Tuesday, 12 August 2008

  • Are You For or Against Co-Sleeping?

    Mama Foxby Mama Fox

    We are co-sleepers at the moment. I feel it is a natural thing for a baby to sleep with his/her mama. It allows both mother and child to sleep better, especially if you are breastfeeding. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could just roll over, lift your shirt, have the baby latch on, and go back to sleep? You don't even have to get up or turn on a light. Heck, that's almost reason enough to breastfeed... more sleep.

    I've heard that co-sleeping, if done safely, may actually reduce SIDS. A baby will regulate his breathing to those around him. That would be hard to do all alone in a room across the house. Also, a co-sleeping mother is in tune with her baby and will awaken if there's a change. Recently, on a family bed message board, a mother woke suddenly and found her baby had vomited in her sleep and was still laying on her back, not breathing. Because of the mother's quick reaction, her baby is fine. What if the baby was asleep in the other room?  Would the mother had woken up and checked on her in time? Hard to say but it's hard to believe that co-sleeping didn't save that baby's life. Rooming in (where the baby has a separate bed but in the same room with the parents) would have the same result.

    Many people warn against the dangers of co-sleeping. "You'll roll over your baby and suffocate him!" Some even pull out, "You'll never get them out of your bed!" or "Co-sleeping ruins marriages." I say you do what you feel is right to do -- co-sleeping, crib sleeping, or somewhere in between. Right now, we are in a transition from co-sleeping to rooming in. We have his floor bed near my side of the bed, which I hope he'll be sleeping on soon. While I still feel it's best for baby to be in the family bed, I also have to consider the kind of sleep all of us are getting. Ethan sleeps good at night but doesn't nap well because I can't lay down with him and stay there for 2 hours, twice a day. Mike and I are getting awful sleep and want to be able to cuddle up again. I'm hoping that with the switch everyone will be sleeping better.

    As with everything with babies, it needs to be done safely.

    Co-sleeping safety:

    • For parents who smoke, drink, or are unusually heavy sleepers, or use any kind of drugs that inhibit arousal from sleep, co-sleeping on the same surface with a baby is not recommended. For these parents, having their child sleep on a separate surface near them, such as a cradle or bassinet, will protect the baby from overlaying while still providing the baby with many of the same benefits as co-sleeping.
    • Make sure the surface your baby sleeps on is firm. Avoid water beds, lambskins, and other soft bedding for your baby. Stuffed animals and toys should be kept out of the baby's sleep environment.
    • Don't give pillows to babies or young toddlers, and keep their faces away from your pillow. Keep blankets away from babies' faces, too.
    • Co-sleeping babies are kept warmer than solitary sleeping babies, so they need lighter blankets and pajamas. (Being too warm may be a factor in SIDS.)
    • Toddlers should not be allowed to sleep next to infants because they sleep deeply and are not as aware of what is around them. Instead, either the infant or the toddler can sleep on a separate surface next to the family bed — the infant in a co-sleeper, crib, or bassinet; the toddler in a toddler bed or mattress on the floor.
    • Headboards, foot boards, and side rails can be unsafe, especially if a baby is left alone in bed with these trappings. One of the most dangerous situations for young children is getting their heads wedged in furniture. Make sure the child's head can't fit between the side rail and any surrounding surfaces. If a parent is using a crib as a sidecar, make sure the two mattresses are on the same level and held tightly together, so there is no space that a baby could slip into. If a bed is up against a wall, ensure that there are no gaps in which a child's head can get trapped. Another option is to put the mattress right on the floor, so that side rails are not necessary to prevent a baby from falling off the bed.
    • Do not sleep on the sofa with your baby, or leave a sleeping baby alone on a sofa.
    • Do not leave a baby unattended in an adult bed. The benefits of the family bed exist only when the parents are there with the child. If the parents want some adult time while baby sleeps, the child should be put somewhere else, such as a crib, bassinet, or mattress on the floor, until the parents are ready for him to join them.
    Floor bed safety. Whether you have your mattress on the floor with co-sleeping or a baby on a floor bed. (It's a Montessori concept that a baby should be able to freely get in and out of bed on their own.)

