Thursday, 21 August 2008
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Teenage Depression Should Not Be Ignored
by Mama Koala
Everyone goes through adolescence. For some, it's not a big deal, but for others, the teenage years are sometimes difficult to endure. Pressure to study or perform well, pressure to experience new things (some bad, some good), pressure to "look" or act a certain way... these are only some of the pressures that teenagers deal with. And it's often not gradual. One day you're a carefree child, the next you're suddenly aware of so much more going on around you.The problem is that teenagers who suddenly find themselves overwhelmed by the reality of life often don't have anyone to talk to. They could become depressed, and even suicidal. From my experience with youth and their parents over the years, I find that it's common for parents to simply think of their teenager's sudden change of behavior as "puberty" and not consider the possibility of real depression. Even more so, no one wants to believe that their child could be going through so much anguish mentally and emotionally that he/she doesn't want to live anymore. To be fair, usually the teen hides the depression (e.g. crying under the covers, but not in front of others), and all parents see are selfish outbursts of anger and frustration.
I write these things from experience. I was recently reminded of the 8th grade when I believed that taking my own life would be the right thing to do for me and my family. My reason: I felt that the world would be better off without me. Looking back, yes it was illogical and invalid. And the thing is, no one would have known that I had these thoughts. On the outside, my behavior was typical of a teenager. At home, I was a selfish brat who wanted her way, and alienated her parents because they didn't agree with what she wanted. With friends, I still had a good time and laughed lightheartedly at jokes. But on the inside, something was eating me up, and I felt hopeless, desperate, and unlovable...enough to want to end it all.
Years later, I am thankful for my experience. It taught me that you can't judge a book by its cover, and that a little bit of love and grace goes a long way. It's a lesson that I still remind myself of today, that teenagers are sometimes more complicated than they appear on the outside. Sometimes they ache so badly inside that they can't see hope for the future. And at times like that, it really does help to be shown some love and understanding. Teenage depression is real, and it should not be taken lightly. When there is a huge change in behavior, there usually is a reason behind it - it might not be a logical reason, but you can't always assume that a teenager is mature enough to discern whether or not his/her thoughts are logical and valid.
What were your teenage years like? Were you ever so overwhelmed with life that you became depressed, or maybe even suicidal? If so, what helped you come out of that depression?
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Comments (41)
As a teenager now dealing with depression, I find that the fact it isn't uncommon is disturbing. I don't like knowing that the pain I used to feel (as young as fifth grade) will stay with me (it's not just my age) and the fact that other people my age have to deal with it. I used to be so depressed, I'd yell and cry at my parents, I'd hook onto someone unreachable because I felt loved and cared for when I knew I was just going to win a second-place trophy, and it just burned me up inside. I'm fourteen now. I go to therapy every week, and I'm so much better from when I started. I've had so much progress from the last two marking periods of my freshman year, (I'm going to be a sophomore) but I know that I will have to face the stress and troubles of going back to school soon enough- but I know I can really make it through. I've found that I enjoy helping people more than I help myself, and though that was, essentially, the root of my problem, now I can use it in a way that doesn't end up hurting me in the long run. I lost many things in my way to happiness, though, and I used to cry every night or want to kill myself every day just to get out of losing everything close to me.
Watching the destructive surrounding crumple around me was so hard, because I had grown accustomed to being treated less than I should and being led on and being used. I was dependent on this because I felt cared about. I started medicine back up in the middle of my freshman year. I used to take it in 5th through 7th grade, but I asked to be taken off because I thought I was happy. I was for a year until I just had to shelter everything and become someone I wasn't. I've become stronger due to the held in emotions, but now I use that to listen to other people's problems and try to work them out. I haven't cried in a few months and I haven't wanted to die in those months. I've become happier over the summer. Everything is starting to fall into place, but I know I might fall back into my slump, so I need to stay positive.
It's going to be a struggle, but I CAN do it.
also a teenager, but i wouldn't call my depression medical. i have often taken many adult's cynical views on my angst and sadness and feel that it's pathetic to feel this way. i wish that my parents showed me a little more understanding...because even if it turns out to be stupid, i think it's more important that i'll still be around to look back on it.
i didn't deal with depression until college. it was a transition, living away from home (30 minutes, but still).
i got put on meds, and am happy. i'm off the meds now, and still doing well :)
Wow, it's nice to see understanding adults. I myself have an understanding Mom and I tell you, it does make a difference. It's enough to know that she's there if I need her. Being a teenager I know myself it is very real. I'm fortunate enough to know that suicide is an easy way out and not my thing. I do have friends who have contemplated it. It's important to be there for people who are having a hard time. I've been through rough times and still going through them, It's a very big change becoming an adult.
