haha. I love it!!! I am going to have to try the hand thing. You are a genious!  I am one of those weird people who find these topics wonderful. I have 4 kids, and you are right, what works for one will not work for another. I spanked my first son for throwing temper tantrums, and it worked great. My second son would go into hystarics if I spanked him in the middle of a fit, so I had to put him in his crib and he ended up ripping the side of it off, but he has a much better control over his temper now.
   I was complaining over how my kids just follow me around messing up what I just cleaned. My mom told me to have them clean their room, and then dump their toy box out, and have them clean it again, and then explain to them thats what happens to me when they do what they do. Haven't tried it yet, but I will. Thanks for the different ideas.

I also don't think chores should be used as punishment.  When I left the house, I had to get over the notion of chores being bad because I had to do more when I misbehaved.

Love your ideas.  We're working on this type of discipline - rather than just putting our 3 year old in time-out for everything or spanking him, I'm trying to make the punishment fit the crime.  One example - he has recently started running into rooms and slamming the doors.  With his 16 month old sister usually following close behind.  I just KNOW she's going to get her fingers caught.  So now when he slams the door he has to open and close it the right way 5 times before he can do anything else.

I actually think the tying his hands idea is fabulous.....

@tedder6@xanga - My kids sometimes think M-O-M spells Maid and since I have OCD my house is always clean. They think Im just supposed to clean after them. Now, if its on the floor and they were supposed to clean, it goes in the trash. I dont say anyhting I just go grab a trash bag and tell them to throw it in there and make them watch me put it in the trash. Ive only had to do that 2 times but it works really well.

my cousin wouldnt put her clothse on to go to school, she would trow temper fits. My aunt and uncle told her that she was going to have to go to school naked, she then got dressed everyday.

@jemaigrirai@xanga - See, but my kids actually say "I'm bored. I have nothing to do." I point out that they have shelf full of games they could play, a drawer and box full of craft supplies, a backyard full of toys and a room full of toys and they say 'But I don't wanna do any of that!' I tell them they can do a chore if then, since they seem to have nothing better to do with their time. I can not always entertain my kids - they need to learn to entertain themselves. And they also need to learn that there are things in life that aren't all that exciting. When we are at a wedding or something and they are bored, I tell them I am sorry and I know it isn't fun, but this is something we need to do. But when they are in the house with a ridiculous amount of things to do, complaining about having nothing to do is not acceptable to me.

As for chores being used as punishment...they have their chores they are assigned to do and this is just part of life. We make messes (toys, dishes, laundry, dirty floors), we have to clean them up. They can earn some money if the choose to do things beyond the expected and they can 'earn' chores if they choose to do something unacceptable. I was raised this way and I did not at all grow up thinking that chores were bad - they are just a part of life. There are many 'adult' situations where you will 'earn' yourself extra work if you don't do what is expected of you. So why is this a bad 'system' to use with our kids?

UR way of Disapline seems to work very well for you.

I have a friend, who has a list on his fridge & the child is reminded @ the begining of each day of what will happen if he does a certain thing: In otherwords the child is required to read that list, I suppose when he wasn't old enough to read it, that the parents read it to him in the mornings, before the day started & went over it with him.  So, the child was well aware of what was coming had he of done something wrong.

This was the Disapline for their Nephew, when he came over & now they have a child of their own, to implement these rules on.

Disapline is important: it is what helps shape the child, into what he/she will become.  They need to know the boundaries & stay within them.  They need to know the difference between right & wrong.

No matter what anyone thinks, disapline/correction is not child abuse.  Unfortunately, the world looks @ it in the wrong light & those that choose not to disapline/correct their child will have their own reward: they will have an unruly child that will take over the household & they will in turn not have any respect for their parents: I've seen the lack of respect from an unruly child in the stores with their mothers.  The child knows he/she can get away with it, so they hit their mother right in the store.  Soon, that child will believe he/she can get his/her way & will be running the parents over with a buldoser: Mental &/or physically. 

It is very a very sad thing when the parent doesn't disapline their child.  I believe before going to the store, my mother made it known to us what our form of disapline would be had we of acted up in the store.

We were taken out of the store: the basket was left behind, & we were disaplined outside the store, near or in our car. 

Unfortunately, times have changed & this most likely would of been more then frowned at.  For you are surrounded by many people who frown at disapline.

When I come across a parent disaplining there child, I tell them good for you for doing the right thing.

I believe you are on the right track with this creative disapline. 

Our Pastor would make his children go to their rooms, & then he'd soon come up & give them the appropriate disapline & he'd also read/or have them read the bible verse that shows that disapline/corrections are needed.

