Tuesday, 12 August 2008
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Are You For or Against Co-Sleeping?
by Mama Fox 
We are co-sleepers at the moment. I feel it is a natural thing for a baby to sleep with his/her mama. It allows both mother and child to sleep better, especially if you are breastfeeding. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could just roll over, lift your shirt, have the baby latch on, and go back to sleep? You don't even have to get up or turn on a light. Heck, that's almost reason enough to breastfeed... more sleep.
I've heard that co-sleeping, if done safely, may actually reduce SIDS. A baby will regulate his breathing to those around him. That would be hard to do all alone in a room across the house. Also, a co-sleeping mother is in tune with her baby and will awaken if there's a change. Recently, on a family bed message board, a mother woke suddenly and found her baby had vomited in her sleep and was still laying on her back, not breathing. Because of the mother's quick reaction, her baby is fine. What if the baby was asleep in the other room? Would the mother had woken up and checked on her in time? Hard to say but it's hard to believe that co-sleeping didn't save that baby's life. Rooming in (where the baby has a separate bed but in the same room with the parents) would have the same result.Many people warn against the dangers of co-sleeping. "You'll roll over your baby and suffocate him!" Some even pull out, "You'll never get them out of your bed!" or "Co-sleeping ruins marriages." I say you do what you feel is right to do -- co-sleeping, crib sleeping, or somewhere in between. Right now, we are in a transition from co-sleeping to rooming in. We have his floor bed near my side of the bed, which I hope he'll be sleeping on soon. While I still feel it's best for baby to be in the family bed, I also have to consider the kind of sleep all of us are getting. Ethan sleeps good at night but doesn't nap well because I can't lay down with him and stay there for 2 hours, twice a day. Mike and I are getting awful sleep and want to be able to cuddle up again. I'm hoping that with the switch everyone will be sleeping better.
As with everything with babies, it needs to be done safely.
Co-sleeping safety:- For parents who smoke, drink, or are unusually heavy sleepers, or use any kind of drugs that inhibit arousal from sleep, co-sleeping on the same surface with a baby is not recommended. For these parents, having their child sleep on a separate surface near them, such as a cradle or bassinet, will protect the baby from overlaying while still providing the baby with many of the same benefits as co-sleeping.
- Make sure the surface your baby sleeps on is firm. Avoid water beds, lambskins, and other soft bedding for your baby. Stuffed animals and toys should be kept out of the baby's sleep environment.
- Don't give pillows to babies or young toddlers, and keep their faces away from your pillow. Keep blankets away from babies' faces, too.
- Co-sleeping babies are kept warmer than solitary sleeping babies, so they need lighter blankets and pajamas. (Being too warm may be a factor in SIDS.)
- Toddlers should not be allowed to sleep next to infants because they sleep deeply and are not as aware of what is around them. Instead, either the infant or the toddler can sleep on a separate surface next to the family bed — the infant in a co-sleeper, crib, or bassinet; the toddler in a toddler bed or mattress on the floor.
- Headboards, foot boards, and side rails can be unsafe, especially if a baby is left alone in bed with these trappings. One of the most dangerous situations for young children is getting their heads wedged in furniture. Make sure the child's head can't fit between the side rail and any surrounding surfaces. If a parent is using a crib as a sidecar, make sure the two mattresses are on the same level and held tightly together, so there is no space that a baby could slip into. If a bed is up against a wall, ensure that there are no gaps in which a child's head can get trapped. Another option is to put the mattress right on the floor, so that side rails are not necessary to prevent a baby from falling off the bed.
- Do not sleep on the sofa with your baby, or leave a sleeping baby alone on a sofa.
- Do not leave a baby unattended in an adult bed. The benefits of the family bed exist only when the parents are there with the child. If the parents want some adult time while baby sleeps, the child should be put somewhere else, such as a crib, bassinet, or mattress on the floor, until the parents are ready for him to join them.
- Childproof the room the baby is sleeping in and any rooms he/she will have access to. Imagine your baby waking up and crawling around in the middle of the night while you're sleeping. Make sure they can do so safely. Have night lights.
