Tuesday, 12 August 2008

  • Are You For or Against Co-Sleeping?

    Mama Foxby Mama Fox

    We are co-sleepers at the moment. I feel it is a natural thing for a baby to sleep with his/her mama. It allows both mother and child to sleep better, especially if you are breastfeeding. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could just roll over, lift your shirt, have the baby latch on, and go back to sleep? You don't even have to get up or turn on a light. Heck, that's almost reason enough to breastfeed... more sleep.

    I've heard that co-sleeping, if done safely, may actually reduce SIDS. A baby will regulate his breathing to those around him. That would be hard to do all alone in a room across the house. Also, a co-sleeping mother is in tune with her baby and will awaken if there's a change. Recently, on a family bed message board, a mother woke suddenly and found her baby had vomited in her sleep and was still laying on her back, not breathing. Because of the mother's quick reaction, her baby is fine. What if the baby was asleep in the other room?  Would the mother had woken up and checked on her in time? Hard to say but it's hard to believe that co-sleeping didn't save that baby's life. Rooming in (where the baby has a separate bed but in the same room with the parents) would have the same result.

    Many people warn against the dangers of co-sleeping. "You'll roll over your baby and suffocate him!" Some even pull out, "You'll never get them out of your bed!" or "Co-sleeping ruins marriages." I say you do what you feel is right to do -- co-sleeping, crib sleeping, or somewhere in between. Right now, we are in a transition from co-sleeping to rooming in. We have his floor bed near my side of the bed, which I hope he'll be sleeping on soon. While I still feel it's best for baby to be in the family bed, I also have to consider the kind of sleep all of us are getting. Ethan sleeps good at night but doesn't nap well because I can't lay down with him and stay there for 2 hours, twice a day. Mike and I are getting awful sleep and want to be able to cuddle up again. I'm hoping that with the switch everyone will be sleeping better.

    As with everything with babies, it needs to be done safely.

    Co-sleeping safety:

    • For parents who smoke, drink, or are unusually heavy sleepers, or use any kind of drugs that inhibit arousal from sleep, co-sleeping on the same surface with a baby is not recommended. For these parents, having their child sleep on a separate surface near them, such as a cradle or bassinet, will protect the baby from overlaying while still providing the baby with many of the same benefits as co-sleeping.
    • Make sure the surface your baby sleeps on is firm. Avoid water beds, lambskins, and other soft bedding for your baby. Stuffed animals and toys should be kept out of the baby's sleep environment.
    • Don't give pillows to babies or young toddlers, and keep their faces away from your pillow. Keep blankets away from babies' faces, too.
    • Co-sleeping babies are kept warmer than solitary sleeping babies, so they need lighter blankets and pajamas. (Being too warm may be a factor in SIDS.)
    • Toddlers should not be allowed to sleep next to infants because they sleep deeply and are not as aware of what is around them. Instead, either the infant or the toddler can sleep on a separate surface next to the family bed — the infant in a co-sleeper, crib, or bassinet; the toddler in a toddler bed or mattress on the floor.
    • Headboards, foot boards, and side rails can be unsafe, especially if a baby is left alone in bed with these trappings. One of the most dangerous situations for young children is getting their heads wedged in furniture. Make sure the child's head can't fit between the side rail and any surrounding surfaces. If a parent is using a crib as a sidecar, make sure the two mattresses are on the same level and held tightly together, so there is no space that a baby could slip into. If a bed is up against a wall, ensure that there are no gaps in which a child's head can get trapped. Another option is to put the mattress right on the floor, so that side rails are not necessary to prevent a baby from falling off the bed.
    • Do not sleep on the sofa with your baby, or leave a sleeping baby alone on a sofa.
    • Do not leave a baby unattended in an adult bed. The benefits of the family bed exist only when the parents are there with the child. If the parents want some adult time while baby sleeps, the child should be put somewhere else, such as a crib, bassinet, or mattress on the floor, until the parents are ready for him to join them.
    Floor bed safety. Whether you have your mattress on the floor with co-sleeping or a baby on a floor bed. (It's a Montessori concept that a baby should be able to freely get in and out of bed on their own.)

