Tuesday, 24 June 2008
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Talking to Pre-Tweens
The other day, I picked up one of C's friends from school for a neighbor and when we all got in the car I asked, "So, guys, how was school today?"
C turns to his friend and starts with this:
Everyday when I come home she asks me 'How was school?' and I'm like, AHHHH! I don't know! I was green, that's how school was!
Then his friend D responded with:
I know!! My mom does it too and I always just say "boring" because that's what I think it is.
I felt like... wait a minute, did I just blackout and suddenly you became a teenager??"ExCUSE me!" I said. "I am right HERE!"
They erupted into laughter... just sitting back there talking about their mothers like I'm not even there... and I still didn't get an answer to my question! Sigh...
Does anyone have any ideas on how to encourage pre-tweens to talk about their day?
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Comments (8)
Lol, I used to do the same thing when my mum asked me. Of course, she never really listened, so that's different...
At dinner, go around the table and have everyone do Roses & Thorns. Roses are good things that happened during the day, Thorns are the not so good things. My English teacher did that with the class on Mondays...we got into some pretty good conversations.
It's asking the same thing, but in a sneaky way so that they won't figure it out until they're 30. :]
I've found I'd get very little out of my boys (though quite young still) if i asked the generic "how was your day?" I understand, I mean, I'm a SAHM but totally draw a blank when someone asks me what I did all day. The same ol same ol, quite boring. I've found what works in getting the kids to talk about their day was to be really specific, like "What did you and the class do after lunch?" "Did you stay inside or go outside for recess?" "Was today art day or gym day?" etc. This usually (not always but usually) leads them to carry on a conversation and I get a better portrait than a dismissive "good" as an answer.
When I was a teenager, I would give vague answers to vague questions so my mom would ask questions that at least required a yes or no answer such as...Did you have a good day? Did you have any problems? What are your grades like? What kind of weekend plans are you working on? Am I going to get a call from your teacher/s? Do I need to sign anything? Have you set the school on fire? Is it time to send you to an all girls school? She knew I wouldn't volunteer answers to open ended questions but she also knew I wouldn't lie if asked a direct question.
My mom never asked how our day was but I really don't care. My g'ma always calls and asks how I'm doing "fine" what I'm doing "nothing" what I've been up to lately "nothing" I'm far from a teenager now, so I guess it just depends on how much you want to talk to whoever is asking!
I didn't like it when my mother asked me how my day was either, but if you want them to open up a little more you have to be specific. Ask, "Did you do anything interesting at school today?" or "What did you learn about?" Try to maybe find out their favorite classes or least favorite classes and see if you can get them to talk about that. Tweens are hard though because they think that everyone else is annoying and it's all about them. Trust me, I know, I was there not too long ago and as much as I hate to admit, I just wanted to be left alone.
haha i would tell them to answer or they can always just take the bus!
I definitely agree with what everyone else is saying--about asking specific questions. I'm not a mother, but I work with kids in middle school, so I get a lot of exposure to them. I've also found that it helps to ask them something non-school related like "How did you feel about that new movie you saw recently?" or "What do you want to do this weekend?" Doing so encourages them to talk about said movie/weekend activities and how it may have related to their day. You won't always get an answer about what they did at school or how it was, but it helps them to get talking to you comfortably...and then maybe they won't get irritated when you ask how their day was!
My dad used to ask me lots of specific questions until I finally opened up to him - I guess it was his way of letting me know he really cared about what my day was like. He died when I was 8, so I don't know about middle school and such, but I think the same thing applies: you ask, because you want them to know you care. Maybe you should just tell them that? I do also agree with the "ask specific questions" thing - that's what my dad did, and I really missed having him pester me until I answered after he died...
It's weird, the things we hold dear after a loved one dies.