Friday, 29 August 2008
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Maid of Honor Dilemma
by Mama Koala
Recently, I was asked to be the maid of honor at my friend's wedding next year. It's a big honor when a good friend asks you to play such an important role on their special day, so of course, I accepted. I was a bridesmaid 4 months after having Baby Koala, and that was difficult only because I was breastfeeding at the time. By next year, she'll be two already and should be fine without me for a day.But now I'm facing a new dilemma. We've been looking at bridesmaid dresses online, and it sometimes takes several months for dresses to come in once the order's been made. There are a couple of styles that we really like, but I feel like I can't order a bridesmaid dress right now...I mean, what happens if I get pregnant within the next few months? I've been going back and forth in my mind about whether or not I can handle having another child right now, but I know that Papa Koala is and always has been ready. Bottom line, it would be nice for Baby Koala to have a brother or sister, and we've always wanted more than one. Obviously if I get pregnant next month, I will have to let my friend know that I won't be able to be in her wedding party (I hope that doesn't happen though, because I'd hate to have to tell her that). But what if I get pregnant, say...4 months later? I guess it wouldn't be much of an issue if the wedding was sooner, but the date's been set and it's not for another 10 months.
Have you or someone you know had the experience of being a pregnant bridesmaid? Did you wait to buy a maternity bridesmaid dress closer to the date of the wedding, or just order a larger size just in case you get pregnant?
Also, how far along in pregnancy do you think it'd still be possible to handle maid of honor responsibilities well?
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Comments (15)
how far along depends on the person, whether she can handle the emotional roller coaster as well as taking a toll on the body. but of all the weddings i've shot i've never ran into a pregnant bridesmaid/maid of honor. some women feel that being pregnant and being a bridesmaid would somehow steal the bride's thunder. but if you get pregnant right now and have a baby a month before the wedding, i'm sure you'll be alright. with a month you can knock off 10lbs(2.5lbs/mo)
For starters, find out what the very latest date is for ordering your dress also if you could, try getting a style of dress that would accommodate a bigger belly or that would be easy to modify to do so, that way it will work either way. In any case, I wouldn't get a dress or not based on the possibility that I might possibly want to try getting pregnant. As for the MoH duties, well, I would look at it from the point that you will be pregnant and it will be a horribly draining pregnancy, think about your worst day with your last pregnancy and multiply it by 3, then ask yourself if you'd want to do everything for the wedding. Talk to the bride about the possibility of you being pregnant because maybe she wouldn't want a pregnant MoH anyway, for whatever reason or maybe if she could have a heads up to plan for it, she would be able to have others step in to help you with your duties, if need be.
My ex sister-in-law was pregnant with my nephew when she was in her sister's wedding. Her dress had an empire waist that really worked well. Does your friend know that you are trying? If she does and is enthusiastic about it, maybe you could opt for something that would work either way?
When I got married, one of my bridesmaids was eight months pregnant. The dress was not a problem, all three of my bridesmaids had the pattern and the material and had someone make it for them. The girl who was pregnant was my cousin's wife, so my mom ended up making her dress. Where we ran into a problem was the shoes. K could not wear any shoes by that point. She ended up wearing flip flops and no one really even paid that mush attention.
I had a pregnant friend in my wedding party and my friend that same summer, had 2 pregnant friends in her wedding party. We had purchased dresses already for both weddings. SO, what we did was do to the dress store and ordered the extra fabric by the yard from the maker of the dress. Once the dress came in and a little closer to the wedding date, we had a tailor add some extra material to the back of the dress close to the zipper. The dress looked fantastic and you would have never known that we had to custom make the dress. I would encourage you to enjoy being Maid of Honor even if you become pregnant. It will definitely work out in the end! And you will look fantastic!
well, I was a pregnant bride and one of my bridesmaids was pregnant also. What worked was that my mom made my bridesmaid's dresses so she was able to make them to fit perfectly. Also, I think it did have an empire waist so that made it easier to fit the baby belly into.
For me personally, I loved having my friend in the wedding and it was great that she was pregnant. But I had a low key, low budget wedding. For someone with a more expensive wedding, they might care more about "show" and how it all looks. I would just have a candid talk to your friend now while there was no pressure (she can still find a replacement, you aren't pregnant yet..etc) to get a feel for what she would want.