I dealt with depressing directly after hitting puberty. It was horrible! I even dropped out. But, I don't let people get to me. I'm not a good target for peer pressure, they'd fail miserably. I've learned to just be myself and I plan to stay that way. ^^ Any way, yea, it sucks being depressed and it is pretty bad for teenagers. I'd hate life if I gave in to peer pressure.
I went through small phases of depression in my pre-teen years, mostly over my appearance and feeling alone. But now I'm at the end of my teen years and although I've been dealing with depression for a while now, it's not the typical teen depression you would imagine.
After my pre-teen years I was the usual happy-go-lucky girl that I love to be. But since then, I've lost 4 babies, and that just completely changed me. For a long time I stayed depressed, and that happy-go-lucky girl was nowhere to be found. After losing my first child, I spiraled into a very deep depression that lasted at least a year. During that time I stopped praying and it wasn't getting any better. So I decided to put my trust back in God and start praying again. And things just gradually got better, although I was still depressed. I didn't have any help from friends or the father of my child, so I had to do it all alone. It was hell but it definitely made me stronger. I lost my last baby only a month ago and even though I was depressed for a few weeks, I've learned how to deal with these things on my own. I hate to admit, but yes I thought about suicide before. But if it's one thing that I learned from losing my son, is that no matter how dark it gets, there's always light somewhere on the other side.
In dealing with my losses, I've been constantly in and out of depression for over a year now and I thought about getting on medicine to help me out but I decided against it. I felt that I didn't want any chance of becoming dependent on anything else but my faith, because that's the only thing that's pulled me through these tough times.
But another issue that kept me depressed was with my parents. My moms an alcoholic and she and my dad don't get along at all. They're only together because of me, and so I'm the witness to lots of heated arguments. This is the more normal teenage reason for being depressed, I guess. I want them to be apart so they can do whatever they want and stop fighting with each other, but I'm not even sure if I can handle not having both parents in the house anymore...this is something that really gets me down sometimes, especially when they're arguing, but the only thing I do to keep me from stressing about it is to remember that I'm in school, and I have to focus on my education so that I can get where I want to go in life....if I let them stress me out, it could ruin my grades.
But I definitely agree with you. Teen depression should not be ignored. I know that I got through my troubles on my own, and it made me stronger, but I wouldn't recommend it for anyone. It's been 2 years since I lost my first child, and I'm still not able to be around children without getting emotional. I have serious issues with trust and letting myself get attached to people because I'm constantly afraid that the ones I love will leave me just like my children did. I always wonder how I would have turned out if someone had simply been there for me. But what I do know is that things couldn't be any worse.
If someone is depressed, don't be afraid to open the door for them to talk to you. You never know how much it could mean to them.
I was bullied every day for two-and-a-half years, and it was especially bad in my 8th grade year, the first year in a new school. There were a lot of days where I contemplated ending it all, but what kept me from doing it was (a.) knowing that it would have resulted in me not going to heaven (God considers willfull suicide a sin), (b.) the anguish caused to my family, and (c.) what my classmates at scho would've thought, and, if they were so bad while I was living, what horrible things would they say about me after I'd offed myself.
Looking back, I'm glad I fought through it. Prayer from family and friends helped tremendously, as did the love my Mom, Dad, and brother showed, and football and weight lifting were further stress relievers, weight lifting I still use as suc htoday.
As a depressed teenager, I will tell you- the parents make all the difference. They can either keep you in, or pull you out. Simple as that.
Excellent entry. I, too, experienced adolescent depression in 8th grade and part of 9th. My parents had no idea, everyone had some hardship when we moved then, but I was immobilized by the depression. They thought I was old enough to sign myself up for ballet after we moved to the [unfriendly] East Coast from the [friendly] West Coast. Instead, I never followed through and thereby lost out on my passion at the time. A passion that may have snapped me out of it.
