Wednesday, 02 July 2008
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Home
There are a few sayings about home. Home is where they catch you when you fall. Home is where the heart is. Home sweet home. Home is where you hang your hat. There is no place like home. And the one that rings most true for me... You can never go home again. There is even a song about home that makes me cry every time I hear it, Michael Buble's Home. The thing is, while there is a roof over my head and I am fortunate enough to say that I have never been homeless... I am lacking a sense ofhome. My mom moved around a lot when she divorced my dad and I don't blame her. Once she married my stepdad, we moved around a bit more due to his being a Marine. By the time I graduated high school, I had attended 11 different schools and lived in five different states, sometimes in more than one town in those states. After high school, I married a Sailor despite my oaths that I would never marry military. Since then, I have added more than 20 different mailing addresses in four states and a multitude of towns within those states. I have traveled from Monterey, California down to Cambria, Orlando, New York City, Gettysburg Pennsylvania, Washington D.C, and all sorts of stops along the way. Even now that hubby is out of the military, we have moved four times and I am at my second community college about to transfer to a third. But in all of our travels and all of his duty stations, I never found that elusive place called home.
Many people would say that home is wherever my family is. If I have my family, then I should feel at home. But something has always been missing. My things are here. My family is here. The town is nice. I love the fact that we have four seasons with lots of winter and snow and there are tons of stuff of to do when we get to the city.
My mom says I have a gypsy soul. I do love moving around. I firmly believe it is one of the best ways to truly clean your house. Few things motivate a person to throw out or donate excess items like the thought of having to pack, move, and unpack them. I also love exploring new places. How well can you get to know an area in a week or even a month? But when you move to a place, you can really get to know them as long as you don't take it for granted that you are nearby and can go any time.
But where is home? I long for it. I actually dream about finding that place that is home. When I hear the song Home, I cry not because it is a sad song but because he sings of a place that I want but can't find. Maybe I have some high expectations of home being a mythical, perfect place where I am always relaxed and calm. But really, I just want that place that I can't wait to get back to at the end of a day or end of a vacation.
What does home mean to you?
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Comments (7)
I love my little house but know we are quickly outgrowing it. I guess what makes it home is a combination of all of the heart and soul we have put into it as well as the sense of relief and relaxation when we unload the truck from a weekend away. It doesn't matter whether we travel for a week or just shoot up to the lake for a weekend - when we unload everything just chills for a while. Of course, an hour later I am a raving maniac because it is Sunday night and the house is a wreck, the husband is all kinds of comfy in his #%^E&Y) chair and the baby is crashing hard. We're working on that.
Hopefully you will eventually find a spot that just speaks to you. That will be home.
home doesn't mean house to me. my "home" depends on where I'm most comfortable... usually, I feel more of that stereotypical "home-ness" when I'm at my church... sometimes my house really feels more like a home... I guess home to me is wherever I feel comfortable and safe and like I can be myself...
I also love Michael Buble's Home. It used to make me cry...
Still looking for "home." Maybe I'll find it when I figure out where I'm from?
When I think of "home" I still think of NY. Even though I have my husband and daughter, it's hard to feel completely at home here. My parents will always live miles and oceans away, but I miss being near my inlaws, my brother, and my close friends. So I guess to me, home is where people know and love me best.
I like the 'Home is where they catch you when you fall'. It is a comfort thing to me I guess. I still catch myself saying I am going home or my sister is coming home when I am talking about my parent's house...thing is they don't even live where they did while I was growing up (came home from the hospital to the same house I left for my wedding from).
I think it may be harder for you to 'find home' because you have moved around so much. Maybe you are a bit apprehensive about making it feel like home because you don't want to make those connections and then have to uproot again. Don't mean to go all pshycho-babble on you here, but that would seem to make sense. To me, home has come easy as I never moved as a kid.(As an adult, I have moved 'away' (about an hour away) once and hated it...moved back a year later.) Maybe it is just harder when you have done as much moving as you have. Wish I could help more as I can feel the longing for 'home' in your heart as you write. Best wishes to you :)
C and I have only been married for a little over two years and I still feel more at home at my parents house. We even own our house and we've been able to add some of our own touches to the place. I just love spending time at my parents house, just relaxing. I think it will be a while before I feel at home, whether it's in that house or in a future house. Good luck in your search!