    • Childproof the room the baby is sleeping in and any rooms he/she will have access to. Imagine your baby waking up and crawling around in the middle of the night while you're sleeping. Make sure they can do so safely. Have night lights.
    • Same with both co sleeping and crib sleeping... use a firm mattress, no pillows, stuffed animals, or thick blankets.
    • Dress baby appropriately.
    Crib Safety:

    • Be sure to place your baby on his/her side or back when sleeping.
    • Make sure the crib has bars, which are no more than 2 3/8 inches apart. Many older cribs or cradles may have sentimental meaning but just aren't safe for baby. If the bars are further apart, your baby's head may become caught between the bars.
    • Make sure the mattress fits snugly against the frame of the bed. Large gaps between the frame and mattress may allow the baby to slide between. You should not be able to place two fingers side by side between the mattress and the bed sides.
    • A wide base is necessary for a cradle or bassinet. This will make it sturdy and more stable.
    • Although cute and decorative, bumper pads, pillows, and quilts should not be used in your baby's bed.
    • Eliminate stuffed toys from the baby's bed.
    • Look at the placement of the bed in the room. Are there electrical cords, lamps, or cords from window shades, which your baby might be able to reach?
    • Don't place the crib against a window.
    • The mattress should be firm. It should not have any sunken places from overuse. The mattress should be the right size for the bed you are using.
    • When using a cradle or bassinet, make sure you move your baby to a regular crib when he/she is about 3-4 months old.
    • Although your old crib or bassinet may not be a problem with the width of the bars, the paint on it may contain lead. Many older cribs and bassinets have paint, which does contain high levels of lead. Exposure to lead can make your baby very sick.
    • Never use a basket, which was not made to be a bassinet as a bed for baby. Loose materials, such as wicker, may scratch your baby.
    • Never hang toys or other objects across the rails of the bed. Your baby could get caught.
    Here are some good articles for sleeping. Many promote co-sleeping, but regardless of what you do, they are worth a read, especially "Helping Your Baby Get a Good Night's Sleep."

    Do you support co-sleeping, or are you against it?  What influenced your decision?

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Comments (65)

  • ExpectingNjuly08@xanga

    I def support co-sleeping. My almost 8 week old son sleeps with my hubby and I. I feel a lot better when he's with us knowing that he's safe with us and that he's right next to me. He does take his naps in his crib or pack and play, for now he sleeps with us.
  • WaterfallPhilosophies@xanga

    I support co-sleeping because we currently co-sleep with our 4 month old, hahaha.  For me it's a personal thing (I love having him near me), but on the downside it's not like my husband and I can do the dirty on the fly, nor do we have much room (the baby takes up ALL the space).  Our baby does seem to sleep a lot better being in between us.  He's out for 6 hours straight as opposed to being in the crib and waking up every 2-3 hours because we're not around him.
  • gotliteracy@xanga

    I'm all for it! it's much more convenient for everyone involved. I've slept with my baby sister beside me (I'm 16 years older than her), and one is really much more aware of the baby than you might think.
  • Amyld@xanga

    Definitely for it!  We sleep with the baby every night (and about two times a week the 6 year old and 4 year old will get in bed with us). 

  • Isismoon@xanga

    I did co-sleeping and felt that my children were well behaved and saw themselves as being part of the family unit because of it.  I'm a light sleeper and not the type to lay on a baby without noticing. 
  • thealmightytanya@xanga

    I'm 17, but I support co-sleeping. I slept with my parents until I was 1 and a half (around that time, my brother was born and took my place), but after that I would run into their room around 6 AM and snuggle up next to them. After my sister was born, she also took the place of my brother. My brother started sleeping in the same room with me, and we continued to do the going into their room at 6 AM together. After my sister turned 3, we all did this together. By that time, I was 6.  Once we got too old for that, we used to sleep in their room on weekends only.  Now, only my seven-year old brother still sleeps with my parents, but I feel that that experience brought our family closer. You guys may be thinking "That is nuts! HOw did their parents do that with 3-4 kids at once!" And to be honest... I don't know how they did it. I am glad they did, though.  My mom grew up with co-sleeping as well-- she didn't have her own bed, and she slept with either her oldest sister or her parents.

    IF i decide to have kids, I would definitely let them sleep with me.  I am not worried at all about rolling over on them or anything, because I am a very light sleeper and used to sleeping with people because my siblings used to sleep with me. My youngest brother still does.  And that story about the mother awakening at night because her baby vomited makes me feel as though it would be safer for the baby to sleep with its mother.  There really is a true, strong bond between a baby and its mother!
  • CrunchyMountainMomma@xanga

    I've co-slept with all but one of mine and the one we didn't co-sleep with needed to be at a specific angle because she had severe reflux. All of mine are out of my bed except the baby(she's 4 months old) and I personally feel it makes my marriage stronger. You have to get more creative to spend time alone, so it makes you work harder at your marriage.


