by Mama Monkey
How many times have you received comments on how well behaved your children are and the first thought that pops in your head is 'sure, you should see them at home'? Do you have children who refuse to listen at home, but whose teachers rave about what wonderful, obedient and helpful children they are? Do you find yourself often wondering why they behave so much better out of the house than they do at home? Is it multiple personalities? Well, believe it or not, this could be a good sign.
I found myself sitting at a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) event one night, at the end of my rope and in complete disbelief at the behavior my children were exhibiting lately at home. She was addressing this exact issue. 'You feel that your children behave well out of the house and not so well in the house. Take comfort in this,' she said. 'If your children are willing to let loose and misbehave at home, that means that they feel safe enough to do so.' WOW! It hit me like a cinder block right in the face! She continued, 'All day, your children have to be at their best behavior because they need to please those around them. They don't have the security they (should) have at home and therefore may be fearful of what might happen if they do act up. But at home, they can let loose and be who they truly are without fear of unloving retaliation. This is not to say that your kids shouldn't have consequences when they misbehave, but they know that your love for them will not change no matter how much they act up. They don't know this about their teacher or day care provider.'
Since that day, I have reminded myself of this when it seems to me that my kids are being particularly 'naughty.' I ask myself if they have been in a lot of situations where they couldn't 'let loose' - and often the answer is yes. I am not going to say that it makes everything peachy again, but it helps me to understand where they are coming from. And it makes me happy that my kids have the safety net to fall in at home. I want our house to be a place of acceptance, love and open communication. My children will have consequences when they misbehave, but they know that it is in love. I pray that we are able to keep that feeling as they get older and it gets harder, but starting early is the key.
Do your children misbehave more at home or out in public? What do you think of the explanation that "if your children are willing to let loose and misbehave at home, that means that they feel safe enough to do so"?
Comments (7)
That is interesting. I will have to remember that... definitely makes sense!
I never even thought of that. Not that my children are terrors at home, but sometimes they *are* kids...wow. What a new perspective!
Back when I was a young'in, I was the little well behaved child who got all A's and B's in school, but at home, I was a menace. I used to terrorize my little sister, steal cookies/other snacks, and just be a little brat (when my dad wasn't around, he could always keep me in line lol). When ever there were parent teacher conferences and the teachers told my mom how great and polite I was, she would just look at me and roll her eyes. It's interesting to know that there's a whole theory to that.
Quite often when we would visit my grandmother, my sisters and I misbehaved atrociously, because she was so kindhearted, she couldn't bear to punish us. My mother, on the other hand, had no qualms regarding wooden spoons and other forms of discipline, and implemented them frequently. This added a lot to our stress levels, and encouraged us to act out more when we had the freedom to do so. Walking on eggshells for my entire childhood, so it's not surprising that I would test the boundaries when given room to make choices without fear. I also had rather stubborn and rebellious sisters, so even though I wasn't in the least, I wasn't going to let htem have all the fun without me!
i've heard that before & ... sometimes ... with my two boys ... i just wanna pull my hair out but ... i can't win. maybe it's just a fight for attention or sometimes boredom for something new ... i dunno ...
interesting & thanks for reminder ... !!!
so true. when i was a pre-k teacher i would tell parents about their kid's day during pick-up, and the parents' response would usually be that they never do that at home...like helping to set the table, sweep the yard, etc.
That is very interesting, these children are going to grow up in this type of environment where they don't need to respect the ones they love the most. How in this world, these young adults will be able to show respect to their roommates or partners that they may have? We all know that family, a place where you call home, is a place for peace, comfort, it is the foundation of what these children are going to become. Take a moment, think about the memories your children are going to carry through life ( home is a place for screaming, yelling, hatred words, fighting) what kind of generation are we going to have? You mother, would like to have a
husband who is wonderful outside and a terror at home? or vice and verse. That is exactly the future we are offering to these kids who could become wonderful human beings.