by babyfever25
In this New York Times article, the issue of children being left alone at a young age is addressed. Although this is somewhat of a controversy, depending on the child's age, there is no definite solution. As stated in the article, Maryland specifies that if a child under 8 years old is left without supervision from a parent or babysitter (needs to be at least 13 years old), it is illegal and the parents will be held accountable. However, most states do not have such a law.
A Queens mother expressed how scared her 11-year-old son was when she left him alone to do some shopping:
“All the while I was out, I kept looking at the watch and listening for my phone,” she said. “He called me four times in an hour: ‘When are you coming home? Where are you? Are you on line yet? Did you leave the store yet?’ It made me so nervous, I just browsed and left.” Although some mothers are iffy about leaving their children alone, especially if they are afraid, for others, there is simply no other choice, especially since it's difficult to find babysitters because of camp, school, and work. So they try to teach their children, at a young age, how to be independent and how to behave when there's no one home to watch them.
One mother mentions, "
They are under strict orders to stay in the house, with the doors locked. They cannot have friends over (she sometimes checks in and brings them food during her lunch hour). They cannot go in the swimming pool in the backyard. And they cannot answer the door. She even said to her children, 'I don’t care who’s at the door. If your uncle’s at the door, you don’t open it unless you call me.'”At what age did/would you start leaving your children alone at home? What rules do/would you set for them?
Comments (42)
It's something that depends on the maturity of the child in question. I think my mother started leaving me at home alone when I was 7 or 8. We weren't allowed to answer the phone unless it was my mother, or answer the door, at all. If someone knocked at the door, we were supposed to pretend we weren't there.
Obviously, for some kids, parents should wait a few more years.
At what age did/would you start leaving your children alone at home? I haven't yet. They are 7,6 and 4.
Not sure what age i will allow it.
We were allowed to stay home alone between 9 and 10 years of age. But we could only "watch" our younger siblings when we got to be 12 or older. I remember being scared as a youngster when Mom left us at home so I'll probably er on the side of caution when my kids get old enough.
The National SAFEKIDS Campaign recommends that
no child under the age of 12be left at home alone.
It is important for any youngster who is trusted to be home alone to know key identification information -- the home address, parents' work numbers, and the name and phone number of a neighbor or responsible adult nearby.
# Establish "House Rules." Write them down, post them, and review them periodically. Consider including homework and chores, using the phone, computer or kitchen appliances.
# Stress early on that parents should not be called to settle minor sibling disputes and disagreements. These can be addressed in the evening or at special weekly "meetings" held for just that purpose.
# Practice emergency procedures, including calling 9-1-1. Don't assume that youngsters will know what to say on the phone in the event of an emergency, so rehearse some possible situations and talk about what you would expect them to do in each one.
# Do some role playing to make children comfortable answering phone calls and taking messages, as well as dealing with things like peer pressure (other kids wanting to come inside) and strangers.
# If you have a change of plans, or if you are not going to return home when you said you would, call and reassure your children. They tend to worry when things don't go according to plan, and a lack of information can cause them to panic.
# There are many occasions during the school year when youngsters have after school activities. Be sure to discuss each day's schedule -- including all transportation plans -- so that parent's won't worry if the "safe home" message is not received when expected.
# Try to avoid placing too much responsibility on a young child and listen carefully when a "home alone-er" wants to share concerns or problems.
I was always a very mature kid. So much so that, at eleven years old, I was babysitting other children while their mother and father were at work about 3 times a week (the children were 7, 5, and 2). We didn't have any problems, and there wasn't any fear involved. Sometimes the work night would run 'til 9ish, 10 o'clock, but it wasn't a big deal. I kept the kids inside as it turned dark, they were fed, the house was picked up a bit, and then I just waited 'til the parents came home. It was a really good experience for me, actually.
I suppose what I'm trying to say, in my long-winded way, is that it really depends on the maturity of the child in question.
We started staying home alone pretty young. I think something like 6,8, and 10? There were three of us though and we lived on base and this was a while back when things were safer and we weren't alone that long, maybe an hour or two after school. I don't think we're ever going to let our daughter stay home alone. There's really no reason to.
omg my oldest son is 8. i don't think i could leave him alone til maybe 12? i know my parents left us home alone at a lot younger age... but times were difficult for them and they had no choice. thank god nothing has ever happened to us!!