- Same with both co sleeping and crib sleeping... use a firm mattress, no pillows, stuffed animals, or thick blankets.
- Dress baby appropriately.
- Be sure to place your baby on his/her side or back when sleeping.
- Make sure the crib has bars, which are no more than 2 3/8 inches apart. Many older cribs or cradles may have sentimental meaning but just aren't safe for baby. If the bars are further apart, your baby's head may become caught between the bars.
- Make sure the mattress fits snugly against the frame of the bed. Large gaps between the frame and mattress may allow the baby to slide between. You should not be able to place two fingers side by side between the mattress and the bed sides.
- A wide base is necessary for a cradle or bassinet. This will make it sturdy and more stable.
- Although cute and decorative, bumper pads, pillows, and quilts should not be used in your baby's bed.
- Eliminate stuffed toys from the baby's bed.
- Look at the placement of the bed in the room. Are there electrical cords, lamps, or cords from window shades, which your baby might be able to reach?
- Don't place the crib against a window.
- The mattress should be firm. It should not have any sunken places from overuse. The mattress should be the right size for the bed you are using.
- When using a cradle or bassinet, make sure you move your baby to a regular crib when he/she is about 3-4 months old.
- Although your old crib or bassinet may not be a problem with the width of the bars, the paint on it may contain lead. Many older cribs and bassinets have paint, which does contain high levels of lead. Exposure to lead can make your baby very sick.
- Never use a basket, which was not made to be a bassinet as a bed for baby. Loose materials, such as wicker, may scratch your baby.
- Never hang toys or other objects across the rails of the bed. Your baby could get caught.
Do you support co-sleeping, or are you against it? What influenced your decision?
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Comments (65)
I am a firm believer in co-sleeping. It definitely created more of a bond between us. I sometimes miss having her in bed with me, what with her Daddy being deployed in Iraq, but it gets quite uncomfortable the bigger she gets. We still nap together in the afternoon when I get the chance and it's the highlight of my week.
I started her off in a bassinet right next to my bed so I could always listen to her incase anything was to go array with her. It was quite nice because I breast fed her and all I had to do at 3 o'clock was roll over, put her in the bed with me, and yanno, let her feast until she was done. I was free to fall back asleep, and then when the tugging quit I would put her back into her own bed. It ended quite nicely, I never had to break her from co-sleeping.I am so incredibly paranoid about rolling over on to Newbaby that I end up not sleeping while he's in the bed. He hated the bassinet, but took to the crib quite well. I'm sure cosleep works for some, it's just not our bag.
lol the bed isn't the only place for... erm. I co slept with my kids, co-sleep with my daughter. My husband is far far away right now, so it's cool. My older kids sleep in their own beds now. No problems there.
I feel every parent is guilty of doing occasional co-sleeping (pics of moms and dads with newborns sleeping together on a sofa or recliner litter the internet). To me, co-sleeping benefits the parent more than the child (newborns really don't care where they sleep - in a crib, in a car seat, etc) -- and from my experience, the people I've encountered who advocated co-sleeping on a nightly basis thinks this activity makes them a better parent which absolutely has no merit in my opinion.
However, it you want to do co-sleeping, I think it's important that it be limited to only the first few months (you want your children to be independent - not co-dependent.) and done safely (cribs were invented because roll-over was such a common problem - I watched an episode of Dr. Baden on HBO who was investigating the mysterious death of a mother's newborn twins. There were 4 possibilities for why the children died, but seeing that the mother believed whole-heartedly that co-sleeping made her a better mother and that she had been drinking the night of their mysterious death -- their deaths looked like a case of roll-over -- very, very sad. link)
I have my son co sleep with us for a few hours a day. I like to provide that sense of closeness when i'm too tire to hold him.
We didn't have a choice. We were all crammed into a house like sardines, and we didn't even have our own bed frame, let alone a baby bed. We sleep on a mattress on the floor, and we put the little guy on a folded blanket right up next to us. It worked perfectly - I only had to wake up long enough to position him for feeding before I went right back to sleep. Soon, he even figured out to help himself!