    I've never rolled over on one, nor has my husband. It's made it easier to tell when they are teething, or sick and it's easier to care for them through illnesses, because everyone is already used to an extra body in the bed. Nursing is a breeze, and we wake up refreshed and happy. I recommend co-sleeping to anyone with a baby.
  • mizzshoez@xanga

    HI my name is lily and Im a co-sleeper too...*hi lily*


    I have a 3 month old


    I full time on demand breastfeed


    I had a co-sleeper bed that hooked to the middle of our mattress, but my baby was very long at birth and ids longer now so I co-slleep without it, my hubby goes up to the guest room after I fall asleep, but he loves her sleeping with us, however she is for the most part sleeping through the night, and I am trying to break them both of their codependant habit....wish me luck
  • bunnyCouture@xanga

    i totally support co sleeping, and question the person who "studied" the "fact" that having your child sleep with you from infancy will lead to them ALWAYS sleeping with you.


    up until my son was about 5 or 6 months old, we co-slept for probably 4 out of 7 days a week, more often when he was a newborn.


    it is SO much easier to just roll over and go back to sleep when breastfeeding.  in fact, i feel it was more dangerous when i was sleep-walking to get him.  we shared a home with another family at that time and i was constantly tripping over their dog and things left out by them.


    however, once he got to be about 5 or 6 months old, he decided for himself that he wanted his own crib.  he was at the age of wiggling and crawling everywhere, and wouldnt go to sleep with us.  but the second i put him in his own bed, he would roll over and go right to sleep.


    even now, he is almost 2, and if i try and bring him into the family bed, he will get up and walk to his crib all on his own.


    i kinda miss the cute cuddling infant, and sometimes he does doze off in our bed for a nap, but i know in the end its a good healthy sign that hes becoming his own independent person.
  • Gunnermom@xanga

    I am against, but I am also not one of those really "happy to be pregnant" people, I love my children and wouldn't trade any of them but I never enjoyes the being pregnant part ( I have 5) I also am very into having personal space even with my husband I like to lay with him ut when all is said and doen I want my own space to sleep or whatever, I am however all for the baby being in a bassinet in our room untill she is around 3 months at the max and then off to the crib.  My aunt is an avid co-sleep person and is a not so great example as well, they now have 4 (well 3.5) and the three still sleep in their room and the oldest is 5 or 6 I think and I'm sure baby 4 will be in there to, frankly I'm not sure how all the children keep happening when you ahve others in your room.
  • spacegrl@xanga

    i'm a co-sleeper!!! my 3.5 month old baby started cosleeping with us after the 2nd day back from the hospital.  he just could NOT sleep soundly or comfortably in the crib.  turns out he has reflx issues.  so we now prop him up on the boppy and sleep with him in between us.  he sleep so much better and is very quiet.  i bf at night, and then hubs takes over with the bottle in the early mornings.  we just started doing part-time cosleeping - which is to put the baby to sleep in the crib when he first goes down for teh night at 8 or 9pm, and then bring him back to our bed after the first time he wakes up.  gradually we're hoping that the first part of the night will become longer as time goes by, and that we'll be able to put him back in the crib after the first night feeding. 


    i feel that things like sleeping through the night should be done on the baby's schedule with gentle encouragement.  i mean, he was inside you for 9 months and is just starting to adjust to the new world!  how can you also expect him to start sleeping on his own??  these changes should happen gradually, u know?  i dont think i will ever CIO for that reason.
  • Bridget41040@xanga

    For our baby's 1st month she slept in a bassinet next to our bed, at 1 month we moved her to the crib and she started sleeping through the next at 2 months and has ever since.  We breastfed and that didn't affect her at all.  I've heard how mom's who co-sleep don't sleep very well.  I just don't think it would be the best for us.  Hannah sleeps great in her crib.
  • MangoWOW@xanga

    I support co-sleeping. I dont see anything wrong with it and Id think it would help to create a bond between baby and parents.

