Wednesday, 23 July 2008

  • Unwanted Advice from the In-Laws

    Mama Whaleby Mama Whale

    I hate it when my in-laws drop their two cents on me and it makes me want to go atomic bomb on them. I’m not going to respect them religiously just because they are related to me when they are telling me when to clean my home or do certain other things. This is the #1 reason why I want to move out of my sister-in-law’s house.

    Secondly, I really don’t need their unwanted advice, unless I ask for it. Here’s an example - if I don’t feel like cleaning my home, I’m not obliged to. When she tells me that, her main focus is always that it’s better for Baby Whale. The list of discussions just goes on.

    Thirdly, I have already sacrificed a lot.

    And this is what I mean by breaking it down:

    1. Stay at home mother – 24/7.
    2. No weekly allowances – living only subjected to $10 a week or $20 when my husband on his good days gives it to me. Other times I have to find loose change around the home. And Papa Whale is making a 6 digit income already.
    3. Can’t go clothes shopping or any leisure shopping at all.
    4. Can’t dine out as a family or have movie nights.
    5. No outside connections – for example, hanging out with friends, it’s more my husband hanging out with his friends rather than me.
    6. Cook, clean and take care of Baby Whale – always a tedious job.

    And then my sister-in-law goes on saying it’s not about ME. I’m only human and I really need that time for myself sometimes. I feel like a robot doing as much as I can to survive the brutal week. There are times when we all break down and need to rest. I really don’t want to force myself to sacrifice everything that I enjoy just because I’m a mother. I want to be able to enjoy doing my own things while being a mother at the same time. Crazy huh?  This is what I have to deal with all the time and I don't know how I manage to survive with my in-laws giving me unwanted advice.

    Do you have someone who's always giving you unwanted advice?  How do you handle it?

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Comments (29)

  • filtered_sunlight@xanga

    @TornadoChaser - I agree. "Shove it!" tends to be my reaction to shtuff like that.


    I've been blessed with a wonderful mother-in-law and an amazing Grandmother-in-law. But I know I'm extremely lucky...I've had those in-laws, too. My policy when I had to deal with them was to consider the source, smile, nod and change the subject quickly. I could never have lived with them though. I'm sorry. That has to suck.


    I sort of understand the financial arrangements... Tim is better about making sure the bills get paid, so my check goes into his account and he pays all of the bills. He is, however, really good about asking if I need money for anything and tends to over-allow. (Example: I ask for money to buy a book, he hads me $50 when I would have been thrilled with $20.) I've also found ways to make extra money outside of my normal job by selling things we no longer use through eBay or CraigsList. It's $15 here and $30 there, but it adds up. Oh! And online sites that pay you for taking surveys and reading emails. I just got a $25 check from Memolink and have a $30 one coming from InboxDollars. It takes a while if you're not using their points/money back on purchases, but checking your email is a nice little break mid-cleaning or while you're waiting for something timed to bake.


    If you need some alone time, you could always see if a friend and neighbor would be willing to trade babysitting favors. Get her to watch baby whale sometime and see if there's a cheapy movie theatre in your area, stick a bag of M&M's in your purse and enjoy!

  • yetnotI@xanga

    I get advice from my parents and my husband's parents and grandparents. I want to be a writer, and get a graduate degree in philosophy and raise lots of children (and be a super crunchy granola momma!), but all I ever hear is, "Your husband isn't going to make enough money as a preacher. You need to get a CAREER and make some MONEY!" or "What are you going to do with that degree?" or "You need to wait until you're out of college to have children." or "I sure wish you were going to be a nurse, you know nurses are wanted all over the country." or "Be a teacher."


    I'm like, I thought this was MY life and MY marriage?
  • unATTAIN_able@xanga

    I sort of just ignore it.  But yea she's a bitch (sorry for the blunt name calling).
  • Andrea_TheNerd@xanga

    My practice:  Nod.  Smile.  Say "that's a good idea".  Keep doing things the way I always do.  Repeat as necessary.

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