I agree with the previous poster, everyone's experience is different.  Being your first kid, it's so hard to know what to do...'cause everyone around is telling you all kinds of different things, trying to convince you that their way is right or they had a horrible experience because this or that.  Mine was good, the actual labor part was fast and smooth.  There are a few things I would have not done had I known then what I know now.  I was given pitocin, and eventually an epidural that did not take and was more painful than the actual labor.  I didn't realize that after all the struggle of getting the epidural in, that it didn't even work until my doctor was stitching me up and I felt every bit of it...she was like, "uh...you can feel that? you shouldn't be able to feel that...your epidural didn't take"  Haha, great, thanks.  Next time I will not get that blasted epidural as I apparently didn't even NEED it the first time (though I thought I had it, weird).  I got to hold my son right away, then they whisked him off for oxygen - as he also had breathing troubles and stayed in the NICU for SEVEN gut-wrenching I-Just-Want-My-Baby-With-Me days.  I love my OBGYN to pieces...I can't wait to get pregnant again just so I can go visit with her more often.  Haha!  She took my concerns and questions to heart and made me feel so at peace.  And while everything didn't go as planned or as I wanted, everything turned out fine and I'm happy with that.  Having that experience under my belt, I think I will feel more comfortable going in there and making sure I get what I want the next time, though.

I have 2 little girls, and I really didn't like the first birth. :( I was induced because my daughter was 1.5 weeks "late", though non-stress tests showed she was doing perfectly fine. I was put on pitocin starting around 7am one morning, (I came in at 3cm dilated and 90% effaced), they upped the pit alllll day long until around 5pm, when the contractions became one long contraction which was causing distress to my daughter. :( After that, they backed off the pit a little and broke my water. I got an epidural at 830 pm, and fully dilated by 930pm. Maybe it was because they gave me the "you have 12 hours to have this baby now that your water is broken before we section you" threat that got my body moving, ha. I pushed her out in 40 min, on my back, held her immediately after until they took her to dry/weigh her, and then they gave her back to me. Could have been worse. I got 2 stitches. It frustrates me that I was induced when my daughter was fine, the placenta was fine, it was just "the rules". It makes me mad that they were causing my baby distress with so much pitocin... Also, remember the talk from that guy  in the business of being born, about if a mom doesn't go into labor on her own she's not producing oxytocin which is what gives you the warm fuzzies and helps you fall in love with your kiddo.. Now that I've had another baby (born at 2 weeks and 2 days after her due date, completely healthy, no tears, spontaneous labor, homebirth) its amazing how completely different I felt after my first labor and after the second. With my homebirth I fell head over heels in love with my baby. I'd thought that maybe I just wasn't someone who gets attached to her babies very easily, because with baby #1 it took me weeks/months to fall in love, and I was dealing with PPD (ugh). I have a lot of friends pregnant with their first babies right now and I'm TRYING to make sure they know their options. When you don't know your options, you don't have any!

is that the documentary by ricky lake?  i've been meaning to rent that...

@john - yeah, that's the one.  here's the synopsis from the official website:

@AnimaLuva - yeah, i don't think an episiotomy is a bad thing... i just wish that they had told me about it before it happened.

i think i have a good dr..  i have asked all those questions and so far, i like the answers she gave me..  but i guess i'll have to wait and see what really happens during my labor and delivery (3 more months!!). 

I watched the business of being born and although the documentary was very informative, as i also never had considered a midwife or birthing centers, etc..  this documentary is very biased.  after watching this, i immediately started researching about midwives and birthing centers..  but not all drs and hospitals are as bad as the documentary makes them out to be..  (i hope!)  i guess just being educated in your options is the best.

I'm just a bit bitter myself about my experience.  Of course, there are things that you're afraid of when you're a first-time mom, so you trust your physician completely.  He broke my water manually, which is ok by me (I know others have their convictions) but the thing was that he did it when I wasn't very much dilated and WITH A SMALL HOOKED GLOVE instead of a long hook.  It made me scream louder than the contraction pain.  I think that was dumb, and I felt totally rushed the whole time I was in L&D. 

I also know that I personally didn't give myself credit for being bale to handle the things that I now know I could handle.  For example, I insisted on the epidural.  Now, I'm not one to say you shouldn't have pain management options, because believe me, I'm all for it.  But the thing is, my epidural didn't even work.  It numbbed my arms and legs, and nothing else.  There was a tremendous amount of pain, and I yet I couldn't lift my arms and legs to push.  The C-Section nurse kept coming in and saying, "You ready to quit the nonsense?" to the doctor, and totally discouraging me.  It really pushed me, and by the time the DR was like, "OK we've got to get this baby out," I was telling everyone that I needed to sit up instead of laying down so I could curl over the baby.  They said no, and I told them that they could shove it, I was getting the baby out.  I had an episiotomy, but then I ended up tearing to the 4th degree.  2 reconsturctive procedures later, I'm not sure that I can go through that again.

I definitely want another doctor.  I have a friend who just graduated from med school as an OBGYN, and although I'd rather not have him as my DR, he has recommended some people.  I just don't know if his idea of good is the same as mine as a DR himself.

I'm sorry you had such a rough experience.  I am a FIRM believer that we have to take responsiblity for our health and the health of our children.  Unfortunately, too many times if we do not educate ourselves about the options, then someone else ends up making a decision that may or may not be in our best interest... but rather more convenient for them.  It saddens me to read some of the comments.  People who would rather have a doctor tell them exactly what to do and not question it, or someone who had such a terrible experience because they were uneducated.