    But it should stop at a reasonable age. By 3 years old I think the baby should be sleeping in their own bed with the exception of scary thunderstorms or fun parent sleepovers. lol
  • LuvBeingTheirMama@xanga

    I believe that cosleeping helped our son regulate his sleep schedule to ours. He was sleeping through the night at 3 weeks old. We coslept till he was about 8 months old and then decided it was time to seperate for everyone's benefit. We all started moving around too much and he wasn't sleeping as well. Whatever works for him is what we do. If he ever wanted to sleep in our bed again, he'd be welcome to now at 14 months.
  • Amyld@xanga

    @thinkin_up_dreams@xanga - Why? If the parents and the children are still comfortable with it, why should it stop at the age of three?  Believe it or not, a child will decide to sleep in their own beds at some point.  My oldest children each started around the age of 4.  


      
  • mamamonkey

    I wouldn't say that I am AGAINST co-sleeping, I would just say that I really don't get it and have a couple of hang-ups with it.


    First, it bothers me that so many parents talk about how much EASIER it is for THEM. Hmm...I though it was supposed to be about the feeling of safety and security for the child. Yet so many parents talk about it in the terms that it is easier for them and got their baby to sleep for longer periods of time.


    Second, with the whole safety and security thing. Sure, many babies love to snuggle up with their parents I am sure. (Though I have one that has hated to snuggle since day 1.) But, the problem I see comes when it is time for the co-sleeping to stop. There are some who are able to make this transition easily, but it seems more times than not I hear parents who are completely wiped out because of sleepless nights trying to get their 2-3 year old to sleep in their own bed now. I look at it like this, I guess. Co-sleeping has been a security thing for them since birth, like my boys blankets have been for them (well, not since birth, but early on they each became attached to a blankie). When you decided it is time for them to move to their own bed, you are removing that security and expecting them to have no problem with it. I can't imagine taking my kids blankies away from them and saying, just go to sleep now.


    Then, there is the relational issues that can arise. I wonder how many mothers have had honest, open communications with their husbands about the co-sleeping thing and how many husbands just kind of had this put on them as an expectation of their wife, but would much rather prefer that the children not be sleeping with them. I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS THE CASE IN ALL - OR EVEN MANY - OF THE SITUATIONS. I just wonder. I know that, even if I wanted to, my husband wouldn't go for it. (Plus, he is an extremely heavy sleeper and I would be afraid of his rolling on the child.) And what do you do when you and your hubby want that 'alone time'?


    My kids have all started out in a seperate bed in the same room as us, moved to their own room at about 3 months and were sleeping through the night by 4 months. I have breastfed all but the first one. I have a great bond with my kids and don't think that co-sleeping would have made it any better. They will come in my room in the morning and cuddle sometimes...and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they come in in the middle of the night...I give them hugs and kisses, talk to them about what it wrong and then take and tuck them back into their beds. This is what works for us.


    While there are some things that I feel there are definite rights and wrongs on, this is not one of them and if co-sleeping works for your family then so be it. But it isn't for us.

  • la_vida_linda@xanga

    @mamamonkey - I think a big part of having a baby is making sure everyone involved is happy, and that includes what works for mom and dad, a happy mom means a happy home (at least in mine it does).  That being said I agree with you, co-sleeping isn't for everyone and each family needs to find what is right for them.  
  • la_vida_linda@xanga

    I co-slept with both of my boys until they were sleeping through the night around 4-5 months old.  My hubby is a heavy sleeper, but I am a very light sleeper so I was aware of where the baby was in relation to hubby most of the time.  Once the boys got more active and interested in the environment they transitioned into their own beds.  Now they are very independent and only cuddle with me once in a while.  I miss those groggy nights snuggling with a breastfed baby, but not enough to give up my bed space and full nights sleep and have another one ;)
  • hubbaduh@xanga

    All the research that I've read said that co-sleeping actually increasing the risk of SIDS...can you site your sources???
  • alaskamommy@xanga

    we sort of cosleep.  Our 6 week old is in her bassinet most of the night, but usually when she wakes up at six, I just put her in bed with us and nurse her back to sleep.  She stays in bed with me then for the rest of the night.


