Monday, 14 July 2008
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Middle Child and the Terrible Twos
by Mama Fox
Fox2 is 2 years old and very intense. He generally reserved, goes along with whatever his big brother wants but is all smiles. He is polite and fairly well behaved for a 2 year old. But when he's angry he lets us know in a classic 2 year old fashion, i.e pushing, hitting and screaming. It's like someone flipped the switch on my happy little guy.
I think his main frustration is being a middle child. Two is a rough age to begin with and he has to compete with his 2 brothers to get my attention. It's hard to find time just for Fox2. Fox1 insists on being in the middle of things and Fox3, still going through separation anxiety, doesn't really allow me to leave the room. Then what about me?! I've talked with Papa Fox about scheduling time where I can just be with Fox2 one on one but things haven't worked out yet. I do make sure that he gets extra hugs, to spend time doing what he wants and doing a lot of preventive measures to keep him from getting him trouble.
I've been doing some role playing with Fox1 and Fox2, to show them how to handle situations by themselves without any physical violence. Discipline is all about teaching. I can punish them all day long but if I don't show them what they should do instead they will keep repeating to hit. I'll have Fox2take a toy that Fox1 was playing with and asking "What should happen now?" Fox1 will go over and ask for it back and Fox2 will hand it over (usually). Then we reverse the roles and have Fox2 ask for the toy back. This has been working fairly well and has cut down on the tantrums because "He took my toy!" I have to ask "What should we do?" sometimes to get them on the right track but that's a lot better then trying to smooth out the situation after someone has been hit. There's also the constant reminder that hands are not for hitting.
Also, we play rough and tumble games to get out the need to hit in a safe way. I got the idea from my Playful Parenting book. Sometimes I get on my knees and say "Don't push me!" with an angry face. Well of course they run and push me over. After a half hour of this, everyone is giggly and they play happily for the rest of the day. I think this really helps Fox2. He feels small, he can't do everything Fox1 can and doesn't like that Fox3 takes up so much of my time. Playing 'the pushing game' helps him feel strong, in charge and allows us to reconnect.
I expect many rough spots ahead. I'm not looking forward to Fox3's terrible twos either but we do what we can to help make the time not so terrible.Is there a "middle child" in your family? If so, how do you keep that child from feeling left out or frustrated from competing for your attention?
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Comments (3)
i found that very intresting. :)
When i was doing child psychology i learned that at that age children are still egocentric, and so can't really contemplate how other people feel, so the activities you are doing sound really good :)
I remember my little brother went through a terrible two stage of biting, which my mum stopped by er.. biting him back
he bit her on the cheek so she bit him back, not hard, but enough to stop him from ever doing it again
My parents used to smack us on the back of the legs when we were children, which i dont see as very helpful.. Catherine Hits Christopher, and because its bad Mummy Hits Catherine?
Many of my friends are middle children, and i think the discomfort wears off as they get older, i mean they sort of have the best of both worlds, they don't have the responsibility of being the oldest yet they arn't babied as much as the youngest so it could be seen as a good thing!
aw, poor fox2, it must be hard. i come from a family of just 2 kids, so i never experienced the middle child syndrome firsthand. however, i've seen it in a lot of other families, and i could understand why the middle child experiences the most frustration when it comes to seeking attention from mom and dad.
it sounds like you're doing your best to give fox2 the special attention he craves, and i'm sure the extra hugs really help!
I have three now...meaning there is a middle child obviously. I just do the best I can to spend time with all of them. I will take one shopping with me one day and the other the next. I also found that I need to be careful not to always be blaming one child...even if he is generally the instigator.
It sounds to me like you are doing everything you can. The only recommendation I would make is not to make a huge deal out of it. Kids pick up on things and if you are making an issue of it, they are more likely too also. He could just be going through is 2s and have nothing to do with 'middle child syndrome'. IDK