    • Childproof the room the baby is sleeping in and any rooms he/she will have access to. Imagine your baby waking up and crawling around in the middle of the night while you're sleeping. Make sure they can do so safely. Have night lights.
    • Same with both co sleeping and crib sleeping... use a firm mattress, no pillows, stuffed animals, or thick blankets.
    • Dress baby appropriately.
    Crib Safety:

    • Be sure to place your baby on his/her side or back when sleeping.
    • Make sure the crib has bars, which are no more than 2 3/8 inches apart. Many older cribs or cradles may have sentimental meaning but just aren't safe for baby. If the bars are further apart, your baby's head may become caught between the bars.
    • Make sure the mattress fits snugly against the frame of the bed. Large gaps between the frame and mattress may allow the baby to slide between. You should not be able to place two fingers side by side between the mattress and the bed sides.
    • A wide base is necessary for a cradle or bassinet. This will make it sturdy and more stable.
    • Although cute and decorative, bumper pads, pillows, and quilts should not be used in your baby's bed.
    • Eliminate stuffed toys from the baby's bed.
    • Look at the placement of the bed in the room. Are there electrical cords, lamps, or cords from window shades, which your baby might be able to reach?
    • Don't place the crib against a window.
    • The mattress should be firm. It should not have any sunken places from overuse. The mattress should be the right size for the bed you are using.
    • When using a cradle or bassinet, make sure you move your baby to a regular crib when he/she is about 3-4 months old.
    • Although your old crib or bassinet may not be a problem with the width of the bars, the paint on it may contain lead. Many older cribs and bassinets have paint, which does contain high levels of lead. Exposure to lead can make your baby very sick.
    • Never use a basket, which was not made to be a bassinet as a bed for baby. Loose materials, such as wicker, may scratch your baby.
    • Never hang toys or other objects across the rails of the bed. Your baby could get caught.
    Here are some good articles for sleeping. Many promote co-sleeping, but regardless of what you do, they are worth a read, especially "Helping Your Baby Get a Good Night's Sleep."

    Do you support co-sleeping, or are you against it?  What influenced your decision?

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Comments (65)

  • Distant_Rain@xanga

    I'm not really a fan of co-sleeping, but that's because our daughter fell off the bed when she was about 3 weeks old while sleeping with us.  She's fine, but it scared the living bejeezus out of me, so we started the rooming-in.  After about a month, we moved her into her room where she now sleeps all night long without waking up (she's 17 months now).  In fact, she actually refuses to sleep in any bed but her own when we're at home!
  • Punk_Rock_Mommy@xanga

    We have done the co-sleeping thing and I don't like it, at all.  My oldest daughter did fine and although she falls asleep in our bed, we put her in her bed for the night.  My youngest has a very difficult time staying asleep and sleeps better alone.  She is 18 months old and has been a light and noisy sleeper since bringing her home from the hospital.  She wakes up, cries and throws herself around the bed.  This is not conducive to good sleep.  If we have another baby, I pray that we will not do the co-sleeping thing.  I spent the first 13 months of Bess life overtired.  It was awful.  We started this ugly precedent when we lived in an apartment that was cold in the winter, so Angie (our 3 year old) slept with us.  We just never really moved her out because she wasn't disruptive.  Then, we had Bess join us who is disruptive.  I spent a few nights with her on the recliner.  And, I spent about two months sleeping with her in her sister's bed while sister slept in the big bed with her dad.  It was a nightmare. If it works for you, great.  But as soon as you feel the strain on your physical well-being or your marriage, move that baby!
  • Amyld@xanga

    @mamamonkey - Alone time for my husband and I has never happened at night, in a bed (even before children!).  I hope we never get to the point where we think love-making or spending quality time together must happen like that.  As for it being easier on the parents... it is easier on everyone in our family.  I would not be co-sleeping if it were causing any type of problems or sleeping issues with my child.  We co-slept from day one in the hospital - not because I wanted to at first, but because the baby slept best curled up on my chest.  It is not natural to take an infant and expect them to sleep alone in a large bed after being snug inside a uterus for 9 months.


    @hubbaduh@xanga - Please check out the Family Bed forum at www.mothering.com/discussions they have many credible sources linked there.

  • incoherent__ramblings@xanga

    I'm absolutely against it for myself. Little Bit has slept in her own bed since day 1.
  • darkerviolet@xanga

    Before my son (almost 5 now) was born, we had all the intentions of his sleeping in his crib.  After several months of me waking up all night long to nurse, I just moved him in with us.  Yeah, it was hard to transition him to his room, and yes, he does still come in sometimes, but I do like snuggling him.  We were going to try getting his sister (now 14 mos) in her crib, but she had to nurse all the time.  It's just so much easier for nursing, but dang, the space!  As much as I say I want them in their own rooms, I would miss the little ones!  
  • mamamonkey

    @Amyld@xanga - I do not at all think that love-making HAS TO happen like that...but it does sometimes. There are also times in the middle of the night where he rolls over and starts something and we progress from there. I would not be comfrortable doing that with a child in my bed. Heck - I wasn't even comfortable doing it with the kids in my room sleeping. That is fine if you are all for co-sleeping, but I do not appreciate the insinuation that my marriage is in a bad spot because I talk about making love in our bed.