P.S.  I've seen some parents correct the wrong child: if their child was acting wrong & the child whom they were in charge of, the other child would get the disapline.  This is wrong & only shows the children that he can do no wrong: as a result of being there child.  None of us want to admit that our child is doing wrong, however we must face reality & take care of it appropriately.  Parents who choose to over look the facts, will pay for it later: for their child will become unruly & do whatever they want & then the parents will have wished they disaplined there child appropriately.

You go!!!!!

My parents had to be creative like that with me cuz I was so hard to discipline!!!  But my brother...she just had to talk with him and he behaved...so yes, each kid is different

As far as child abuse...it wasn't like you were gonna chop hit hands off (which is a natural consequence in some countries to doign bad things wiht your hands...not that I'm saying thats okay)

I really really like the idea of finding "punishments" that are natural consequences to the actions that came before them, which is pretty much exactly what you've described.  I've known preschool teachers that followed a similar take, where if the kid was acting out they had to hold the teacher's hand (or hold on to her pocket) and stay by her side for a certain amount of time. 

It just makes so much more sense when the "punishment" actually relates to the "crime" and helps teach about how every action in life has natural consequences.  You won't always be put in "time out" but if you screw up life WILL make you clean up your mess. 

An interesting thing my pastor said once is that he will not spank with his hand, ever.  He says he never wanted his kids to be scared of their daddy's hand.  So he had a little switch to use instead.  Yes, switches and sticks or whatnot can be a little more painful, but it might be worth it to not have them ever fear your hand.

I was spanked many times in my growingup years.  I've turned out fine.  I willl spank my kids, I expect, but I am liking this 'creative discipline' list of thoughts. : )  I'm only 17, so there's time to find some good ideas.

Laura

(sighs) I hear you... =]

Being a mother is waaaaay harder than I EVER thought it would be. (and I grew up around kids all my life) It has stretched me beyond what I thought I could be stretched. However, it has also been the most rewarding part of my life. I love my precious kiddos.

I have an aversion to spanking... although I have done it in very rare moments. Spanking can change the behavior and get an immediate response, but I don't know that it really deals with WHY the child has misbehaved. I think in the long run, it makes the child resentful.

The first thing I do, is get down on my knees and look at them at eye level. I make them maintain eye contact with me, so I know I have their complete attention.

I try to get inside their little heads (which I realize this really only starts to work when you can actually dialogue with them) and get them to understand how they could've responded in a differnt manner. I also try to fit the punishment with the behavior... I have found that's most effective.

The best tool I have found for breaking up fights is to make them sit, knee to knee, and look at each other's eyes for a couple minutes. It doesn't take 30 seconds before they start to snicker and before long they're practically falling off their chairs with laughter. Then we can discuss what happened, a lot more clearly.

I have found that usually we parents tend to blow things out of proportion and if we take a breath, and try to remember what it's like to be a child, it helps us to keep perspective.

When in Korea teaching at a Summer Camp at a University for English, my way of discipline was to have the students stand facing the wall, with their hands stretched out and up over their heads for any number of minutes.  It worked pretty well.

Dad, when I was growing up, once told me to sit at the table and "do nothing" for three hours.  This was because when he and Mom came home, and he asked me what I'd done instead of my chores, homework, and other responsibilities, I said, "nothing".  So, for three hours, I sat and did nothing: no sleeping, no reading a book, no writing, really and literally NOTHING.  He would come by a few times, and, if I was reading or sleeping or writing, he'd set all objects aside, wake me up, or take away my book, and say, "I told you to do 'nothing!'  Sleeping, reading, writing are all 'something'.  Your punishment is to do 'nothing', so nothing you will do!"  He only had to use that form of punishment with me ONCE!!!!!  It was the hardest punishment I've really ever had!  It is hard to do nothing for ten minutes, let alone for three hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And pardon me for disagreeing with the list a bit, but making the children do a chore as a punishment, in my opinion, is not a good idea.  Having chores and work around the house is really a good idea for teaching children the value of work.  Its like using running or sprinting in sports as a punishment.  Sprinting and running are really good things, when you think about it, because it makes the player and the team stronger.  Placing a negative connotation on something that is meant to be positive destroys the lesson later.  We only had to do work if we made a mess. On all other occasions, work was never involved, and, actually, doing nothing was usually how we were punished, like sitting in a chair, or no television, or no reading books for fun for periods of time, after we grew out of being spanked.

In one of my education classes, we were taught to tell the kids that "only boring kids get bored" and to assign them something to do around the classroom (for example, I will have them organize the books or clean up the art area). Not only does it take care of another little thing you don't have time to do, but it also encourages them to find a way to entertain themself from now on.