I taught high school and middle school for 7 years. Adolescent depression is real. It's usually signalled by a drop in grades, or a terrible reduction in hygiene. Some parents should also look for telltale signs of drug abuse because many kids think "medicating" will be the easiest way to deal with their depression. Eating and sleeping patterns sometimes change as well.
@JandJinJapan@xanga - I'm so glad you pulled through it and can tell others about your success. Praise God!
Yes, indeedy, BigToePeople@xanga. Had it not been for God, I'd not be here today. In fact, there'd have been a Jessamine long before there'd been a Columbine, had it not been for God....
I delt with depression throughout my teenage years and I did the same thing, where I basically wore a mask to keep others from finding out. I came from a family where my parents only were together for us kids, my dad is a lot older then most parents and had, had several back surgeries and thus wasn't like a normal parent, and my mom suffered from some different psychological conditions one of which was depression, along with being an alcoholic. When things got bad I did turn to drinking when I was probably only 13, not partying just sitting in my room alone......then as I got a little older the doctors decided to check me out since conditions run in my mom's family, and then my depression was caught along with social anxiety disorder....so I was really lucky that my doctors were pro-active, but I know other's that weren't so lucky. So I think its a major issue that defintely needs to have more light shined on it.
My teenage years were rough. I was very depressed and suicidal, but my parents didn't take it seriously. They told me I had no reason to be depressed. I tried to take my life when I was 15, and my parents were really mad at me, and were embarrassed. It was pretty hurtful. If God hadn't intervened in my life at that point in time I probably would have tried to kill myself again.
When I was in middle school I found myself in a destructive relationship. The boy had lots of mental problems, and I was only thirteen. I became very depressed, I didnt really like to be around people. I didnt let my parents know either, they thought I was fine, untill they found lots of eyemakeup smears on my pillows.
I think that parents should talk to their children about the signs of depression, and the signes of a destructive relationship.
The first half of my teenage years were great, the second half not so much...but not because of typical circumstances; my first boyfriend was killed in a car accident when I was 16. The only thing that "worked" for me was time. Even the mere thought of understanding seemed like a joke; nobody knew a thing about what I was going through because they hadn't been there and done that. Eventually the pain wore down and figured out which way was up again on my own, but it took years and I still do not truly believe there was another way around it.
I was a depressed child in my middle school years. And for a span of 6 months, I was suicidal and I thought about it everyday. I started talking to my Dad about it and he helped me through it by genuinely understanding my issues and talking me through them. Thank goodness for my Papi.<3
My worst year with depression had to be 7th grade. I was self injuring at that time as well. I thought about comitting suicide all the time and I felt depressed all the time.
I don't even know what got me through it but it wasn't religion or anything like that.
I did see a therapist and it was nice having someone to talk to. That wasn't until 8th grade, I was self injuring but my depression wasn't as bad as it was in 7th grade.
@glorious_and_free@xanga - Yeah, my mom at first was like, "You have a great life. You have most of what you want and all of what you need. Why are you depressed?" They finally got a clue and sent me to a therapist.
Also two of my relatives had bipolar disorder and they figured if I took antidepressants (which my therapist recommended but I never took) I would be a zombie, I wouldn't be myself, and/or I would be dependent on them. I'm kind of grateful I didn't take them but my parent's logic was pretty flawed. Depression is pretty different from bipolar disorder.
My teenage years are going great, and I try to make watch the people I know to make sure they aren't hurting.
...wow, that sounds really cheesy.
I'm an observant person, that's it.
I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, depression, and eventually ADD as a twelve year old, but I don't these problems began because I was entering adolescence. Since mental illnesses such as depression and bipolar disorder run on both sides of my family, I'm almost entirely sure my problems stem from a chemical imbalance rather than outward factors. I think the stresses of the judging world of middle school helped accentuate my feelings, though.
I think people take depression too seriously, sometimes. These days it seems like everyone is popping into the psychiatrists office hoping for some pills to "cure" them because they've been feeling blue for a few weeks. For some reason, this upsets me, because it's not really like a cold or a bruise. It's not something that just happens and ends, healing quickly and leaving no scars.
I didn't find relief in the form of pills or therapy and I haven't returned since I was in middle school, and I'm almost a senior. Like most people with depression, I'll have depressive episodes that will spontaneously resolve themselves. During those episodes, however, the illness is truly crippling, debilitating.