I knew all my options, had a very specific birth plan, had a hospital midwife .. but unfortunately, after 21 hours of labor I ended up a C-section.  My daughter wouldn't decend... and we ended up finding out she COULND'T because the cord was wrapped around her neck 4 times.  There was nothing left to let her come down.

I also have to make a comment here about episiotomies.  Someone above said they would rather have a small cut then a tear.  I would encourage ANYONE who is thinking about getting pregnant to really look into what an episiotomy is and what it can do to you.  1) A natural tear heals more quickly then a cut, and stronger.  The tissues interlink together, like woven fabric making the area stronger.  Versus a cut which does not interweave.  2) The 'normal womanly problems after childbirth' ... like decreased bladder control, sexual issues, etc... are more common with episiotomies then with women who did not have one.  3) a GOOD OBGYN or midwife CAN deliver a baby in most cases without cutting you.  Cutting you is just a convenience for the doctor so they don't have to work as hard to help you get the baby out. 

There are so many options when having a baby.  Doctor directed is typically NOT in the best interest of the woman.  It's sad but true.  Educating ourselves about the options is a must.  Our health and the health of our baby is too important to NOT educate ourselves and know all our options.  Just because someone has the 'DR' in front of their name... doesn't mean they alwasys know what is best for me.  A good doctor will encourage discussions between them and their patients so a customized plan can be used that is unique to each patient instead of trying to pass off cookie cutter medicine.  I hear of too many doctors trying to force every situation into a box... and if it doesn't fit... then cut her open! 

It's ridiculous.

babybooties is right.  many moons ago episiotomies were the standard of practice.  it was thought that cutting the mother would be more beneficial than a tear.  but that was a long time ago.  i bet all the docs who are doing it routinely now are very old-fashioned.. and these happen to be the docs w/o any type of bedside manner at all, too.  today, it's well known in the medical community that to let the mother tear naturally is better.  see previous poster's reasons above.  she is completely right.

anyway, being a nurse myselfi love certified nurse midwives. i like their school of thought and most i've met have excellent bedside manner (which is a must for any practitioner i see).  the one i went to throughout my pregancy was awesome, but she didn't make it to my labor.  my daughter was delivered by a doc, an obgyn.  lucky for me i loved this obgyn too... she and i were definitely on the same page w/ things.  and thankfully i had a very normal L&D. there was one point however, when i was sent back home from the hospital because i wasn't progressing enough.  i was 2cm dilated from 2am to 4am despite walking, different labor positions, etc... i didn't want to go home b/c the pain was soooo bad, but i knew if i stayed in the hospital they would've given me pitocin. 

by the way, pitocin is not necessarily a bad thing... in some cases it really can be in one's best interest to move things along... but in other cases, it's not.  anyway, i went home in excruciating labor pain, but knew i would be better off avoiding pit and staying in the hospital.  b/c if i stayed in the hospital, i'd be hooked up to monitors and my baby wouldn't drop any faster.  so i grinned and beared it at home for another couple of hours.  the doc called me in the morning and suggested i go to the obgyn office at 9am to get examined.  i did not let her "doctor direct" me there!  thank goodness... i knew that was an absurd idea and i told her so, because i knew this baby was coming soon. she said i could do what i feel... so i did!  i went to the hospital again at 8am and at 8:30a they checked me to be 5 cm dilated.   so finally i got my pain relief and i had my baby a few hours later.

someone above mentioned it... but the importance of educating oneself about L&D is so very valuable.  that's what those childbirth classes are for!!  and if doctors tell you one thing and you don't understand it or why it's happening, just ask!  ask your options.  ask if it's really medically necessary... also, don't be quick to label certain medical interventions and treatments as "bad".  everything is considered on a cases by case basis.  just always remember that the number one priority, even above having a "good birth experience" and a "birth plan how I WANT IT" is safety for the mom and baby. it's nice to have a "birth plan", but what's even better is an educated mind and an open mind because no one can really plan how a baby is born into this world... too many variables can happen.  i think the term birth plan is really horrible.  as long as you and your practitioner (doc, midwife, etc.) are on the same page and have a good relationship with each other, things should go well...

Wow lovely post =]

i was also induced and given an episiotomy.  i was told i was induced bc i had gestational diabetes and the baby was 'big'....well that 'big' baby was born at 7lbs.7oz. so i became very skeptical about that theory.  who knows?  but i'm def changing my obgyn if/when i have baby #2. 

I thought I was totally educated with my first birth and even then had a series of interventions starting with breaking my water and ending up with an epidural and an episiotomy neither of which I wanted. All I can say is get educated and then stand your grond. Questions EVERYTHING  they do. It may seem like a lot of work because there is a lot that can happen during birth, but I think a lot of women have regrets about the first birth. It's something you've never experienced before so it's hard even when you are educated (we took Bradley Natural Childbirth classes). The second time around was a lot different, I was able to deliver naturally with no interventions and hopefully with this one (due in 2 weeks) it will go the same. PLEASE watch The Business of Being Born...it is an amazing video. It's not extremely ANTI Doc/Hospital but it is eye-opening. I choose to give birth in a hospital for a variety of reasons, I even still have a Doc instead of a midwife (which I would love to go with next time) but knowing your options and the facts about childbirth and labor make a HUGE difference! Knowing you can say NO to anything they recommend for their convenience and not for the health of the baby is a very powerful feeling. I think THAT is what is wrong with labor and delivery in America. We tend to think Doc knows best and you know? It's not that he doesn't know best, it's that he wants to make it home for dinner and he's overworked as well so his choices may not be the best of most effective in childbirth....but knowing you can say NO is what really counts. It's your body and your birth no matter where you do it!