and the children look old enough to be out playing on their own.
What would you do in these types of situations? Do you think it's ever okay to scold someone else's child? If so, when is it okay?
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Comments (62)
I treat all children like they're my own. If their parents don't agree, they can deal with me.
I've been known to scold someone else's child but never harshly.
YOU BET!!!!!!
It takes a community to raise a child!
It's never okay. If they are doing something that could be dangerous, it is fine to ask them to stop nicely and warn them about their actions. If they are pulling hair and you know where the parent is, remove your chld from that situation, and get the other child's parent to punish him/her.
If someone spoke harshly to my child for any reason, they would seriously regret it.
In every church I have been in, the congregation takes a vow to pray for each child being baptised, to instruct that child in the faith, to do all that is necessary to help raise a child of the covenant. It is tough to discipline someone else's child, but we do need to do it, wisely, graciously, kindly, firmly, forbearing childish foolishness in order to teach maturity. If the child is a constant problem it becomes a matter for the whole church, especially the leadership of the church, to instruct parents in how to rear mannerly CHristian kids.
I don't like the word "scold". I prefer "discipline" as in discipling. This is what it is like to be a member of a church, and if this is not taken seriously and expected by parents and congregants, they should not be members of a church.
In those situations, yes, it is appropriate to scold at them. And I'm usually sick of other people saying, "They're just kids. They don't know any better." Well, the reason they don't know any better is because nobody lets them know what's any better. If you're not doing your job as a parent to raise them properly, then we'll take it into our own hands to give them a proper kick-to-the-senses lecture. Just, hopefully, they listen and if not, call the police and have them get straight through to the kids. Tough love is one of the effective ways to get through to stubborn kids who won't listen.
I would say it depends on their age. Young ones might not know that they are doing someone wrong. They probably wanted a toy that someone else had, or is tired or hungry. For the older ones who should 'know better', you can 'scold' them for their actions because they're parents know that their kid is at fault and would probably scold them too (I would hope). Hopefully, they won't throw rocks at you for scolding them.....
YES!!! Especially if the parents are no where to be found and the kids are either doing something mean or hurtful to your children or dangerous, yes unfortunetly there are far to many parents though who send their kids out to be "raised" by the neighbors and never watch them at all.
I agree the "scold" is a bit of a harsh word. If I saw a child harming themselves, another or someone else's property, I would have no problem telling them to stop it. I wouldn't yell at them or anything, but a quick "hey, don't do that" to most kids is usually enough.
I would and I do. Sometimes it has to be quite firm for the child to listen. These days some children just look at you and then turn and ignore you. If you are a parent and you get upset with someone scolding your child before you even know what why it was done, you are only teaching your child that you will defend them even when they are in the wrong. Not a great thing to do.
I also agree that scolding may not exactly be the word I would use but I do take it upon myself to train and teach other children that their behavior is not acceptable if that is what is going on. My neighbors have horribly behaved children whom I MUST talk to constantly. I have gone to their parents and absolutely nothing happens, so I've taken it upon my own responsibility and for the safety of my own children to train them how to play nicely and how to treat friends. I would never discipline them, but I do have to repeatedly remove my children from spending time with them because they have no discipline in their own home.
@sugartomyhoney@xanga - We use gentle discipline with our children. We do not talk harshly to them, and I will not allow anyone else to do so, so yes, I would be upset with any type of solding regardless of the situation. My children are very sweet and have never been in any type of trouble. Obviously I'm doing something right without "scolding" them.
If my kid was doing something like the above situations, I would want someone to scold them. However, in today's society, you're likely to get sued if you do it to their kid...
I would have to agree with the first few posters. Absolutely! I will and do!
If my daughter was doing something that was harmful to someone or something else and I (for whatever reason) wasn't there to correct, I would only hope that another adult who was there would say something.
Yes, it is! I've had to do it with other teachers' classes here in Japan when that teacher has had to step out. And I agree with trinity_heart@xanga - I'd want someone to scold my child, too, if s/he ever decides to do something like the above. However, the "lawsuit" thing is always there...and some parents just flat get ticked of when someone else scolds their child, even if their child is totally in the wrong....
if a child was hurting my kid(s) (in the future) i'd let the child know that its "not nice" and remove my child and his/her belongings from the area.
I would definitely say something to the other child and let them know that it's NOT O.K. what they are doing. I've done it many times. It doesn't have to be harsh, but there's nothing wrong with being the adult in the supervision... especially if it involved protecting another child. I agree that it takes a village.
I would say something, especially in the first scenario that was presented.
However, there must be a balance struck between scolding, and flying off the handle (as I've witnessed parents of non-related children do).
If some kid was throwing rocks at cars, I would tell them to stop because someone could get very angry with them. They probably wouldn't listen, but at least I did something.
Now if they were throwing rocks at MY car...I would demand to know where their parents are, and I'd let them take care of it...and be responsible for all (if any) damage.
@Tavia_n_Jones@xanga - Bravo for you! Limiting time your children spend with them is the safest bet, I guarantee it.
I have no patience for misbehaved children. I don't even have kids of my own but I treat my step-daughter like shes mine and any other child that is in my care or without supervision is treated the same. Too many parents out there rely on schools and neighbors to raise their kids when its no ones responsibility but the parents. If a kid is doing something hurtful, harmful, or menacing to others you bet I'll let the kid know that the behavior is not acceptable and also explain why its not ok.
Ok, in the situations you discribed yes, I think mild scolding is ok. There have been a few times I have had to take care of something myself. Like when my neice pushed my son over bloodied his nose and then laughed. Yeah it wasn't too gentle a scolding, or when kids bite, hit or pull hair and the mother either doesn't see it or doesn't care.
What drives me up the wall is when I am right there taking care of it, and someone else has to butt in. My sister in law and mother in law are horrible at that. I just boil inside. I always keep an eye on my kids and they are very well behaved, but any little thing, and they threaten to spank them or yell at them and I get ticked. Like I can't handle this on my own. Like I am some dumb mother who doesn't take care of my kids. Yet I have been told by them, that they are the best behaved kids in our family. Go figure.
@PoetMcChick@xanga - Good point. I agree there are those that will fly off the handle.
I always tell a child to stop if they are doing something destructive. Who knows, at home they might learn nothing about right from wrong, or maybe their parents would want you to tell them to stop! I wouldn't punish them, but I would be sure they stopped and understood what they were doing was wrong.
Absofrickinlutely! Espescialy in the throwing rock at the car. If that child is ten and up "hello 911". Unfortunately for me 911 did not bother responding to that which is another wonderful issue...But yes it is acceptable to "scold" "discipline" whatever other people's children if those darlings are destroying property or hurting themselves or others.