Thursday, 28 August 2008
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Parenting Then and Now: Did You Know Orphans Were Once Nursed by Goats?
I just finished reading a novel that blew me away. It was a fictional book set in the late 1800's in England and followed the lives of a few women who were "wet nurses" (women who nursed other people's babies for a living). The author was very careful to keep the setting and experiences of the fictional women completely factual to the time period.Without going into the story line, some of the main factual issues that the book discussed were as follows:
- Women (mostly lower class) would sometimes nurse multiple babies, on top of their own, to make a living to support their children. In one case, the woman gave her own baby to her sister, who was still nursing, and then went and nursed other babies to make a living for her and her sister and all of their children.
- Women who were pregnant without being married were "banished" to "lying in" hospitals until they gave birth. At that time many would either become wet nurses and work in the hospital orphanage area, or go work for wealthier families as wet nurses.
- Breastfeeding was considered improper for a lady of higher class, so almost all new mothers would hire wet nurses for their infants.
- The "lying in" hospital had a whole area for orphaned babies who had syphilis. Wet nurses did not want to nurse these babies because of the fear of contracting the disease, so to keep them alive, the doctors and nurses had the babies actually drink from goats. Yes, goats. Each goat was assigned to a few babies and they would nurse them a few times per day.
I cannot tell you how amazed I was after reading this book. I mean, this was only 150 years ago, and some of the methods and practices of feeding and raising a baby were just unbelievable. I mean, goats? BF taboo? I don't think I even realized that they didn't have bottles at that time, yet! It's just crazy!
The other thing that it made me think about is how on the opposite end of the spectrum we are today. Our children are the most precious things in the world, so obviously we want to give them the best, but babies and children have survived for thousands of years without feeding recommendations and growth charts, monthly pediatrician visits, sleeping methods and books about every topic under the sun, the "right" way to do almost everything. It's almost as if we've gone from the extreme of not properly taking care of children to being driven to perfection. We live in a society where we can feel guilty as parents when our child doesn't have the latest and greatest. When did supplying a place to live, food, clothing and unconditional love cease to be enough?
Now, before I get a ton of nasty comments, I take my children to all of their well-child visits, read as many books as the next person, follow (most) feeding recommendations, etc. My point is merely that although the parenting culture of our era can boast a lot of absolutes, there really are none, other than to provide shelter, food, clothing and lots of love. I guarantee that when my children are grown, some of the ways that I parent will be laughable to them. Who knows, maybe goats will be back in style!
In what ways do you feel our parenting culture has changed for the better (or worse) throughout the years? In today's culture, do you sometimes feel the need to be a perfect parent and/or raise the "perfect" child?
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Comments (19)
I just began reading The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy. It said that every generation of mothers there are different rules. Our mother's drank cocktails occasionally and smoked cigarettes (or worse). They ate as much fish as they wanted and rode rollercoasters.
Now, you're looked at as a bad mother for even thinking of or missing these sorts of things. DON'T YOU WANT TO HAVE A HEALTHY BABY?!?!? Of course we all do. What woman says, No, I want an unhealthy baby that will be a financial and physical burden on us?
Look at the stuff our mothers did (and I ONLY laid on my stomach. The one time I rolled over in my sleep I almost choked to death on my vomit until my mom rolled me back on my stomach again!) and WE turned out fine (mostly).
I know that doing those things our mothers did bring higher risk of problems, but for the most part, people turn out just fine. And think of the women who don't know they're pregnant for five or six months...everything vital has formed by then! And they turn out okay...usually.
I'm not saying that I do those verboten things, or that anyone should, but it does come to show in such a short span of time (23 years since my mom's been pregnant) how drastically things can change.
what book did you read? sounds fascinating!
@HSmomto4@xanga - You beat me to it! lol Those are my thoughts exactly.
I'm going to be a bad mommy for expecting my kids to follow rules and *gasp* enforcing them!
I may be wrong, but I was under the impressing that goat's milk is still the recommended form of milk for babies who can't breastfeed and are allergic to formula. It's actually a great form of nutrition...
Of course, breast is best!
But also I was wondering about something else...since our breasts adjust the milk to our baby's particular needs day to day, what happens if you are nursing multiple babies?
@HSmomto4@xanga - @trinity_heart@xanga - Deval Patrick, at the Democratic National Convention, gave a speech with this nugget about community and parenting:
When I was growing up on the South Side of Chicago in the ‘50s and ‘60s, everything was broken. Playgrounds, schools, families and lives—all broken. But we had a community. Those were days when every child was under the jurisdiction of every single adult on the block. So if you messed up in front of Ms. Jones’ stoop, she would straighten you out as if you were hers and then call home, so you would get it twice. What those adults were trying to get across to us was that they had a stake in us. They wanted us to understand that membership in a community is seeing the stake that each of us has in our neighbor’s dreams and struggles, as well as our own.
I think that kind of community parenting, and having a common standard of discipline that we uphold in our own home, is what's lacking these days.
