Friday, 25 July 2008
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Am I Weaning...or Losing?
BabyK, who is approaching age 2 in October, is strong-willed, rough-and-tumble, "all-boy" as some people say (whatever that means). He falls down and laughs, only to get back up and try whatever activity again. He is on the go from the moment go and since he began walking at 10 1/2 months, nursing has been the one thing that brings him to center. If we are in a place that requires more quiet activity (i.e. library), a brief nursing session when we first arrive calms him down. In the mornings before he is off and running, a short nursing time helps us to connect, and with me being in school three days per week, nursing helps us to reconnect when I come back home again each time.However, over 4th of July weekend, I took a "mommy-only" trip out-of-state to visit a couple girlfriends. 5 days away - for the first time since C (#1) was born. Oh, I've had time with my friends, but usually I have at least one child with me. So this was unique, and to be honest, I didn't tell Papa Seahorse, but I was concerned that he'd have a hellish time getting BabyK to sleep without me there. (Not concerned enough to stay, you understand.) But as it turned out, BabyK didn't have a problem at all. At ALL. Kind of hurt my feelings actually. I had to face that realization.
In the past, the nursing relationship has gone approximately two years, cut off by the impending growth of the newest little one in belly. This time, different circumstance. Last baby. Last nursing. And I found myself clinging to it a little more than I have in the past. The time to connect with him in a way nobody else does. The means to calm him down, get our brains in sync with each other, breathe together, nourish and comfort. I don't have to worry about the inconsistent eating of a toddler because he gets his needed nourishment from the nursing. Nursing does so much more than feed though, and with a kid who is off and running first thing in the morning until last thing at night, it also gives me a chance to feel like I am still instrumental in providing for him.
When I returned from my trip, with full (nicely rounded! a rare thing these days!) boobs, I didn't rush to nurse him, though I wanted to mainly for relief. He didn't immediaely ask, though he was highly animated about my return. It wasn't until a couple hours after I returned when he saw me changing my clothes that he requested to nurse. As if seeing me in my bra jarred his memory: waaaiiit a minute... I know what THOSE are for! I sat down gladly.
Since then, I have gone back and forth, and I am positive that my indecisive state of mind does not help develop his sense of boundaries. Some days I think, it would be nice to be done with all that! But then some days (the wilder, crazier ones) I am thankful to have this "secret weapon" to wield when needed as an instrument to calm, reconnect, and center him. So consequently, some days he asks to nurse and I say no. Let him whine and fuss at me while I hold him in my lap, and within a few moments he calms down and accepts the cuddles instead. Other days I think of how I won't ever nurse any babies again and I hang onto the closeness we share through it.
So am I weaning? or losing? Originally, in my mind, I had a time frame of waiting to wean fully until after this coming winter. I like the idea of nursing through the winter (he only nurses when he's tired at this point) to help with immunities and sickness. My Dr. actually suggested I nurse him until age 4 since the older kids will be coming home with extra germs from school and such. I don't think I could make it that far.
What do you think? Should I face the inevitable and let the nursing go? Or should I stick with the original plan and nurse through the winter before weaning for good? (leaving aside comments about extended nursing, since obviously, I am already a believer in it) I just can't be in limbo anymore with this decision because the inconsistency is taking a toll on both of us...
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Comments (10)
No real opinion. You need to do what is best for you and your son. I just wanted to say AWESOME for extended nursing.
I'd say nurse through the winter and cherish the moments you'll never get back.
Like you kind of said, I think the decision is yours (and your sons), but the decision needs to be made instead of this kind of wishy-washy stuff that will confuse him. What does you son seem to think? Is he wanting to nurse consistently every day? If so, maybe hold on to it for the winter since it will be the last time you are able to do it. But if he seems to be OK either way, it might be good to find other ways to comfort and calm him now (you said he calms down relatively quickly and accepts the cuddles when you say no to nursing). The longer nursing is used for a comfort/calm measure the harder it can be for the child to be OK with something else taking the place of that. Since he seems to be OK with something else now, it might be a good time to call it quits. It might be nice to do it now, when it can be a calm thing than for there to be a fight about it later if either he decides he doesn't want to be done.
I know...I didn't really give an answer, but I don't think there really is a definitive answer here. You just have to go with what you feel. Good luck either way!
The longest I have nursed any of my children is 14 months. I had never thought about it suplimenting for a toddlers limited eating. Something to think about with my last one.
Wow, 4. Thats just a little too much. If I were you, I would take advantage of these last oppourtunities and nurse through the winter. Anything to keep them from getting sick right.
Something to think about: Like you said, it suppliments his nutrition. Is he eating enough of the foods he needs to stay healthy? Or would his health take a decline because you stopped nursing? (Sorry to throw more questions in there.)
Like TornadoChaser, I wanted to say kudos on the extended nursing!
aggg I am exactly in the same situation as you!! I never thought I would even make it past 3 months (well first week at that) now she is 20 mo and i don't really have a strategy... I have to admit there are times i just want to end it all and others i love the whole bonding and ability to calm her down with one easy trick ^^ Umm i have no real answer i want to quit before she reaches age 2 but HOW? How do you wean a toddler who DEMANDS it??y
My youngest will be 2 in September, and we are in much the same place. I am SO ready to be done with nursing. He? Not so much.
I don't think you are doing anything wrong. It's not wishy-washy, it's the natural course of weaning. And it's about what both of you can deal with. You as the mom hold a stronger hand than your toddler.
Some days my toddler will nurse 7-8 times. Other days 2. That's how weaning occurs. It just gradually goes, down, and down, and down, and you realize one day that you haven't nursed in days, and no one seems to really want to.
Hahaha you really got me laughing with the description of BabyK seeing your boobies again! All I can really offer is whatever you decide to do, be consistent with it. I can't really speak too much from experience on this matter since Jeremiah self-weaned himself at 3 months old and he's my only child so far.
Wow, your Dr recommended age 4? I know for sure I would never be able to do that, but for selfish reasons because I'd want to stop wearing them nursing pads for 4 years!
Whatever you decide to do, it sounds like you've already done such an awesome job bonding with BabyK and making sure that he was nurtured both physically and emotionally.
I can't imagine nursing for that long - but then, I had lots of physical problems after the birth of my son (severe sciatica - I was in pain 24/7), and barely made it to 6 months. Kudos to you for keeping with it though!
I would say, if it feels right to you, just keep nursing. If you kind of want your body back - take it back. You are the mommy, and it's your choice. I can see where you're coming from with the immunity thing, but if you don't really want to nurse, it may not be worth it. Then again, if you're really attached to the nursing, why not keep it up until he lets you know he wants to stop? Either way - go with your gut feeling. That's always worked for me As far as a schedule is concerned, I wouldn't worry about it too much - he's getting all his nutrients from solids now anyway, so if he nurses twice one day, and none the next, that's fine too, right?
I do think it will be difficult to find a different "tool" to calm him down - that, I think, will be your main challenge. Maybe reading a book together might help? That way, you'll still have some physical contact.
@mamakoala - oh, the nursing pads! I had totally forgotten about those! I used to wake up soaked so often... I guess you only remember the good parts!