Friday, 25 July 2008
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Getting Ready for Bed - The Difference between Men and Women
by Mama Monkey
It gets to be 'that time' of night. Your eyes are getting droopy and your body really just doesn't want to move anymore. You ask your husband (or significant other) if they are ready for bed. "Yup" is the simple, half awake reply. So, you get up off the couch or away from the computer desk and start to head to bed. Suddenly, you look over and your hubby is already half asleep in bed. WAIT A SECOND! Wasn't that same man just sitting next to me 30 seconds ago? How in the world is he ready for bed so quickly? Is my house the only one that this scene play out in? When I say that I am ready for bed, I will probably be there in 15 minutes or so. It means I need to do a quick check of the house and make sure stuff is cleaned up, check on the kids, make sure all the animals have the water they need, make sure the doors are all locked and the curtains are closed....then I need to brush my teeth, take out my contacts and wash my face. THEN, I am ready for bed.
When my husband says he is ready for bed. He means it. He is going to take out his contacts and be in bed in 15 seconds flat! (K- maybe not quite that fast...) It has been the point of conversation many times in our house, as I get frustrated that he doesn't help with those last minute things that need to be checked on before retiring for the night. I have recently realized, though, that it is not that he doesn't want to help with the stuff (though that could be part of it sometimes), but more that he just doesn't see it the way I do. Bed time means bed time...why all this other stuff first. When he thinks of it, he will go check on the boys before going to bed and has also gotten much better at asking me if there is anything I wanted him to do before going to bed.
I am just curious what the 'norm' is...if there is one. Is it normal for there to be a similar difference between the male and female?
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Comments (27)
My husband has to get up at 5 am, so he is in bed and snoring by 10. Once he is in bed, I get to cleaning. Most nights I won't get into bed till around 12:30. Its really the only time I have to get things done. With the kids awake, it is pointless to try and get anything done. So lack of sleep is my big problem. I am so tired
Oh, and I am always the one to check the locks, and kids.
Generally my boyfriend and I are the same when it comes to bedtime. We both do a few things before we are ready for bed like you. he checks the locks as I wash my face and brush my teeth, then as he brushes his teeth I pull back the covers.
I am totally like your husband. When I say it is bedtime, I mean it!! My hubby is more like you are. So I think it just depends on the individual person and not male/female.
I check the front door, turn off the lights and crawl into bed. Tim's usually the last one to bed because of his medications (which, hopefully, he can stop taking within the next year since we've gone such a good job getting his eating habits reformed, yay!) he makes a pit stop at the bathroom and then shaves rather than rushing in the morning.
Also impressive: the positions in which guys can sleep.
It's almost the same around here. He does check some stuff, but I also make sure to ask him if he did it before we sleep. I notice that guy tend to fall asleep faster than girls. I think we have more stuff to think about?
i'm usually passed out before the question is asked
Yes, it's normal. Men don't think about feeding the animals, locking the doors, turning everything off. My husband gets his uniforms together, brushes his teeth and he's done for. If I don't make sure the cats have their food and water, they'll wake me up in the middle of the night to get it. He doesn't know if the doors are locked or not, so I have to do it. He forgets to turn off a light downstairs, so I have to go do it. After it's all done, I then wash my face, brush my teeth and take my vitamins. Usually, we come to a common ground though - we read a chapter from the bible together each night. And he's the one who has to read.
My little trick is to start doing it all before even mentioning going to bed so we get there at the same time and I don't feel like I'm keeping him awake.
@IamKelleyK@xanga - Maybe I will have to try that little trick too! Don't know why I never thought of it before. Thanks!
It's a bit different for us. Both my husband and I are night owls (not proud of it, but it is what it is!) and we often have to tell each other to go to sleep. It's not that we don't like to sleep, it's just that we work better late at night (perhaps the fact that the baby is sleeping has something to do with it as well).
He's actually better at making sure our front door and cars are locked before going to bed. On several occasions he's asked me why I don't lock the car door anymore... and I usually just reply that I forgot because I was bringing the baby in along with other stuff. Thank goodness for his diligence on the matter!