My sister was my maid of honor and due on my wedding day!! I picked out a color and asked all my bridesmaids to get a dress to suit them. We went shopping for her the weekend before the wedding. To make her extra comfy, I decorated some Reeboks with flowers (lilac flowers) to match my colors. I tell you, she stole the show! She was gorgeous. I think it's up to you how much you can handle. She helped me with all of my designing and picking out things and even made a few things (she's more artsy fartsy than I am lol). I made all of the maid of honor decisions so that she wouldn't have to. I chose to forgo all of the batchelorette parties and showers for that reason and I'm good with it. Your friend/family member picked you for that reason. Because she honors and respects you. She'll understand if you can't do much and try to help you out the best way possible!
My sister is hoping to be engaged soon (I'll keep you updated hehe) and I will most likely be in the wedding somehow (hmmmm...), but we're also planning to be pregnant around the same time as the wedding. I just helped a friend out with her wedding and her matron of honor was 8 months pregnant. She did fine but it was tiring for her and it was definitely hot that day too. The other bridesmaids made sure to do more than asked for so that she wouldn't have to do as much. Her day of coordinator just had a baby 2 months before that. She managed it (nursing and all), and did a fabulous job actually. I'm not sure how the dress thing works because they won't really be able to measure you....probably just order larger size and alter right before??
I was in 2 weddings this summer when I was 5 and 5 1/2 months pregnant. I was maid of honor in one of them.
Dresses - I found out I was pregnant after dresses were ordered. I called the company and had them send extra fabric and I had a seamstress alter the dress for me. Pretty expensive in my mind ($150 dress, $60 material $50 altering), but I wanted to be in the wedding so didn't have a choice.
Maid of Honor Duties - My best friend had the longest train in the world (probably not - but close). I carried that sucker around all through pictures and it was pretty hard work. But I did it and probably could've done it up to 7 or 8 months along. However, one of the other bridesmaids could also step up to the job....
Good luck!
I was the MOH and pregnant, I got sized for a dress I thinkit was a 3 at the time but I knew I was pregnant so I ordered a 6 and was able to have it fitted before the big day, MUCH earier to have it taken it than out!
I stood up in a wedding last year 7 months pregnant. Thankfully the bride chose to go with the 'let the bridesmaids choose their own dress, just all in one color' thing. I found a great maternity dress on sale at JCPenny.com for THIRTY BUCKS! What a steal. It was awesome. I wore it a month later when I was the master of ceremonies for another friends wedding.
You'll need to know the very last date you can order your dress. Keep in mind, many shops do have rush services as well.... ask about that option.
I would say, 8 months would be the drop dead date for maid of honor duties. I certainly had my hands full as master of ceremonies at 8 months. My feet were SO swollen by the end of the day!
The other thing is ... unless you are actively trying, you just don't know. You say you are not sure if you want to have another one or not. You can't put the rest of your life on hold for a 'maybe'. If you are actively trying, then you need to talk to your friend and see how she feels about it. But you can't do much about it until you know for sure and are working on getting pregnant.
I just got married about 8 months ago, and looking through the bridal magazines, there were some adorable styles of maternity bridesmaid stuff! I mean, if they're all supposed to be matching, and the style has a fitted waist, it could be a problem. But so many people are doing "coordinated" bridesmaid dresses, that it's really doable now! I would just talk to your friend about your concerns, she should be able to let you play it by ear. And maybe you can buy a style that would be "pregnancy-friendly", which is what I've worn through my entire pregnancy! Something with an empire waist, or elastic.... :) The fact is, you could get pregnant, and a new baby is an awesome thing, so hopefully your friend will see it that way and be flexible. :)
I would just wait and see how long the order process takes and wait until the last minute to get something -- it shouldn't be more than a few months. It would just be better to get it four months before the wedding, and then just get something that might house a bigger belly but won't be hideous if you're not pregnant! *nod*
I was a MOH when I was 7 months pregnant and flew to Texas, and I rocked
It would have been harder with a child too, but I handled everything. I did take off the heels once I got to the front of the church.... I just bought my maternity dress a little big and had it altered down at the last minute. Could be a good incentive to not gain too much weight!
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