Wednesday, 13 August 2008
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Line Between Protecting and Sheltering Your Children
My children are very young, and yet when I look at the current school systems, there is so much of me that just wants to protect my little ones from the atrocities that occur there. But when does protecting become sheltering? Where is the line between protecting the innocence of your children and yet acknowledging the world that we live in and teaching them to be wise within the chaos? How can they learn to stand for what's right without ever having the opportunity to stand? I believe that my responsibility as a parent is to, above all else, protect the hearts and lives of my children, but protecting and sheltering can be two very different things. I've seen some parents shelter to an extreme and when those children hit the real world, they collapse under the pressure. My personal growing up experience was very blessed. I had two wonderful parents who were always there for me and people that I truly confided in (and still do). I went to elementary school, was home schooled for middle school and went back to school for my high school years. I enjoyed both aspects of homeschooling and "regular" school, and see huge benefits to both. That being said, I've seen kids turn out "good" and "bad" from both experiences, and I've seen a common thread through many of the "successful" families (other than lots of prayer!!
). They prepare their kids in every way. As someone very wise once said to me, "We shouldn't be afraid that the school system is going to change our kids. The school system should be afraid that our kids are going to change them." Wise words. I, for one, hope to raise my kids knowing absolute right from wrong. I want them to find their identity in our family, not in their friends. I want our home to be a home of peace and security so that when this crazy world is knocking on their doors and they are faced with challenges and temptations that is beyond them, they know where they can run to for unconditional love, support, and advice. I don't want my kids to be raised to be avoid the world. I want them to grow up and change it!
Where do you draw the line between protecting and sheltering? How were you raised, and how has your upbringing impacted your life?
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Comments (7)
I was not a sheltered child in any sense of the imagination, I have seen things that I wish I hadn't and know that my children will not live what I had to.
That being said, yesterday at the park I was privy to a conversation between my 5 year old and an older child at the park that made me want to pump my fist in the air and pat my own back. This older child was trying to get my son to jump off the highest parts of the play gym (some of which are up over 7 feet). My son looked at him like he was crazy and told him that was dangerous and he wouldn't do it.
It's not that I will keep him from jumping off of the park equipment, some day he will I am sure. But when that day comes I want it to be his idea not some kid that dared him into it, it will be easier to tell him I told you so that way ;)
I'm not very articulate so you'll have to excuse me.
My mom tried very hard to shelter me when I was little. I do think I'm a little naive when it comes to certain things but I think in general I'm well rounded and know how to get around and what to expect in the world.
But what I think is you should let your kids go out and experience the world to the fullest (that includes all the bad out there) and just be the support. Just let your child know that you're always there to help them out and help them cope. That way they can learn about the world around them and have someone reliable to fall back on and to explain things to them.
I hope I got my point out. I tend to have problems explaining exactly what it is I want to say :\
It's really hard for me to say because I have a 4 month old so I'm pretty protective at the moment. However, when it comes to learning or doing things I give him freedom to make his mistakes. For instance, he's beginning to learn how to roll to one side and gets frustrated. I just let him get frustrated. My husband will help him out maybe once just so he knows how it feels to roll to the other side, but we let him get frustrated till he learns on his own. That's the extent of it so far.
My parents were very protective and I HATED it. I see my mom doing it to my son and I get mad. They sheltered us so much we never went out or had friends. As a result I snuck out all the time, hid my grades, had sex at a young age, hid my relationships, did drugs, drank at a young age and busted outta there once i turned 18, like I was in jail.
We managed to be great kids and good people but my childhood would have been better if I was given freedom. I'm sure I would have had fonder memories instead of built-up resentment.
Parents that hover over their children constantly- and not letting them within eight feet of anything that could harm them- are silly. How do you think my brother learned how the iron worked? touched it of course. How I learned that shaking a cat isn't a good idea? My parents let me shake it until it scratched me trying to escape. I have a friend who's mother almost didn't let her do cheerleading- because in stunts, there's always that possibility that you can get hurt- and she'd had all kinds of diseases when she was littlelittle (Cancer, brain tumor- and she and her twin were premies.) In cases like that, though- I think it's more understandable for a mother to be slightly protective. She did almost lose her baby once.
But my parents let me make my mistakes- they never shoe me away from something potentially dangerous- and all THEY did was instill a good sense of what's right, and what's wrong. I don't drink, or do drugs. I'm a relatively good kid... although hypocritical parents are a bit overboard as well.
I am one of those children you mentioned that collapse when they hit the real world. I pretty much fell flat on my face and stayed down for the count. It took a very long time to come back up and I'm still struggling. But it made my parents realize that they had sheltered me far too much during my childhood. They treat my younger siblings so much differently now, because they don't want the rest of their kids to undergo what I went through.
So with that in mind, I'm really not sure where to draw the line between protecting and sheltering. All I've known is an extremely sheltered life, and I'm afraid that's all I'm going to be able to pass on to my son.
We just had a discussion about this at my Bible study this morning. We were talking about how God allows us all to make our own choices - He doesn't force us to believe and He won't turn you away when you choose to believe (no matter what you have done previously). Then, for a more 'worldly' example, we talked about how it is so hard for us, as parents, to let our kids make mistakes and end up hurt or, even worse sometimes, to have to be the one who enforces consequences of poor behavior - but we do it because we love our kids so much and we know that they need that experience to help them later on in life. We can't make their choices for them and we shouldn't protect them from the natural consequences of their choices.
Thank you for posting this! What a great view! That makes sense, but I never thought about how we raise our kids today will reflect on the world to come. They are our future! I think avoiding issues is wrong. There are so many issues that kids are curious about and it seems like we don't address those issues anymore. Thank you!