Friday, 18 July 2008

• The Naughty Chair

  by Mama Penguin

  
  [Image Source]

  During my pregnancy, nothing caused me more anxiety than the impending parental responsibility of discipline.  Well, the fact that I was having twins probably trumped it, but discipline was high up there.  I'm a softy when it comes to kids.  Always have been, probably always will be.  So, I worried that I wouldn't be able to provide my children with the discipline necessary to: ensure they understood the boundaries of our world, respect authority figures including Mommy and Daddy, respect themselves, and just be all-around good kids.  I knew I didn't want to be one of those parents who is walked all over, or worse yet, one who is actually scared of her children.  I've watched Supernanny; I've seen what a lack of discipline can bring!

  Seriously, though, I worried about balance.  Thankfully, I've surprised myself.  I'm tough when it's necessary, and not-so-tough when it's not.  The tricky thing about discipline, though, is that it is different for every child.  Our twin daughters couldn't be a better example. 

  As I've said before, C is our tender heart.  All it takes for her to get the message is a stern look and a serious tone.  When she was younger, I had to be careful not to speak too harshly, or her little bottom lip would start to quiver and tears would well up in her eyes.  She still does that every once in a while, and it still breaks my heart every time.  With C it doesn't take much; she's easy and she respects boundaries.

  M, on the other hand, has always been her own person.  She's the child that marches to the beat of her own drum.  She can hold her own with the big kids, and she's a spit fire when it comes to discipline.  She laughs in the face of spankings.  She ignores idle threats.  A couple of weeks ago, though, I found the secret to M's disciplinary success.  The Naughty Chair. 

  It's the same concept that I'm sure many of you have heard/utilized before.  It's essentially a Time Out chair, but put in to terms that M unequivocally understands.  We've talked about kids who are naughty.  If we've been around children who are misbehaving and not listening to their parents, I explain that those kids are being naughty.  When Shrek yells at the townspeople at the beginning of the movie, instead of being scared, I inform the girls that he is just being naughty.  They "get" naughty.  So, instead of the Time Out chair, we have the Naughty Chair. 

  Nothing else was very effective with M, so one day I decided to give it a try.  Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING, has ever come even remotely close to being as effective with M as the Naughty Chair.  It is offically my new best friend.  The first day she sat in it a couple of times.  M can be an occasional biter.  She only does it when she's mad.  Even though I thought we had broken her of it several months ago, it occasionally rears its ugly head.  So, when she bit her sister, M sat in the Naughty Chair until she calmed down.  Then, I got down on her level, had her look me in the eyes, and explained to her that she was sitting in the Naughty Chair because she bit her sister and that nice girls don't bite their sisters.  I asked her if she understood and she said, "yes".  Then, I told her to apologize to C and give her a hug.  Later that day, she had a whining episode.  I gave her two warnings that she would sit in the Naughty Chair if she didn't calm down.  The whining continued, so she sat in the chair.  A few minutes of uncontrollable crying later, she calmed down and we went through the same scenario.

  The next day, all I had to do was warn her of the Naughty Chair and all bad behavior stopped.  She's sat in the Naughty Chair maybe twice since we started two weeks ago.  I don't mean for it to sound like M is a bad child.  She's actually an adorable, sweet, giving little girl.  But, we all have our bad moments.  I'm just thrilled that I've discovered a way to discipline her for those moments, while helping her understand why not to do those things and a consistent consequence that will follow. 

  So for our family, it's the Naughty Chair and stern looks.  What works for your family?

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