    Our 3 yr old still comes in and sleeps with us a few times a week - he shows up about midnight or so and cuddles up on the other side of my husband so he's not near the baby.
  • ChurchPunkMom@xanga

    We co-sleep. 
    Have with all 5 of our kids.
  • XbabyK@xanga

    We co sleep and have since our daughter was about a week old.  It didn't take long for me to figure out that having to get up and get her out of the crib every two hours to nurse was not going to work!  We love it and will continue co sleeping until it no longer works for us.
  • NavajoPrincess27@xanga

    There are definately pros and cons.  I co-slept with all my children for the few weeks of their lives. 
    It was nice to be able to just feed in bed and not get up!  Now, with a 2 month old, she is in her own bed, and she only wakes up once.  I make my husband get her and bring her to me!  It really is a GREAT arrangement!
    I couldn't sleep with my children for longer than a few weeks because I would be sore and tired for as long as they were there.  I can never get into a deep sleep knowing my child is right there beside me, and I always woke up with a sore neck and back trying to get comfortable around the baby.


    My biggest reason for not co-sleeping longer than I do is my husband.  We have 3 small children and they keep us busy constantly during the day.  He is in the military and we've just recently relocated and have no family or friends around here, so they only time we have together is when the kids are asleep.  We've always enforced the same bedtime and sleeping in our own beds so that helps. 
    Without my husband, I wouldn't have my kids.  It's nice to have the nights to share with my husband, even if it is just to know he's there sleeping beside me!
  • mamafox

    @hubbaduh@xanga - Here is one.

    @mamamonkey - Very good points. Co sleeping isn't for everyone. I didn't co sleep with my older boys, honestly my oldest slept better in his own room then he did with rooming in,  and I feel I have just as strong of a bond with them as I do my youngest. It is a choice every family must make for themselves and for each child.

    Our cosleeping wasn't planned but as soon as we figured out that it was going to happen we did discuss it. We talked about the benefits and the sacrifies. My husband is still slightly against it, not as much as he was but compromised with me so we could all get some sleep while our son was younger. Now we are striving for a more agreeable situation
    for us.


    The husbands shouldn't be sacrificed for the sake of cosleeping. I don't agree with wives that kick the husband to the couch or guest room while the kids take over the bed. Everyone should be in agreement of the situation, just like pretty much everything else in parenting. I would move the child from the bed before asking my husband to move. Right now we are at the point where both my husband and I are not sleeping well and we feel it's time for our son to sleep in his own bed. Things change and with that, routines, arrangments and plans change too.

    There are ways to work around it for "alone time". Cosleeping forces you to work harder at your marriage and get creative.

    I feel there are gentle and loving ways to move children from the family bed which is what we are working on now. Many families wait until the child is ready on their own to move. It's not like we go from co sleeping one night to "Okay this is your room go to sleep." the next night. It is a gradual transistion.

    @Gunnermom@xanga - Back in renassiance times, families shared a room, often one big bed. That never stopped them from reproducing. Like I said, you get creative or at least wait until the kids are asleep.

  • glorious_and_free@xanga

    We have co-slept in some form or another since having kids.  I think it's good for a family to figure out what works best for themselves, not just at the beginning but continually reassessing, and just do that and not fret about what this study or that expert says.  Research is great, but it's not the final word on anything, especially since every family dynamic is different and should be respected as so.

    Our daughter had a bassinet beside our bed for the first few months.  She napped in there and went to bed there at night, but after her first night feeding she would stay in bed with us for the rest of the night, it was just easier that way.  We moved from Australia to Canada when she was 3 months old, and from then until she was 8 or 9 months old she co-slept with us.  Then once she could crawl, she didn't want anything to do with us, so she happily slept in a crib in her own room until she was 2.  Once I got to my 3rd trimester of my pregnancy with my son, she suddenly wanted to sleep with us again (which wasn't a problem with us, co-sleeping makes a couple more "creative" with their love-making times, which I find fun).  The first few weeks after my son was born, my husband slept on the futon so he could get some sleep since he works long hours, and the kids slept with me.  After that we decided that we wanted our bed back to ourselves.  So my daughter now sleeps in her own double bed in her own room, she needs someone to lay down with her, but once she's asleep I get up and she sleeps fine through the night.  I enjoy having that bit of cuddle time just with her, since I spend so much time with my son these days.  My son now sleeps in a bassinet beside our bed, and then when my husband gets up for work around 5:30, he wakes up, nurses, and then I keep him in bed with me until 8 or so when the kids and I get up.  It's working well for us, although our little guy is quickly outgrowing the bassinet, so then we will have to decide what to do.  I'm thinking we will probably just put him in the crib in our daughter's room.  Then I suppose technically we will not be co-sleepers anymore!  But who knows, we like to go with the flow, with whatever works for all of us.

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