Wednesday, 04 June 2008
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13th Mother's Day Part 2
After writing that post on how grateful I am to be a mother and Junior's mother in particular, Junior reminded me exactly what challenges he presents. He had a very difficult evening. He wanted this and he wanted that. He wanted to go out shopping, to the movies, to eat. The answer to all those requests was, "No." I had no money and didn't feel like going out anyway. He also needs to learn that he can't always do what he wants when he wants because none of us get to do that. He is spoiled but we don't want him to be spoiled rotten.
He finally gave up trying to get me to take him somewhere but then he wanted to raid the kitchen. He takes Risperdal to help with his anxiety, self injurious behavior, disruptive stimming, and inability to sleep. It works wonders for him but it comes at a hefty price. He is constantly hungry or thinks he is. He has gained more than 60 pounds over the past 12 months and it just isn't healthy. So, I fought the good fight. I stood my ground and said No. He stood his ground as well and said Yes. He demanded pancakes, waffles, biscuits, eggs, mac and cheese, and everything else. He was opening and closing the fridge, hanging on the door. I eventually had to stand in the tiny doorway of the kitchen to keep him from even entering the area. He pushed and pulled. He screamed and cried. It was very difficult to stand and watch him, knowing that he felt hungry. He can't help that he feels hungry. And if you think you are hungry, if your body is telling you that you are hungry... how far would you go to find food?
The thing is, Junior can wear a person down. If he was violent by nature, it might be easier for me to stand my ground. I could "fight" back. No, not by hitting back. But it would motivate me to stand my ground and teach him that violence will not win me over to his point of view. Junior's methods are much more sophisticated. He just keeps asking for what he wants over and over. He never gives up. He will hang on you, kiss you, hug you, write you letters requesting what he wants, whisper his request in your ear, and whatever else he can think of. And when all else fails....the crying. He has this way of crying that involves a very loud noise like a cat in heat.
"EEEEOOOOOWWWWWW!"And that night, I just looked up and thought... I just had to write that blog post. I can't help but feel that the moment I thought I had a grip on raising a special needs child and could offer up a bit of positive attitude... I was reminded that it is easy to be grateful and proud when things are going well. It takes a special kind of strength to keep that attitude when presented with the challenges Autism brings. I hope to one day have that strength.
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Comments (6)
Can you maybe come up with a list of (healthy) food options that are always available to him when he feels hungry? Things like carrots, unbuttered popcorn, fruit, etc? I have no idea if he at all likes these things or if this would work, but it might help him and you to have options to give him so you're not "denying him food" but also giving him options that are healthy and won't make him continue to gain weight.
I don't know if it works the same way with autistic kids, but with many children if they're given choices and allowed to make their own decision about something (as opposed to a flat-out no) they feel a lot better about it, even if in the end the parent is still the one "winning out."
You do have that strength. You have quite the task on your hands raising a special needs child. It sounds like he is pretty far on the spectrum. That is challenging. I get overwhelmed with my high energy little girl, who ... at least at this point in her life is completely healthy mentally and physically. I know I would find the strength if something ever happened to her... but boy ... I would be spending a lot of time on my knees in prayer too! I know I would not be able to do it on my strength alone.
Saying no to any kid is hard I think... especially when they make you feel bad for it!
Just keep up the good work... one day he will come to understand how difficult it is to be a mother and will cut you a little slack! Lets hope anyways...
God gave you him for a certain reason... and you are living up to it greatly!
Don't get yourself down, to quote a great philosopher "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think..." Keep up the great work and so long as you do what you feel is right it will be fine in the end. :)
I heard somewhere that some people get being thirsty and hungry mixed up. Do you think that might be happening? Just a thought, I don't know much about older children and what they can decipher as far as hunger and thirst go, ya know?
I, unfortunately,don't have much for wisdom to offer you in this area. But just wanted to offer some encouragement. You sound like a very strong, well balanced woman. You seem very aware of your feelings and how to work with them. Just keep pushing through. Wish I had more help for you. (The first comment seemed pretty good, though. It might be worth a shot.)