I wasn't allowed to stay home alone until I was around 12 years old. Like others mentioned, it does depend on the child's maturity, but also your location. Are the neighbors around you friendly and trustworthy, do you live in a rural or urban area, etc etc. There are a lot of factors that can play into how to know when you can leave a child alone.
I also like the idea of doing a few "test runs", such as running to the grocery store for a short amount of time and leaving the child alone to see if they handle it well, or going out a few hours and returning home, then discussing it with the child. Having house rules and guidelines is also excellent too, my parents did that for my brother and me.
I live in Maryland, and I don't know if my parents knew about the law, but I was hope alone in the mornings before school in 4th and 5th grade, and in the afternoons throughout middle and highschool.
by law you can stay home at age 13
I started staying home alone at about 10. My first time being home alone over night was at twelve. But I knew who to call if something happened or I didn't want to be by myself anymore.
I was fine being home on my own. I made dinner, went to bed on time, and got up and went to school the next day. No biggie. But I am trustworthy. I think the age depends on the child.
I lived in a rural town of around 500 people when I was younger. One where everyone knew each other and kept an eye out for one another and what not. I was a mature little kid and my mom would leave me at home alone when I was 8 and she was taking my brothers somewhere I didn't want to go. She would always call one of the neighbors though to let them know I was there, that way if I had any problems I could call them or run across the field to their house. I never did have any issues though, and when I turned 11 I started watching my two younger brothers & by the time I was 13 I was babysitting for families with as many as 5 kids. My brothers on the other hand weren't allowed to stay home alone till they were 12. Actually I don't know if my youngest brother has truly ever been home alone for more then like an hour and he's 17. Not on purpose or anything just with everyone living in our house and how close he was with our middle brother they usually spend all their time together.
i don't think there's an age that a child should be left home alone. it depends on how mature the child is and where you live.
I vaguely remember my parents leaving me with my twin, sister, and brother (or maybe not the younger two) when I was...couldn't have been more than 8.
I look back at what I (and, perhaps, my contemporaries) were trusted with in the late 80s and wonder whether America was crazy then in trusting kids too much, or crazy now in delaying independence.
In any case, I'm not leaving my 8 year old alone with her sibs (except when I'm hanging clothes on my clothesline.)
My mom started leaving me home alone around 9 or 10 years old. I've got a looooong time before I have to think about that with Megan, but I do think it depends on the kid. I know some kids that shouldn't be left home alone at 10, 12, or even 14! And others that were okay to stay home by themselves at 7 or 8 without getting into anything or burning the house down.
It depends much more on the child's maturity than it does there age. When I have kids, I don't intend on a set age so much as when they seem ready to be on their own.
I've always been mature for my age, so when I was about eight, I would be watching (4) younger siblings for short periods of time, and also be in charge of some kids around my age that my mom baby-sat. Two hours at most.
If it was something longer than a few hours, we'd get a real baby-sitter to watch my younger siblings, and that probably lasted until I was thirteen.
When I was twelve or thirteen, I would regularly baby-sit a two year
old and a five month old, in a trailer that didn't have working
plumbing in the winter. To go to the bathroom was a ten minute walk in
the cold. Was it an issue? Not at all. I was totally fine with it, and
no problems ever arose.
For the past two or three years, I've had disciplinary rights on par with my parents. I'm allowed to ground them, send them to their room, etc. Of course, if they disagree with me, they can over-rule when they get home, but that rarely happens. I'm not allowed to hit them, but if I do, they hear all sides and decide whether or not I was out-of-line.
I think the sister just younger than me (now 16) started watching kids around the same age I did, maybe a little later, but just because if I was home, I'd be in charge.
The middle child in my family turned thirteen earlier this month and has only recently been allowed to baby-sit my nine year old brother and ten year old sister.
The younger two are only allowed to be home without someone else for a couple hours at most, and only then when everyone else is busy. That didn't start until recently, too, when it occurred to my mother that I was able to watch siblings at their age without problem.