Why did we stop? Every morning at 8, I woke up to find him sitting on my head. Cute the first time, annoying the next few months. As soon as he was weened, he was out!
@alaskamommy@xanga - we're the same way...but not for the nursing because M was just done with it after 13 months.
it's pretty scattered...sometimes she falls back asleep by herself. i used to rock her back, but that would take too long and i was tired, so i brought her to our bed. she was out like a light. if i'm not too tired i manage to put her back in her crib in the other room, but most of the time she ends up staying, but it's just 2-3 hours before morning time anyway. this actually didn't start until she was about 15 months. she's okay with being put back into the crib too, but that would mean me getting up again. no thanks.
I am with you on the co-sleeping... we co-slept with all three of our boys. With the first, we had his special room set up across the hall with the crib and we used it all of two nights before I said, "Forget this!" and brought him next to me. The monitor drove me crazy! Since I breastfed, like you mentioned, it is much easier on my sleep schedule, and the baby seemed to be more restful too.
As far as people who say "you never get the baby out of your bed", which I have heard ALOT directed towards me, my comments were to say that when I do (and did) move them out of our bed/room into their own, they were around 2 years old and able to understand me when I left them alone in a room to go to sleep. I personally felt more comfortable with that than an infant, who can't understand why he's being left alone in the dark. We always made a big deal of the transition, got them a new blanket, and left the door open to them climbing in with us if they needed to. Right now we are in pre-transition with the youngest, who is almost 2. He goes to sleep in his own bed across our bedroom, and some nights here and there he'll climb into our actual bed, but pretty soon he won't and then he'll make the move to his own room. I think its kind of silly to say they'll never leave your bed... how many (healthy) 40 year olds do you know who sleep with their mothers?
LOL
@jerajdai@xanga - the key item in that sad sad story is the drinking. All but less than 1% of suspected rollover cases had alcohol or drugs involved (even some mental instability). I think that is something people don't always realize. But it is important to point out. Saying a sleeping person without any of these factors will roll over the baby is like saying I shouldn't sleep with my husband because I might roll over him. You kind of know there's another person there with you. Unless you have night terrors or some other thing like that, it really isn't a fear people should have.
@VampireOfSeduction@xanga - There's really no "move them by X time". It's just whenever it fits your family. My baby is almost 10 months old now and we are transitioning him from co sleeping to his own bed in our room. Maybe next month, his bed will be moved to his own room. He is showing no real objection to it and the move was mostly considered because of the poor sleep my husband and I are/were getting since our little one started to wiggle more in his sleep. It wasn't working for everyone anymore so we changed it.
That's really the best guideline. Everyone's needs and feelings need to be considered and find middle ground.
I co-sleep with my daughter, and it has made nursing so much easier. She sleeps very well, and it melts me heart to wake up to her smiling face thisclose to mine.
@mamafox - Thanks. I suppose my main fear would be waiting too long, and then it becoming a giant pain in the butt to get them to their own bed/room.
I am seriously considering doing that Montessori thing when we get around to having kids! I'd like to do a bassinet in our room when the baby first comes, and then do Montessori later on. Thank you so much for this list! I have half a mind to print it out and safe it for later!
@mamaseahorse - People tend not to roll over on another adult in bed because of their size - you'd bump into, not really roll over. And let's say you did roll over onto an adult in bed - they can push you off.
Regardless - I have to agree - most people would tend to sleep lighter because they have that realization of a baby is in the bed. Like I said - co-sleeping, if done safely, is fine.
Regarding the people who said "you never get the baby out of your bed" -- I think it's a good that you encouraged your children to be independent at 2 and start sleeping in their own room. Although, if they were in a crib in their own room from the beginning, this isn't a phase you'd have to deal with - that level of independence would have been instilled by then, not being learned. Regardless, kudos to you - you should always do what's best for your child instead of trying to make other people happy. Especially with so many sick/crazy people out there (ex: pedophiles), having your child sleep with you for those 2 years definitely guarantees that they're safe.