LOL, I'm just happy if he takes out the trash.

I fought the good fight of shared responsibility for household chores and I lost.  I learned not too long ago that in my case, hubby tunes out the nagging and begging and pleading.  He even tunes out the logic that keeping a clean home is one thing but having to walk behind him and clean up his messes like I would a child is wholly unattractive and not likely to put me "in the mood". 

I finally decided that I was spending just as much energy trying to get him to help out (even if only cleaning up after himself) as I was doing all the housework myself.  I resigned to my fate of wife AND maid.  Now I am not saying all men are like this....but I decided that I had to take this information of my husband and make a decision.  Is it worth a divorce or not?  If not, I might as well let it go because I am not winning this one.

We usually do the he does all the yard work and I keep the inside up (unless it gets bad from say... well his family being in town for the weekend... then he is expected to help... or if we need to clean up any before we have company)

But then he gets into these things where I tell him he needs to mow and he comes back with well when was the last time you cleaned the house?  And it really starts to get annoying because I may not do a huge all over clean a lot but I usually clean up something small every couple of days.  He also brings up me doing laundry... but it is hard for me to keep up with how much we have to do when he leaves all his clothes on the floor in the closet.  I told him if he wants his clothes washed he needs to make sure they end up in the clothes hamper.  I told him I wasn't doing laundry off the floor. 

Anyway, my point is we try to split them up... him outside and me inside.

Our level for concern ranges.  Sometime it's me who wants it more clean and others it is him.  Those are the worst times because then one person ends up cleaning while complaining to the other person that they are not helping at all. 

In the end it usually comes out pretty good though.  It would be nice if we didn't have the little problems with how often each of us takes care of our portion of the chores for the house (or how often one person complains about the other not doing their part) but every once in a while it's nice to be a little lazy...  You can't always rush around crazy trying to keep everything super neat. 

I recommend reading Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud. It gives some practical advice on how to set boundaries (for yourself, not others) in any relationship. There are also Boundaries in Dating and Boundaries in Marriage by the same authors. Sometimes we just have to learn to let things go that aren't important... choose your battles, if you will. I too am a "tidy" person, and my boyfriend is not quite as tidy. But he does well if I ask him kindly to pick up a little, and he appreciates the fact that I keep my place clean and live-able. If we were to get married, there would be a more in-depth conversation about this sort of thing, but since we are not living together, it doesn't matter so much right now.

@hannahtan528@xanga -I know most people only clean on their day off.  But what about when both people are working full-time? (Or more than full-time)  Who is supposed to be doing the cleaning?  Only the person who cares about the mess?   It is not a "day-off" issue so much as an "initiation" issue between two people who have full lives outside of household chores and no one is the stay-at-home participant. 

Well, I'd suggest two ways of approaching the problem. The first is to manage expectations. You can't make him care as much as you do. As another "typical" guy, I am fine with being sanitary; it's a big leap to tidy.
On the other end, if it really becomes a problem, you should use the "first seek to understand, then to be understood" approach. That is, ask earnestly why he doesn't feel like cleaning. It's important that this be completely honestly attempted, and that you have stated his case to his satisfaction, i.e. he must be satisfied with your level of understanding (and don't go too fast, because he might want to gloss over this and just say "yeah" to make the process go faster; your own gut feeling on the matter shouldn't be ignored). Once that is accomplished, you can seek to be understood. Lay it out logically, because that is the only language guys understand. Something like how there's x-hours worth of cleaning and it should be split (maybe not evenly, but at least MORE evenly) or something like that. If he's not sanitary, bring up the health of the child(ren). Finally, if it really that important to you, he should want to clean just to make you happy. That's what loving someone is all about: sacrifice. But it's important that neither of you are resentful in the end. It can't end on a sour note, otherwise you've made no progress at all.

@HeavyThinker@xanga - I appreciate the male feedback.  I do believe I "understand" (though as he reads my blog, I'm sure he will correct me if I'm wrong).  I believe he doesn't feel like cleaning because he is tired at the end of the day and the way it is is 'good enough.'  He does make great attempts to do things just to make me happy, and cannot be faulted on that part.  Execution is another matter entirely.  My take on this is that I, too, am tired, but the status of our place is NOT good enough.  At this point I can't claim child endangerment (cat endangerment, perhaps...they are indeed cleaner than he is!)  Although I eat,sleep and breathe babies, more hours of the week than not,....I do not actually live with any.   I'm a "clean as I go" person (nurses tend to be) and it is very difficult watching someone funtion who allows ALL items in the fridge to expire before cleaning it.  It is more like 2 different philosophies in life:  Do you do laundry based on how much is dirty? Or based on how little clean remains?  It is really a manifestation a bigger difference....but interestingly, one of our only clashing points.  After thinking about this more.  I'm going to take the pragmatic approach to its resolution--a cleaning person.

@TornadoChaser - Thanks...planning on implementing the dry erase board idea!

@mamafox - When do you get time for yourself?

Wow, what a sucky thing to argue about... mess doesn't bother me much until it gets too much but I think if it bothered the person I love I'd probably make more of an effort.

@mamafox - I'm glad you're enjoying your life, with your husband and kids.

I married a neat person. We are both about having a clean house, especially if company is coming over. My husband is sometimes more of a neat freak than I can be. He likes having things in order, of course he may be rubbing off on me, so I am starting to be that way too. Haha. Since I stay at home with the little one, and he works all day, I do most of the housework. The only problem we have is we have two roommates. One is my friend and the other is my husband's friend, but they are in a relationship. The guy doesn't work, but the girl does. In my sense, I think the guy should help out around the house since he doesn't do anything (and they do not have kids) at all around the house most of the day. He mostly sits on his computer or plays video games (typical guy). He is the one I should be nagging about cleaning. Haha. I feel like I clean up after him more than I do my own husband, lmao. That will definitely change though. Even if I do have to incorporate some kind of list of things for him to do.

But when we live just by ourselves, it is me doing the inside work and my husband does the outside work, which I am content with. I am not at all into mowing the lawn or working on our shed/barn at all. I hate sweating and the heat we have here. Plus I can get everything clean to my expectations quicker than others can. I am very picky about how clean something.