  • MelodicPuppy@xanga

    I'm against it being something that is done a majority of the time.  My cousin co-slept with her two children and they refuse to sleep on their own at the ages of 6 and 8.  The six year old is deathly afraid of sleeping on his own because he NEVER has.  My friend actually kicked her husband out of their room because she co-sleeps with her son; hubby gets the guest bed.  My son is ONLY allowed to sleep in our bed after his 5 am feeding (he's 8 months and this is his only nighttime feeding).  It's the only way he will sleep past 6:30.  But he knows that his crib is HIS bed, not ours.  I just don't want to develop bad habits that will have to be undone in the future! I"m also scared of us rolling on him.
  • Amyld@xanga

    @mamamonkey - I was responding to this: "And what do you do when you and your hubby want that 'alone time?"   It was not my intention at all to insinuate that there was something wrong with your marriage... I got the impression that you were saying that parents who co-sleep do not get "alone time".

  • draco1531@xanga

    This is a fascinating topic. I've always been totally against co-sleeping for safety reasons alone (not so much rolling on the baby, but an infant being in a bed w/ many items you'd never put in a crib with them--pillows, mattress pad, blankets, sheets) and unlike many others here, I know families who have been shattered when their baby died in their bed as they slept due to getting wedged somewhere or smothered. HOWEVER, I am very interested in the many ways co-sleeping can be accomplished with safety in mind. I'm glad to learn that the concept doesn't only mean the baby being IN your bed, but mostly in your room and the boppy idea for increased safety (both reflux wise and otherwise) is an interesting one.  A friend who will have her 3rd baby in a couple weeks plans to keep the newborn in her room for a few months as the baby's own bedroom is at the opposite end of the house (the older kids took the closer rooms to the master). This will be a new routine for her and hubby, and I'm interested to see how it works for all of them. 


    And thanks MamaFox for covering the topic so well in your original post! 
  • mamabutterfly

    @mamamonkey - I was going to post my own comment, but since I agreed with you completely and we did the same thing, I didn't find it necessary! :)
  • SimplyPynki@xanga

    We have co-slept with all our children (4).  I have no respect for men who want to share a bed with their partner because they sleep better that way, but deny the infant who's been lulled by their mother's heartbeat for the last 9 months the same comfort.

    Or the people who INSIST that the DOG MUST sleep with them because they'll be lonely otherwise, but put the BABY down the hall in another room!

    @Gunnermom@xanga - 
    You're assuming the do the deed in bed, and not say... the kitchen table.

  • princess_riceball@xanga

    Originally I was going to have my daughter sleep in a crib in my room, but then I kept waking up so often, and worrying about her being warm and safe.  I kept taking her out of her crib in the middle of the night to come lay with me.  Also during the day we always took naps together and now that she's almost 3 we'll sometimes take naps together.  She still sleeps in bed with but is making a gradual transition to her own bed in her own room.  She'll make the decision to lay in her her bed and fall asleep.  Now I just have to get used to sleeping with out her, because when she's in her bed I miss her. :)
  • MangoWOW@xanga

    @Amyld@xanga - like, its not really wrong. If I see a 3 year old in a parents bed I'm not gonna be like "Jeebus they need to learn."
    but I do think you gotta start pushing them towards being independent from their parents.
    Them sleeping in the same bed as their parents might just be a sort of security blanket for them and it shouldn't be that way.
  • mamamonkey

    @Amyld@xanga - Sorry, I was crabby at the time that I made that post I think and that is why I took offense to it. I didn't mean to say that parents who co-sleep don't get any alone time, but that - for some - it could feel like an infringment on their time and their place.


