Tuesday, 29 July 2008
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I Give In Too Easily to What My Baby Wants
by Mama Whale
There are times when I give in too easily when my Baby Whale wants something. She has a stubborn attitude and she cries until she gets her way. Other times I try not to listen to her cries and just simply ignore her. Like for instance, during nap time she fights with me. There are times when she is well behaved and puts herself to sleep, and there are times when she cries until she falls asleep.
Numerous times I've tried training her to be more independent instead of being so clingy to me. I tell her to throw away her own diaper after each change. I don't want to give in too much when she gets older, cause she'll start relying on me to do everything. I want her to learn on her own even if she makes mistakes - it is okay to repeat it again and again.
Hopefully once we get a bigger place she'll eventually have to learn to sleep on her own. Mama Whale's back has been hurting and our bed is not spacious enough to fit 3 people.Do you give in easily to your child(ren), or are you more firm with them? What do you think is the right balance between giving a child what she wants and knowing when to say no?
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Comments (7)
My older boys (4 and 2 years old) know that if they want something they can ask, using words and manners. I ignore whining so they don't do it often. A majority of the time I will say yes. It may be "yes, you can have it after dinner." or "Yes we can go there tomorrow" so it's still a not right now answer but the wording makes all the difference. If I have to say no, I will talk with them to come up with a solution that works for everyone.
My children are people with their own thoughts and feelings. If they want something enough to ask for it, it's important to them. Who am I to deny them that? Of course I set limits but we don't reach those often.
I think your title says it all!! To some extent, I think it is different for each family. But small children know that if they push, they get what they want. (Or if there are set boundaries, they dont push very hard because they know it is pointless!)
I think you are right. I think it will be easier when you have your own place - but if you let it get too out of hand now, it wont ever be easy.
Even through my son is little (4 1/2 months), we're already working with him on boundaries and when it's an appropriate time to do things...i.e. when it's time to eat, it's not time to play and look around everywhere. The bottle does not follow your mouth around the room as you go looking.
Good luck with things, it'll be easier when you're on your own because then you won't have someone trying to contradict what you are trying to teach either.
I agree with what MamaFox said about ignoring whining. It's hard, but kids figure out what works and what doesn't; if it doesn't? They'll lay off of it.
Lila makes an excellent point as well. You have to be as consistant as possible. Just make sure the moving isn't one of many conditions to your happiness/rules. For example, if you move and then say, "Well, I still give in more than I'd like to because Papa Whale is working more often and isn't home as much...when his schedule changes, then I'll be firmer..." then nothing has really changed and there'll always be another "condition" until which you'll give in.
Haven't had to deal with that too much yet because my son is only 8 months old (in a few days). However I can tell that the time is coming FAST! He is starting to throw tantrums if I have to put him in his exersaucer while I do something like prepare his dinner and I'm not putting up with it! I also have long since learned not to put up with his fussiness at bed/naptime. 99 percent of the time he does just fine putting himself to sleep now, thanks to the good ol' cry it out. It's so hard to say no to such a sweet face but I'd rather him be told no and well behaved than like my 6 year old nephew, who rules the roost and is a tyrant.
I give in easily because my Damian is only 3 months old. When he gets a little older I'll be firm. Thanks for this post, I like reading about what my baby will possibly be like in the near future and different ways of dealing with it.
This is when you should be firm with her and communicate as simple and calmly as possible. A UCLA coach by the name of John Wooden says when he wants to bring attention to his impudent players, he smoothly without a stormy manner calls their name really fast. this will help her not to feel scared but attentative which you can say what you have to say in a relaxed tone of voice.
I definitely feel you when kids start acting clingy and expect you to solve their problems. So whatever it is that youre giving into, dont do it. This applies in many aspects of life however, when you give someone or something anything too easily, they become comfortable and feel they can get what they desire when they want it.
And also, getting a bigger place wont help either. I personally feel like they will become more impudent and become much out of control. She must deal with less to solve much. Sorry to hear about your back problems, 1. doing proper exercises can help you strength and work out your back which structures your back for difficult labor. 2. i dont know if this will solve the problem but get some back supporters, like the ones you put on a car seat or computer chair at home and other means as well. 3. try googling this issue too. All this will mature and make your child a teachable individual. Ignoring them while they're throwing a fit will cause greater impact on the child because they are being serious but they feel ignored. In the process of not giving in anymore, you some disciplinary actions. ex. 1st offense, put head down. 2nd. corner, 3rd, invisible chair. 4th. on your knees hold an object high. 5th, write standards. you can skip 3 and 4 and move to 5th.
Im a teacher and this is what ive been learning teaching children. Of course through the help of others as well. gluck with your kid and i wish you the best!