@mamakoala - I tend to forget to lock the car door too with all of my arms full...how many arms do I have? More than Hubby evidently because he can only carry one thing at a time.
Mom crashes early. Dad checks stuff. Sometimes Dad forgets to lock the front door or turn off the outside lights, though, so either my boyfriend or I will double-check.
Neither my boyfriend nor I have any specific routine before bed, so it all varies.
if you want him to help, tell him its time to do those things, not time to go to bed. Thats like asking for apples but expecting oranges. You said lets go to bed, so he did.
My Dad was always the one to check the locks and outside lights and stuff. My mom checks on all the little sleeping kids. So I guess they divide and conquer. Though if I stayed out late with my friends it was my job to lock the door behind me and turn off the light-and go tell my parents I was home. (They never really slept til I was) I just imagined that that's how all families did it. I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens if I ever get married.
Well, my hubby and I have no kids, just a puppy. But it does take me much longer to get ready for bed, since I have my whole bathroom routine and he doesn't. He's nice and takes the puppy out one last time before bed, though. :)
I suspect it is entirely normal. I have one of those, too. For me, "getting ready for bed" entails checking the house, the locks, shutting off lights, checking the child, having a quick shower, brushing my teeth, maybe laying out a few things for breakfast tomorrow and then yes, finally, BED. It takes about 20 minutes. When the DH says he's going to be, he brushes his teeth and flies into bed. By the time I get there, he already sounds like a coal chute moving a full load:D
Notice it takes them longer to wake UP, though... I can be out of bed in a minute flat, a quarter that time if I'm late....I think I get ready for stuff like a man, though. It takes me 15 minutes to get ready in the morning, including hair, clothing and makeup.
My stepmom usually falls asleep right along with my Dad (they usually retire to the bedroom together) but then my Dad wakes up around 12:30, usually, and shuts off the lights and locks up. If my Dad doesn't do it, it doesn't get done. But maybe my family is just wonky. I agree that it's more to do with the people than the gender or gender-role.
Mom goes to bed and passes out, Dad checks everything and puts everything in its place, my sister stays up till 3, aaannnd I stay up all night due to insomnia.
That pretty much sums up my family's bedtime routines.
No I am like you. When I say im going to bed it could he half an hour away. By the time I either have a shower, let the dog out for wee-wee's, brush my teeth, make sure my work stuff is ready, draw the blinds, check the doors are locked and turn out the lights well it's 1am!Â
My ex had the worst bed time habits and they involved doing none of the above.. If I had already done most of the checks besides turning off a light or two and letting the dog back inside he wouldn't do it, Well not before hell froze over, I would be half asleep and he would come in get all curled up and I would wake up to this blinding light, often resulting in me getting the shits and him snoring! I definitely think its a woman thing, we pay more attention to detail. Guys are mostly eyes on the prize. When its bedtime they mean business. Im sure it's not all men but we look at the bigger picture they look at the current one!S.xÂ
If you say "I'm ready" is that. If you need do other things, then you are not ready.
some interesting points here
My ex would be asleep within 30 seconds of lying down. Consistently.
On the otherhand, 30 minutes of restless fidgeting in bed before falling asleep is good for me. An hour is the norm.
Since we don't have children Mark and I do our best to go to bed together. I'd say he is the one who checks the doors, and cuts off the lights...etc. It only takes him like 15 seconds to do that...like I said, we don't have kids.
When I say I'm going to bed, it usually means I've waited until I can barely stand up, and if I don't get there soon, I'll collapse on the floor. LOL.
I think though, that alot of women say they're going to bed and then don't because since they are the keepers of the house they must ensure it is all in order before she retires...plus you'll be the one who will most likely deal with the consequences of things NOT being in order if you don't. LOL.
Just a thought.
My house is the same.. unfortunately. Although hubs does lock the doors, he doesn't see the need to make sure the dogs go out and do their chores so when they are up at 2am and he doesn't hear them it's me up letting them out. When I say let's go to bed he is there practically naked before I even finish my sentence while I still have upteen things to do and then 15 minutes later I join him :). Oh goodness, goodness... maybe tonight I'll go to bed first ;).