@HSmomto4@xanga - I know parents who have the attitude that they are going to give their kids everything that they didn't have. They go out of the way to make sure their kids are always happy and have their way. Then those parents are shocked at the behavior when the kids start to become teenagers and they suddenly see the need for discipline.
@runaheadofme@xanga - I agree. I grew up on Army bases and we had better listen to another parent or else we'd get it from that parent and our own parents when they found out. I think now days a lot people are afraid of getting sued or told of by an insane parent just for telling a child to behave or mentioning someone's child's bad behavior.
To be honest, I think self help books are a part of the problem with parenting these days. If you've ever been on any of the social networks for mom's you see moms arguing over how to care for children and if you don't do it exactly this way you are abusing and attemtping to murder your child. They cause arguments and fights instead of people coming together and sharing ideas on how to raise children like people used to do. I will never read a parenting book, but if others want or need them as a guide, it's their choice. I'd rather hear from other moms and dads about what they actually did when facing a problem instead of what they read in a book (b/c I doubt anyone ever does it exactly as the book says).
I'd like to second the goat's milk is still recommended for babies and children over cow's milk. They didn't have bottles back then so how else were the babies supposed to eat? They would have to be nursed by a goat or left to die. I don't see parenting as changing that much over the years. Parents back then still did what they thought was best for their children according to the beliefs of the time. You can't judge them by our beliefs because they either didn't have the knowledge, the technology, etc. I am sure 100 years from now they would be appalled by the things we do as parents.
I was just talking to my partner a few days ago about how before bottles they had wet nurses, he was very shocked. It's great to have more information about it to tell him
In some places of America pepole DO still nurse a friends baby or a relatives, not nessaccarilly for profit, but because it is just the norm, the whole "it takes a community" aspect!
Community parenting would be ideal if we lived in a community that wasn't completely splintered by different beliefs and ideals. I do have a small community of friends with children, and we help each other as much as we can, but outside of that it is very difficult to imagine 'strangers' getting involved in my children's lives. We as a community are not connected with each other. We live in our homes and parent privately.
It is difficult to just feel supported as a mother in a society that doesn't value what being a mother truly is.
I wish we were to a point where nursing each other's children was seen as helpful and not 'creepy'. I guess there's the issue of who has what disease and what did you eat that is in your milk, etc....but don't we know now that germs don't really pass through breast milk?
I believe that as long as there is not an extreme of anything then we are in good shape. I also believe in discipline and an occassional spanking when kids are bad. I hate reading articles about the no spanking theory b/c violence leads to bad violent behavior.
@runaheadofme@xanga - I miss those days... But you can't do that any more.
My former neighbor was a 14 year old juvenile delinquent. Mostly for hurting animals and small kids, disrupting the peace, destruction of property... you get the idea. Anyway, he acquired a pellet gun and began shooting the other neighbors' car and their small children.
The father of the small kids came outside and told him to quit, and the kid just laughed at him and shot at the father! He continued yelling at him to quit, but no luck. So the father (fearing for his kids) took the pellet gun away and immediately took it to the evil kid's mom. The mother freaked out on the man for "assaulting [her] baby" and called the cops on the father.
The father was then sued by the evil kid's mother. I don't think she got anything out of it because after all, she refused to come outside when the man was yelling at her kid and refused to discipline her kid for his actions.
Moral of this story: If your neighborhood hellion has a guardian as psycho as the kid, it's quicker to just call the law than to get the guardian to do anything about it. :-/
I've long since ceased to mold into what other people think is a "perfect" parent. In this society, we consider other people's thoughts to the point of comparison. That's so bad. Then we run to the "experts" for validation when in fact, they're people too and they were raised and raise will their children to the standards of their beliefs.
It's great that we have this wealth of information. Take the good with the bad - the research that proves methods to be unhealthy versus the methods that are convenient for you as a parent so long as you understand the consequence it has to your child.
It's OK to strive to perfection but to what point does it alienate your overall parenting? Are you trying to be perfect for the love of your child or are you trying to be perfect to be perfect?
@trinity_heart@xanga - Yeah, I'm well aware of those types of situations. I work in the public schools and often the kids who need the most help are the ones with parents/guardians like you describe. They never consent to get the kid tested and can never show up to a meeting. They don't regulate the kids behavior at home, and the whole situation just gets progressively worse-- despite repeated attempts to reach out to the kid and the family. But I still think that kind of community is what we need... we are just far from it.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - sounds like Army bases have something going for them! Togetherness is worth a lot, and it's usually a lot of hard work. I agree with you about the self-help-- everyone wants to edumacate themselves into their own expert instead of listening to the people around them and using their heart and some (not-so-)common sense.
It's kind of like when someone is "college ignorant" and thinks the answers they got out of books outweigh the evidence of real life. Unfortunately, our kids need to live in the real world and I think building community will help them a lot more than reading a lot of books, however hard that may be.
Which book was that?
nursed by a goat.....wow.
There were bottles and even pumps way back 150 yrs. ago but surely in a place of poverty it would not be readily available. I've actually seen them in antique stores. You have to imagine what an orphanage would be like; it would be more practical to bring in the goats than spend time Washing bottles and such.