The nine year old can spend hours on video games and not even realize he's alone though... Mom once didn't realize that my boyfriend and I had left, and she left him here alone. lol
I don't really trust the younger three though. But Mom and Dad sort of do, so it's not my call.
But I also know a fifteen-year-old who should not be left on his own, even for only an hour.
when i was 11, me and my twin brother we're home alone for 5 minutes after school. my dad never left me all alone..usually i either had my twin or my brother who is 3 years older. He might've started to leave me alone at about 12..and then at 13 I officially was able to be home alone. Now at 16..i'm lucky if he even comes home at night sometimes.
I don't think you should ever leave children home alone no matter how mature they are. Twelve and over is preferable I think and less dangerous. Still even at that age could the child know what to do if there was a fire or a strange at the door trying to break in?
it would kind of depend on how long i was planning on being gone. if i was running a few errands during the day than maybe 10 or 11 would be old enough. but if i was at work all day or out till late at night, they'd have to be at least 13. but i do remember when i was as young as 10, i would babysit my cousins every saturday night. and it would be from 6 to at least 10 most of the time.
I don't remember how old I was when my mom started leaving me at home alone. It was old enough where I was at an age where I was comfortable that if I was dying or something, I would be able to take care of it - probably 12 or 13. My sister is 13 now and I leave her here alone all the time when mom is at work and I have to go somewhere... although I don't know if my mother knows about that. Haha. At any rate, sister is okay with being left alone.
As for rules, I don't think anyone has ever given me any. Probably the usual - no drinking, no drugs. Friends are okay, but no parties. No boys in the bedroom with the door closed. Just normal house rules.
I think age is a difficult thing to choose as it really depends on the child. My parents started doing it when I was 10ish and my sister 9. It was never an issue for me, and it never bothered me. I would have been fine alone. My sister didn't like it much. The year after when I started secondary school and wanted to do things with friends in school holidays I couldn't as she wouldn't stay home alone. I was bitter about that as an 11 year old. We were old enough to take care of ourselves, but my sister wasn't comfortable with it completely alone. Even now she's 17 if everyone else is staying out overnight she will have a friend over and doesn't like it alone. I probably would have friends over, but being alone wouldn't be an issue.
As I recall we had a few rules. We should answer the phone as it was probably our parents. We could answer the door if we wanted to, but didn't have to. We weren't allowed to go in the bath in case we were to hit our head or slip. Other than that... I think parents know when their children are old enough to be alone. More than one child of similar age I think makes it easier. I think 8 was a good guess, much younger and they still are very young.
I was 11 I think... it was always a little iffy leaving me home alone because my sibs were always there too. Now I really am only home to sleep. I adore being left home alone for a couple of days though... you kind of get a sense of how it's like to have your own place which is fun. =}
Mom and Dad started leaving my brother and me at home when my brother was 10, and I was 9, with the rule that my older brother was in charge (but he couldn't Lord it over me). We were not to answer the door, unless it was someone we knew, nor answer the phone, we were to do our homework, then finish our chores (wash the dishes, vacuum the floors, take out the trash, finish and fold the laundry, make sure our room was clean and beds made), have the table set and the dinner drink (usually iced tea) ready when Mom came home (otherwise, Mom didn't have to cook, which, if she didn't, Dad got upset at us when he came home). It worked out just fine.
sri ur thoughts had value and can kinda help set boundries and help new parents but honestly i really think it depends on the child and the trust there is between the kid and parents
i am 12 and i can stay home alone and babysit but i know some people who are my age eho i dont think are mature enough to babysit
so i really think it really depends on the trust and how mature the kid is
The whole ''Madeleine'' news was all over the place and I was thinking about what age to leave the kids home thing, but seriously you never know what could happen. The other day someone was knocking at our door and I didn't want to open but the knocks were so bad and loud...I said 'Who is it?'' 'police, open the door'' Turns out the building next to ours was burning! So I really don't think if I left a kid there, they would open because it is a suspicious person knocking your door down and you wouldn't necessarily believe him. What if it was something worse? I think if it can be avoided it's best. Otherwise when they are maybe 14/15? Definitely teenagers.