Friday, 15 August 2008

• That's What Friends Are For

  by Mama Koala

  

  Last weekend, a good non-mom friend of mine stayed with us and spent 24/7 with me and Baby Koala.  Papa Koala was busy, so it was the three of us most of the time.  It took hours to finally catch up on all the changes in our lives this year.  There were teary-eyed moments, but also laughter.  The best way I can describe the weekend is to say that it was truly therapeutic.  It made me miss being back in NY, where a good chat over a good meal with a good friend was something that was literally a phone call or email away.  But being miles away allows opportunities like last weekend, and I feel blessed to have friends who are willing to make the trip.

  I have always enjoyed girl time.  Even after I got married, I still had meal dates with my girlfriends after work, and occasionally went on day trips with them as well.  As a mother, I find that I still crave girl time.  Most of the friends who have known me the longest (and know me best) are not moms.  Hmm, maybe all.  I never worried that I'd lose my friends after becoming a mom, but I did sometimes wish that we were all going through life stages together.  I didn't spend that much time with moms before I became one, and I wasn't sure how much "mom talk" my non-mom friends could take.  I also wondered about how being a mom would affect how available I could be for my friends.

  Here's what I realized this week (I've realized it before too, but this week I felt it strongly).  Yes, I need mom friends who can relate and give me advice and hold me accountable.  Mom friends who don't mind talking about poo during lunch, "get" the unnecessary guilt and pressure that moms tend to place on themselves, and understand why you can't come to the phone a lot of the time.  However, I also still need my non-mom friends who have been with me since adolescence.  They know ME better than anyone who has met me in recent years, since they were right there when I was figuring out who I was and what I believe in (and making mistakes along the way!).  Perhaps they might not know me as a mom as well as my mom friends might, but when I get together with my non-mom friends, I just feel like ME.  Suddenly I can talk about things other than poop, babies, and lack of sleep, and I am reminded that I should make time to pursue other interests, such as watching the 2008 Summer Olympics (yay for On Demand playbacks!) or reading the Piper book that has been sitting on my nightstand.  Plus, what mom-friend would be able to come visit me here in the suburbs for days?!  The older we get, it's just a fact of life that friends do not go through life stages all at the same time.  Some get married, some don't.  Some have kids, some don't.  Some move away, some never leave their hometown.  But that doesn't mean you can't still be friends, even best friends.

  Besides my therapeutic weekend, I also had the opportunity to talk to another dear non-mom friend over the phone this week.  Here's what a part of the conversation was like:

  Friend: Would you ever want to go away for a weekend with just your husband?  Leave the baby with someone else?
  Me: Hmm, I guess, but I don't see how...
  Friend: I would love to do that for you.  If you're okay with leaving her, I could take care of Baby Koala for a couple of days.  I'd love to!
  Me: Whoa you'd do that?!

  And after I got off the phone, I just wanted to cry.  Motherhood has been pretty overwhelming at times, and it hasn't helped that this summer has been so crazy busy.  I've recently been feeling the need for a break, but I've tried to ignore it and push it aside.  My wonderful friends have helped me release all that pent up emotion, and I am so grateful.  I don't know if I would take her up on her generous offer, but it's incredible to know that my friend wants me to have that option.  God gives me these therapeutic moments when I need it most, and I feel lighter and ready to face life's challenges again (including the mounds of laundry sitting in my room).  Papa Koala was away on a trip for 4 days since Monday, but it was a good 4 days.  Usually I'm burnt out and ready to collapse by the time he gets home from a trip, but this week was different.  It was good to have him home yesterday, but I could have done it alone for a little longer I think.  Sometimes all it takes is a good chat to help me get out of a funk.

  Are your close friends in the same life stage as you are?  If not, how do you keep that from causing you to grow distant from them?

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