     @mamabutterfly - Glad I could make it a bit easier for you :)
  • tmdurant@xanga

    I'm all for it!  Our 3 month old sleeps with us.  I love just laying down with her and her being able to nurse right there in the middle of the night.  I'm not sure for how much longer we'll do it.  It will depend on when she starts rolling over.
  • ata_grandma@xanga

    I never heard the term co-sleeping before.  Back in 1971 I had a colicky baby.  He would fuss from late afternoon until bedtime.  The only way I could get him to sleep was to lie down with him, and nurse him with my hand on his tummy.  By then I was so tired I fell asleep too.  He was my 2nd baby.  The 3rd, 4th, and 5th slept with us occasionally.  By the time # 6 came along we had a king size bed  so she slept with us until she was about 2.  Ditto for # 7.  They are all grown up now, and seem to be well-adusted and happy.
  • filtered_sunlight@xanga

    I think you have to do what's right for you, of course. But I don't think co-sleeping is for us. We love our pillowtop mattress and I'm attached to my massive will-almost-smother-an-adult comforter. Tim and I both toss and turn A LOT. And, yes, I've seen first hand the five-year-old who's mother is still dealing with him in her bed after years and hundreds of dollars spent on firetruck and racecar beds as bribery to try to get him into his own bed at night. I have an extra crib that we'll be setting up in our room for the first few months, but when Megan starts sleeping through the night on a consistant basis, we've agreed that it's time for her move into her own room.
  • NanaLana@xanga

    All of the responses I see are of families with infants. I believe that co-sleeping is probably natural under those circumstances. My grandmother believed it to be true so I believe in it's truest form of natural motherhood... but....I don't believe it should go past infancy. My d-i-l puts the kids to bed, lights out, no fanfare aside from hugs and kisses. It's been such a part of their lives from way young. She's a single mother and needs the evenings to study her college courses. I think it can get way out of hand and the habit becomes a nuisance to parents.

  • NanaLana@xanga

    Oh....and that thing about floor sleeping.....that's funny. My niece was relegated to the floor mattress when her parents moved in with us. She was about 16 months old. One morning I found her beneath the dining room table...she had rolled that much. Hello! They make cribs with bars for a reason. Not to mention the free reign of wondering the house and opening doors.

  • SingingMom@xanga

    I don't have small children anymore (they are adults now), but we sometimes slept with one of them in the bed as infants, particularly my son. He had a lot of difficulty sleeping as a baby. But I only slept with him in the crook of my arm. I'm usually a light sleeper, and almost always wake up when I change positions. By sleeping with him in the crook of my arm, it made it more difficult to accidentally turn over.


    However, both my children roomed in till they were about 6 months old or so. And they frequently got in the bed with us as toddlers if they were scared during the night. If there was a bad thunderstorm, we always made a bed on the floor in our room, so they could be near us.


    Our pastor is a counselor for Critical Incident Stress Management. On August 8, he did get called out to the home of a couple whose 8 week old baby died because the mother rolled over on it. So strict precautions have to be taken.

  • Gunnermom@xanga

    @SimplyPynki@xanga - all I'm saying is that for me it was never somethign I agreed with, I also knwo different things work for different people, fo r us (well me) it was always easier to get into a routine and get everyone on the same page just having a bassinet in our f=room for a few months rather than have a baby in my bed, and for me I like my own space and needed that time even if was only half an hour to just be "normal" and not have to worry about moving around to much or anythign liek that it was my thing, but different things work for different people like I said :)
  • VampireOfSeduction@xanga

    I would never put an infant I was taking care of - whether mine or not - in a different room than me.
    The idea of sleeping in the same bed as and infant scares the bajesus out of me though. Brandon and I both toss and turn too much,  and our pillows always get moved around. Plus, we share a twin mattress right now.
    If we have a bigger bed *crosses fingers* when I get pregnant, we plan on putting a baby doll in bed with us to see whether it ends up on the floor, smooshed, etc. If it works fine, we'll put baby in bed with us. If not, in a crib close to my side of our bed.

    One question though: If the child doesn't initiate it on his/her own (of course, it's much a personal decision, I know).... When should you start putting a child in their own bed? Their own room?
  • goodgirl_196@xanga

    Good information, thanks for sharing! Even though I don't have kids (someday!) I like being able to read thoughts, concerns, and tips from current moms so that when "someday" rolls up I won't be left without a starting point or a few handy tips. 
  • lackadaesical@xanga

    I really don't have any right to talk, but (oh boy) from watching Nanny 911, it just seems like it really does put a strain on relationships, especially when it goes on for years. Some children don't move on from the parents bed for many years, and that can really hurt bonding time with your spouse. I wouldn't want to co-sleep, but I don't want kids either.
  • VampireOfSeduction@xanga

    This just popped into my head:
    ...
    There were three in the bed and the little one said, "Roll over! Roll over!" So they all rolled over and one fell out....
    There were two in the bed and the little one said, "Roll over! Roll over!" So they all rolled over and one fell out....
    There was one in the bed and the little one said, "Good Night!"

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