I become sluggish and restless: I can't sleep, I either have no appetite or overeat, I lose desire in the things that I was working hard to achieve previously, and I become self loathing and feel guilty and worthless. I've been through phases where I am most certainly suicidal, most notably towards the end of my junior year, the middle of my eighth grade year, and the middle of my sophomore year.
Whenever the episodes resolve themselves, I feel like maybe I was just imagining things, or maybe I can snap myself out of it. I know it's foolish, but it's somehow easier to deal with that way. Like, saying "Oh, I'll never let that happen again," is much easier to face than, "There's something wrong with my brain and without help that I'm unwilling to accept, I'll never be able to get over this on my own."
I've lost years of my life to depression and fear that I could lose my entire life to it someday, too. That's not how I want it to be, obviously, but in the darker times my vision gets seemingly tunneled and I can't look to the future or think logically anymore. I do not tell my friends about this issue. Some know of it, but I don't delve deeper, and the only friend I've mentioned suicide to thinks those thoughts are all in the past.
I also want to clear up the misconception that your life has to be incredibly tragic in order to be legitimately and justifiably depressed. This is false; people from every background and economic status can become depressed, as it has to deal with brain chemistry more than anything else.
With that said, in conclusion, I wish their was something that would help me "come out of" the depression, but for now all I'm doing is sitting passively hoping that this year will be a good year, meaning I won't want to die. Wish me luck, please.
This is a great post.
It's difficult to talk to my parents if I'm feeling down because my mom would probably just say I'm overreacting or being overdramatic. My dad would make me feel selfish for feeling depressed when there's plenty of people out there who have it way worse than me. (Don't get me wrong, my parents aren't horrible or anything, but they're not the easiest people to talk to). I usually talk to my friends or my sister, even though, honestly, they never seem to really help either. It's still good to get some stuff off my chest. I've realized that if I hold my emotions in too long, somebody can do one little thing that upsets me and I just explode.
I think that who you surround yourself with also plays a role in your attitude. If you hang out with somebody who is depressed, they're more likely to make you feel depressed.
I used to cut myself and think of suicide all the time. I used to be ashamed to admit this, but not anymore. That's just how I handled some situations I didn't quite know how to handle otherwise. I haven't cut myself since February and I haven't been depressed for approximately 5 months now and I think I'm heading in the right direction. Everytime I feel the need to harm myself, I stop and think, "Is this really necessary?"
Anyway, I really believe that no matter what you go through, you'll get through it. You'll find happiness again. I've heard some people say happiness isn't permanent. But what in life is?
i hit depression when i was 16, and it got worse when i was introduced to the world of partying and alcohol. i OD-ed on paracetamols and alcohol when i was 17, because i was so angry at being misunderstood both in school, at home and with friends.
i was hospitalized for 2 weeks, and that was when the mom realized my problems. i began sorting out my life and by 18, i was pretty much out of depression.
im 20 now, and sometimes i still get periods of depression, but none as serious as when i was hospitalized. i guess when i outgrew teen yearts, i kinda outgrew depression too, or maybe i just learnt to deal with it in a more matured and "logical" way.
i never really regret going through it during my teens though. i believe all experiences in life are meant to shape you into who you are now
I'm 16, and within the past year I've been diagnosed with chronic clinical depression/anxiety, anorexia nervosa, and some sort of obsessive personality disorder. I was a self-injurer in the past.
In 7th grade, I told my parents I thought I was depressed and my father stormed out of the room saying, "You're not depressed."
Now I have doctors telling me I could die.
Teenage depression and other problems should never, ever be doubted or thought to be insignificant.
I was incredibly depressed as a teen, probably starting around the time I hit puberty. My parents thought I was just being a rebellious little snot and didn't take me seriously when I threatened to commit suicide. I went through a half-assed attempt, mainly out of spite, but they never knew and I never tried again.
Things calmed down some once I moved out of the house @ 15 (I went to an early college program), but I still suffered from mild depression. I dealt with it pretty well on my own for many years, but very recently I got fed up with it (it's been gradually getting worse) and saw my doctor. I'm starting on meds and hopefully they'll help, but I wish someone had seen my depression for what it was when I was a teen and gotten me help. By the time I realized what was going on (15/16), I was so distanced from my parents that I hid it.
I guess the good part of all of this is that I'll be well equipped to watch for depression in my own kids some day.