by Mama Hippo
Soon after moving to Switzerland I fell into a group of women who met for lunch once a week. We were almost all of us ex-pats, some with American husbands, others with Swiss or French boyfriends/husbands, basically all of us in the same or very similar life situations. It was so fun to meet up once a week, get to try out different restaurants and cafes around town, and just spend several hours hanging out and talking.
Since D's birth I haven't been going to the lunches very much, but I do try to go every once in a while. I went last week, to a lunch in this trendy little cafe. There's a couple women in the group who are now pregnant, but I'm the only one so far with a baby already. D had been kinda fussy the day before the lunch, which made me worry a bit about how he'd do at the cafe so I ate at home and planned not to order anything there.
It was fun seeing my friends, as it had been several weeks since I'd seen any of them. And maneuvering around the cafe wasn't
too difficult with D in his stroller. They were excited to see me, too, and they commented on how big D was and one of my friends held him for a bit. Then lunch went on as usual, talking about all the usual things we women like to talk about, and catching up with each other's lives. I was able to join in sometimes, other times paying attention to D and trying to keep him happy. As I'd feared, he started getting upset around the time everyone was eating their salads, and I wound up having to leave early.
It wasn't a bad lunch at all, but it got me thinking, and gave me yet another reason to look forward to moving back home. That kind of a set-up (lunch at a cafe) just isn't an ideal place to meet when dealing with an infant. I can't blame them for those get-togethers, as it's what makes the most sense for them to do. But it makes me long a bit for a group of friends who also have babies, who know what it's like dealing with them, and who'll plan get-togethers in places where it's easier to deal with a little one. Our friends in California are much closer to being that, with a couple of them already having babies (one friend gave birth to a beautiful baby girl just 2 weeks ago!).
And so, while I've been so glad to have this group of friends here, I'm also feeling more distant now, and feeling more ready to get back to our other friends in the US. I hate how that sounds, as it makes me feel like one of those moms that's completely baby-centric as if the world revolved around her and her baby, but it does seem to make a difference to have people around you who are in the same place as you (life-wise), who are going through the same things you are.
Did you find yourself feeling more distant or "different" from your friends without kids when you became a parent?
Comments (28)
@sali_jane@xanga - I'd say, make plans with her both with and without the baby. Maybe rent a chick flick to watch while the baby naps; then you can pause it if need be (unlike going to see a movie). Another time, leave the baby with dad for an hour or two, and go get lunch or something.
very well said, no one understands life with a baby until they are there and going in public is just hard especially when you're nursing like I am....my friends without babies just don't understand why I haven't seen a movie in theaters since xmen3!! (June 2006) or why I can't just go drink with them at night and "leave the baby at home" but they'll understand once they have theirs and then you'll get playdates at homes or parks instead. they won't be pregnant forever =P hang in there, I know what it's like ESPECIALLY the being far from back home...it takes me 28 hrs of driving.
I can't speak from the side of being a parent, but I do have several friends that have changed since having kids. Not so much their personalities; as they're pretty much the same people, but moreso their priorities. when you have a kid, all of a sudden, drinking the weekends away doesn't really fit onto the schedule as neatly as a quiet weekend at home with baby and hubby / wifey.